Gaetz Sought Blanket Pardon From Trump White House

Gaetz Sought Blanket Pardon From Trump White House: The New York Times reports that Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) sought a blanket pre-emptive pardon from the White House during the final weeks of President Trump’s administration, a revelation that comes as the lawmaker finds himself the subject of a federal sex-trafficking investigation.

Oh, now I see how it all came down - “Mr. President, I did absolutely nothing wrong, and I’m gonna need a complete, blanket pardon to confirm that!” Gee, sounds like Mr, Gaetz didn’t come up with all that cash Trump demands for his pardons. Now, I don’t like to spread rumors, but it sounds like Republicans may very well be running a child prostitution ring - out of a pizza parlor. Word has it that the operation is being called “PizzaGaetz.”

Fact is, when a guy who pays a porn star $130,000 in hush money thinks you’re too much of a dirtbag to deal with - you’re really a dirtbag! I mean, Matt met his last girlfriend while she was selling Girl Scout cookies out in front of Trader Joe’s. Frankly, about the only nice thing I can think to say about a guy like Matt Gaetz, is that he always slows way down when he’s driving through a school zone.

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles. In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.” When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now! Let’s get real. It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene. Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway. Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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