Skip to main content

New Hampshire State Finance Chairman Warns COVID Vaccine Contains ‘Tentacled Creatures’


New Hampshire Public Radio is reporting that Republican state Rep. Ken Weyler has resigned as chairman of the House Finance Committee, after sharing an anti-Catholic conspiracy-laden "vaccine death report” document,” that claims top Vatican officials worship Satan, multiple Popes have answered to a hidden leader known as the “Grey Pope, and COVID-19 vaccines contain tentacled creatures with 5G technology intended for mind control.”

Now, I’m certainly no mental health professional, but I’m pretty sure that seeing 5G tentacles in the coronavirus vaccine, might just be an indication that “hey, maybe it’s time to check into rehab.”  Either that or a secure mental health facility, where you can happily while away the hours working on supervised “arts and crafts” projects.  I tell ya, this level of paranoid conspiracy theory is almost enough to make folks like Georgia’s Rep. Marjorie Taylor - Greene with envy.  


I mean, where the hell do Republicans manage to find all these lunatics, anyway?  Hell, this sounds more like a script from a low-budget, B-level horror film.  Not to mention, with all the evil things Republicans say are packed into these vaccines, it’s gotta be getting pretty damned crowded in those hypodermic needles.  Why, how could they even load all that surveillance technology into one single shot?  I suppose that’s why they insist we get two doses.


Now, folks - I don’t like to preach, but this is precisely why they warn ya that snorting meth and watching Jerry Springer, just do not mix.  That said, I do get the logic here.  After all, if you’re in fear of imaginary “Gray Popes,” it would naturally make perfect sense you’d also believe COVID injections contain “microscopic 5G calamari tentacles.”  Why, I’m sure poor Rep. Weyler must have thought, “this craving I have for calamari, can’t be just coincidence!”  Well, sorry Rep. Weyler, but it’s probably time we took those car keys of yours.


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, consider joining me at:


Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles.  In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.”  When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now!  Let’s get real.  It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway.  Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com