You've Got to Be Kidding?

Grocery Stores Reporting Many Customers Becoming Unruly:  Many grocery stores around the country are reporting that some customers are beginning to become somewhat unruly during the pandemic - as long lines and product shortages are causing tempers to flare.   I can relate,  Hell, I was minding my own business, while standing in line at Costco the other day, when this fella here tries to cut in front of me - and when I wouldn’t let him, he tried to start a fight.  And I gotta admit, I was more than willing to go at it with the big Poluka.   I’d love to tell you I won, but as many of you who’ve been in fights during the pandemic well know, it’s damn hard to win a fistfight - when neither fighter’s allowed to get within 6 feet of one another.  And, being socially responsible citizens, we both tried our best to honor that distance.   Anyway, the cashiers finally had to call the fight a draw and gave us both a handful of discount coupons for...

Trump Claims Coronavirus Like Common Flu and Market Drop Fake News:  After spending the weekend enjoying golf and fine dining, President Trump returned to Washington and immediately began attacking former President Barack Obama and the “fake news” media, over its coverage of the deadly coronavirus outbreak - which he claims is “just like the common flu,” placing the blame for the stock market’s massive plunge, on the media’s negative coronavirus coverage. Wait a minute!  Are you telling me that all this catastrophic news we’ve been hearing lately is all Barack Obama’s fault?  Why, what the hell ever happened to Hillary Clinton or Hunter Biden?  What are they now - chopped liver? Meanwhile, to prevent even more government officials from being exposed to the virus, the Trump Administration has decided that until further notice, White House staffers should work from home - and President Trump, should “work" from his Florida golf resort. https://www.johnnyr...

Harvard Scientist Predicts Coronavirus May Infect 70% of Humanity:  Harvard University epidemiologist Marc Lipsitch is predicting the coronavirus "will ultimately not be containable,” and - within a year, could infect up to 70 percent of humanity. Well, that sounds rather comforting - to almost no one!  Anyway, I suppose I’d better get busy and stock up on some strong meds. I think about a case of Jack Daniels ought to do the trick. Now, on a positive note for Republicans, those figures only reflect the virus infecting humans, so that pretty much excludes anyone who’s ever served in the Trump Administration. And as for Trump himself, I think he’s pretty safe from ever coming in contact with the virus.  I mean, even Trump supporters know viruses don’t play golf. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Chinese Passenger Tries Sneaking Package of Tiny Dead Birds Into US:   U.S. Customs and Border Protection agriculture specialists report finding and confiscating a package of “tiny dead birds” in a Chinese passenger's luggage at Washington Dulles International Airport this week. I'll tell ya, seems like some folks will do just about anything to avoid airline food.  When asked what made him suspect the passenger’s package contained contraband, the Customs agent said “a little bird told me.” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Experts Say Insects May Be the Food of the Future:   Experts say current livestock practices simply won’t keep up with the worldwide food demands, and with livestock farming contributing to deforestation, diminishing water resources and greenhouse gases, scientists have been looking for alternative protein sources to meet the world’s nutritional needs - including plant-based proteins, lab-grown meat and especially insects, which are high in protein.   OK - got it!  “Waiter, I'll have the roach beast sandwich, an order of flies and a chocolate snake.”  And while some of you may balk at the thought of eating insects, let’s get real - anyone who regularly eats at places like Denny’s is certainly no stranger to eating bugs.  Besides, the way I look at it, if YouTube influencers can eat TidePods, there’s no reason the rest of us can’t eat a few bugs. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Targets Michelle Obama’s School Nutrition Guidelines:   Leading junk food manufacturers say they are extremely impressed after the Trump administration used Michelle Obama’s birthday, to announce a planned roll back of the school nutrition standards championed by the former First Lady - which emphasized fresh fruit and vegetables over junk food.  Well, finally President Trump is addressing an issue which has troubled most Trump supporters since Michelle Obama first proposed these crazy healthy lunches - and that is “why in the world would any self-respecting Republican parent ever wish to have their child live a healthy lifestyle?”  Why, that’s nearly as un-American as working families having access to affordable heath care! Besides, without junk food in their school lunches, how the hell are our nation’s children supposed to ingest their daily quota of grease, saturated fat, growth hormones and reckless doses of antibiotics - the best sources of which ar...