You've Got to Be Kidding?

White House Science Office Claiming Trump Ended COVID-19 Pandemic:  The White House’s Office of Science and Technology Policy lists "ending the COVID-19 pandemic" as the top accomplishment of President Trump’s first term, even as the U.S. continues to set records for new daily infections and numerous hospitals across the country are stretched to their breaking points. Oh, what a relief!  Did ya hear that America?  The pandemic’s over - so you can stop dying now!  Gee, I’ll bet those 83,000 folks who were just diagnosed today, will definitely be surprised to hear this.   Of course, the truth is - Donald Trump didn’t really stop the pandemic at all.  What he actually did was - he stopped doing anything about the pandemic.  And, while I’m sure that nuance will confuse Trump supporters, there is a difference. That said, kind of makes you wonder just who the hell is running the White House Science Office anyway - Ivanka or Eric?  One thing’s for...

Attorney General Barr Likens Mail-In Voting to Playing with Fire:   In a testy interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer,   Attorney General William Barr echoed President Trump’s attacks on widespread use of mail-in ballots during the pandemic, calling them “playing with fire.” Wow, I really appreciate the heads-up Mr. Attorney General.  Luckily for America, President Trump, Attorney General Barr and Postmaster General Louis DeJoy have all put their heads together, and have come up with a solution to this horrifying mail-in threat to our democracy - destroy the Post Office. Of course, the Attorney General really does have a valid point here.  After all, just because widespread voter fraud hasn't happened yet, even though millions of mail-in ballots have been cast since the Civil War, doesn’t mean there’s absolutely no possibly it could ever could.   Now, if I were Attorney General Barr, I would tried to further bolster my argument with that pesky Wolf Blitz...

Trump Promotes Conspiracy About Plane Entirely Filled with Antifa Thugs:   As he continues to slide in the polls, President Trump has been frequently relying on outrageous conspiracy theories, in an effort to define rival Joe Biden as simply a “front” for lawless anarchists, with an agenda controlled “by people in dark shadows.” In fact, during a recent interview with Fox News host Laura Ingraham, President Trump claimed a friend of his was on a plane - entirely filled with thugs in dark uniforms.  It was obvious these folks were looters, anarchists, rioters, and people who were looking for trouble - and all of them were headed to Republican National Convention, with the sole intention to “wreak havoc.” Holy cow!  It sounds like Trump’s poor friend must have accidentally boarded an “Antifa Airlines” flight.  That said, I have heard that travel agents will tell you that Antifa Air does have some of the best connections of anyone - especially, for those looking fo...

Trump’s Vancouver Hotel Files for Bankruptcy:  The parent company which owns one of President Trump’s newest hotels, the Trump International Hotel in Vancouver, a facility run and managed by the Trump Organization - has filed for bankruptcy, just three years after it opened. Well now, that’s completely understandable.  Let’s face it, Vancouver, Canada isn’t exactly what you would call a good fit for the Trump brand.  After all, Canada is still considered a “democracy.”  Let’s not forget that everything Trump touches, soon dies - including America.  Ironically, according to the promotional video, Eric Trump called Vancouver “one of the great cities of the world,” and “a place that’s so fitting for the Trump brand.”  Well - yes it is , and apparently - no, it wasn’t .”  Gee, and to think all this time, I was under the impression that “bankruptcy” was actually the “Trump brand.”  Silly me! Anyway, I think I’ve actually got an idea that just mig...

Republicans Cast Trump as the Best Choice for Women:   Republicans used the GOP convention this week to appeal directly to female voters, with prominent Republican women like White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany - attempting to portray the President as an “advocate for women” as he faces an overwhelming gender gap in his uphill battle for reelection. Well…I’m not so sure about how much the President can be considered an “advocate for women,” but I do know he’s always been a huge supporter of hookers, porn stars and female escorts.  I suppose that oughta count for something.  Of course, the only way we’ll ever really know for sure, is to wait until Sean Hannity finally comments on the issue. Not surprisingly, McEnany, Mike Pence and other Republicans, say this election boils down to nothing less than a choice between the Democrat’s far-left socialist agenda, one hell-bent on destroying America - and Donald Trump, who’s been busy protecting and preserving the “ ...

Trump Demands Biden Be Drug Tested Before Their Presidential Debate:   In a recent Oval Office interview, President Trump indicated he will insist that drug tests be administered before next month’s first presidential debate between he and Joe Biden, claiming (without evidence), that the sudden improvement in Biden’s last primary debate performance - may very well be attributed to drugs administered to him before the debate. Drug tests?  Great idea Mr President!  Hell, the debate’s moderator could start everything off - by directing both candidates to pee into a cup behind their podiums.  Of course, as usual - we’ll insist Mexico pay for all the testing.  And, while we’re at it, Biden should demand they also get STD tested.  That ought to shake things up in the Trump camp a bit.  Of course, an argument could be made that anyone who still supports Donald Trump at this stage of the game, is definitely on something that is affecting their judgem...

Trump Portrayed as Lifesaving Coronavirus Hero at Republican Convention:   At the Republican National Convention, President Trump was hailed as a bold and lifesaving leader, who who stood up to the virus, while Democrats, doctors and pundits got it all wrong from the beginning, downplaying the severity of the virus.   Great point Republicans!  And, let us not forget that Donald Trump was also the courageous hero, who led us to victory in Vietnam.  I mean, if you listen to the Democrats long enough, you’ll walk away thinking that while Americans soldiers were dying on the battlefield, draft dodger Donald Trump - was busy cheating his way through college and getting setup in business by his rich daddy.   Besides, senior Republican officials have already declared the coronavirus loss of life figures as - “acceptable.”  That means it’s time to move on folks!  So, let us all join the Reverend Jerry Falwell Jr., Jim Bakker and other white evangelicals, ...

Trump Says He Appreciates the Support of QAnon Conspiracy Theorists:   When pressed by a reporter about QAnon supporters believing he is secretly saving the world from a cult of pedophiles and cannibals led by Hillary Clinton and several Hollywood celebrates, a baseless theory which the FBI has flagged as a potential domestic terrorist threat, President Trump gave credence to the theory when he shot back - claiming he didn’t know much about them, but “how it can be a bad thing, saving the world from a Satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals?” Wow, I had no idea that "crazy" had now become such an important Republican voter block in America?  No wonder Republicans vehemently oppose any funding designed to address mental health issues in this country.  I mean, if troubled people started regaining their mental health again, Republicans might lose voters.  Now, in his defense, President Trump did deny knowing very much about these QAnon people, but said he appreciates t...

Source:  BBC.com Senate Report Labels Trump 2016 Campaign a Grave Counterintelligence Threat:   A newly released exhaustive investigation, which was run by members of President Trump’s own political party, is portraying the President’s 2016 campaign as a “grave security threat” to the United States of America, because of its myriad connections to Moscow, eagerness to exploit assistance from the Kremlin, and determination to conceal the full extent of its conduct. As soon as the report became public, many Americans soon began to wonder just how any Republicans could still be supportive of this “band of traitors?”  Well, the answer is, the Republican Party is actually a very big tent…for traitors. Meanwhile, some are even suggesting that Trump and his cohorts, ought be tried and then hung on the White House lawn - for treason.  Of course, no one knows if Trump will ever be hung.  But, one thing we do know is - he’ll never be well-hung .  At least, according...

President Brings in New Doctor to Advise Him on COVID-19 Response:   As tensions grow between the President and Doctors Fauci and Birx, President Trump announced that he’s decided to bring in Fox News Channel’s Dr. Scott Atlas to advise him on the Covid-19 pandemic, even though Dr. Atlas has no expertise in either public health or infectious diseases. So, as we all knew it would, our pandemic response has basically come down to a “calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard” situation.  Of course, and in all fairness, the President really had no choice in selecting Dr. Atlas, given that Dr Mengele has been dead for so long now. Meanwhile, Trump justified his decision to appoint someone with no infectious disease qualifications, by pointing out that Dr. Atlas is "a very famous man” and “he thinks what we’ve done is really good.” Well, that certainly makes good sense, but damn - it also reminds me of what a golden opportunity I missed to get some solid Covid-19 advice from my p...

Trump Declines to Denounce QAnon Conspiracy Theory:  After QAnon proponent Marjorie Taylor Greene won the Republican primary for Georgia’s 14th Congressional District, President Trump tweeted his congratulations and called her “a future Republican star.”   When asked by AP reporter Jill Colvin specifically about QAnon, all the President would say is “well, she’s very popular” and that “she won by a lot.” Actually, the correct answer to Ms, Colvin’s question is quite simple…the folks who believe in QAnon - also see Trump as a kind of "messiah figure."  And, when you couple that with the fact that “ Trump also sees Trump as a messiah figure” - what’s not for him to like? Now, the big conspiracy theory fostered by QAnon, is that Hillary Clinton and certain Hollywood celebrities - are the masterminds behind a extremely secretive, massive, sex-trafficking pedophile ring.   All I can say to that is, the very idea that Donald Trump is somehow a “ hero” in the fight...

Postal Service Warns States Delays May Disenfranchise Millions of Voters:  Anticipating an avalanche of absentee ballots along with Trump’s refusal to send the agency any emergency funding, the U.S. Postal Service is sending out detailed letters to 46 states and Washington D.C., warning it cannot guarantee all ballots cast by mail for the November election will arrive in time to be counted - which would basically leave tens of millions of voters disenfranchised. All politics aside, when Trump warns everyone about how this election promises to be the most rigged and fraudulent ever , he is absolutely correct.  Of course, what he doesn’t mention is - he will be the one orchestrating it. Compounding the problem, Postal Service whistleblowers warn that management has been sabotaging their efforts to keep the mail flowing, by removing tons of mailboxes, as well as shutting down and dismantling numerous mail sorting machines.   For heaven’s sake, how can this be happeni...

Secret Service Shoots Someone Outside White House:   President Trump was forced to suddenly exit his coronavirus briefing Monday evening, amid reports that the Secret Service had shot an armed gunman outside the White House grounds, who was then transported to the hospital. Gee, a gunman outside the White House?  I don’t get it - Trump is beloved by everyone.  Had to have been either Hunter Biden or Hillary Clinton.  So, I guess that means the President is back "inspecting" his bunker again.  Let’s hope Pence is keeping it well stocked. Of course, these days - if a female reporter asks a tough question or a stray cat runs across the White House lawn, Trump heads directly to his bunker.  Anyway, Trump is fine and returned to the podium in just 10 minutes.  All it took was a quick change of his soiled pants and he was back in action - ready to go. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Intelligence Data Indicates Russia Actively Trying to Interfere in US Election:  New intelligence data show that while China may actually “prefer” Joe Biden over Donald Trump, China’s efforts are more like classic spying, while Russia is “actively working” to meddle in our elections on Trump’s behalf.   When cornered about the issue, White House National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien admitted Russia is trying to interfere, but added that “it’s not just Russia, the Chinese don’t want the President reelected.”    Perhaps, but I got some bad news for O’Brien.  Roughly two thirds of Americans, and probably 90% of the rest of the world - don’t want to see Trump reelected either.  Besides, Trump is doing more then China could ever dream of, to sabotage himself.  Hell, not only does Trump not wanna prevent foreign election tampering, he’s actually counting on it.   The fact is, while Chinese leaders may “prefer" Joe Biden over Donald Trump, their ...

Trump Pledges to Permanently Cut Taxes That Fund Social Security and Medicare:  In one of his most controversial moves yet, President Trump said if he wins reelection in November, he will implement a permanent cut to the payroll taxes which fund Social Security and Medicare - cuts which experts call a very serious threat for the future of two our country’s main safety nets. Gee whiz, cutting off the taxes that fund Social Security and Medicare?  You can bet that likely has poor FDR rolling over in his grave!  Which is kind of a shame, because I suspect at this point, most Americans would much prefer that it was Donald Trump doing the all rolling. Anyway, I guess what his grand scheme boils down to is this - if the virus doesn’t finally kill off all the elderly, the frail, and the infirmed, then massive funding cuts to their healthcare and Social Security - sure ought to finish off the job.   Meanwhile, even conservative economists are cautioning Republican le...

Twitter Bans Trump Account Over Coronavirus Misinformation:   Facebook and Twitter have taken the extraordinary step of banning President Trump’s campaign account, for spreading lies and misinformation about the coronavirus, because of a video that was posted where the President claims “children can’t get the coronavirus, and if they do, it isn’t that bad.” Well then, if that’s the case, I suppose it’s time to enroll young Barron Trump into one of those Covid-19 schools.  Especially since 100 Mississippi students just had to be quarantined after their classmates tested positive for COVID-19, shortly after the school had reopened. Meanwhile, angry conservatives are arguing that, if you start banning President Trump every time he lies about something in a social media post, you’re basically preventing him from posting - which is pure censorship. Personally, I don’t think it’s necessary to actually ban the President or his accounts.  All you have to do is simply atta...

Dr. Birx Says U.S. Has Entered a ‘New Phase’ of the Pandemic:  Trump enabler and apologist Dr. Deborah Birx, the physician overseeing the White House coronavirus response, finally got the nerve Sunday to warn that the United States has entered a “new phase” of the pandemic and urged people to take extreme health precautions as infections and deaths are rising dramatically nationwide. Gee, a new phase?  How can this be a new phase?  I mean, Trump still gets to play plenty of golf.  OK, sooooo - what’s this new phase gonna be called, anyway?  The “goodbye grandma, grandpa and school children phase?”  Why, it’s almost as if this term they’re using “new phase,” is nothing more than a polite way of saying “this has really turned out to be a frigg’in disaster!”     Now, to be completely fair, I think Dr. Birx must simply have a different definition of the term “new phase.”  To me, a “new phase” would mean Dr. Birx has finally decided sh...

Trump Says He Will Ban TikTok from Operating in the US:   President Trump announced plans on Friday to use either emergency economic powers or an executive order, to ban the social media platform TikTok from operating here in the United States. So let’s see here, we have a killer pandemic spreading like crazy, our education system is in ruins, the US economy is collapsing around us, the postal service is nearly on it’s deathbed from lack of funding, and unemployment benefits are about to run out for over 30 million Americans.  But, never fear, our President has taken the helm and decided the solution is - banning a silly social media app called “TikTok." Now, that said, and in all fairness - Donald Trump is not alone in his dread of “TikTok.”  Why, even Captain Hook, of Peter Pan fame, shook in fear, just upon hearing anything that remotely sounded like “TikTok.”  And hell, while he’s at it, why not also consider banning tic tacs - just to be on the saf...

Trump Sycophantic Jim Jordan Attacks Fauci Over BLM Protests:   During Friday’s House coronavirus hearings, hard line Trump ally Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), came right after Anthony Fauci with a series of extremely combative questions, such as whether he thinks the government should limit protests to help slow the spread of the coronavirus. Jordon further confronted Fauci, claiming that support for “Black Lives Matter” protests is "encouraging riots.”  Well then, no wonder Rep. Jordon is mad as hell.  After all, "encouraging riots” is supposed to be Donald Trump’s job - and we all know how hard it is to find good jobs these days. Now, I know Jordon’s critics are gonna claim Donald Trump has been holding large, crammed rallies, where hardly anyone wears masks - but, if you watched Fox News, you’d know that "no one’s ever contracted the coronavirus by attending a Trump rally.”   Well, of course, there’s Herman Cain - but let’s get real.  If Republica...

Trump Demands Coronavirus Bill Include White House Renovation Money:   With so many Americans out of work and struggling to make ends meet, the White House has been stirring controversy by demanding that the next “Coronavirus Bill” include $377 million, so the Trump’s can renovate the White House. Seriously?  The Trumps are really asking for $377 million, so they can remodel the White House?  Geez, besides being a helluva lot of money - and knowing the Trump style, do we really want to see this national heritage transformed into looking like some cheap, Versailles-themed, French bordello?   Hey, I got an idea!  Why not just let the good folks over at Earl Scheib?  Hell, they’ll paint the whole place for just $99.95.  That’ll save approximately $376,999,900.05.  Why, that’s nearly enough to commission another Trump portrait to hang on the White House walls.   Besides, what’s the point?  I hear-tell come January, there’s a ...