You've Got to Be Kidding?

Right-wing podcast host and Trump apologist Steve Bannon told viewers on his Real America’s Voice “War Room” show that children should be taught to handle guns in school so they are not "picked on" by bullies.   Bannon claims, “We should get kids off social media and start teaching them the proper use of guns, how to defend themselves, their own self-defense,” adding that “we should make that an integrated part of the education so they're not picked on or not threatened and certainly not scared.” Why, what an innovative idea!  Put an end to school bullying by letting the kiddies loose in the schoolyard with loaded guns.   Makes you wonder why no educational institutions ever have come up with an idea like that before.   And Red State politicians could pass “Stand Your Playground” laws to legally protect school kids who have chosen to exercise their “God-given” Second Amendment rights on each other in America’s schoolyards. Obviously, it takes a dedicated MAGA Republ...

Larry Gene Gay, 70, of Springfield, Missouri, is being held at the Greene County Jail on a $50,000 bond after he held a gun to a Price Cutter employee's throat after being told the meat department was closed.   The said employee said he received a call from the meat department about a man behind the counter packing his own meat.   The employee then approached the man and told him that he could not be back behind the counter, at which time the man became upset and said he was going to keep doing what he was doing.   When the employee said he was not going to help him with the meat, Mr. Gay stuck his gun to the employee’s throat.   After police were called and he was confronted outside in his truck, Mr. Gay then claimed he had only showed the employee his gun “Just to say I’m not stealing.   I need you here to help me to get a couple of these steaks.   I’m not going to hurt you.” You bet!  Because nothing says, “I’m not going to hurt you,” like ramming a...

Gun Nut Republican Lauren Boebert Tells Christians to Forget the Natural Realm:   Conspiracy theorist, assault weapon fetishist, and Trump-supporting Republican congresswoman Lauren Boebert, exploded into a massive “word salad” after being asked on The Victory Channel’s “Flashpoint” show this week “what is it American Christians need to do?”   This led Boebert to advise Christians not to “be distracted by what you are seeing in the natural,” adding that “we are taking ground in the spirit realm” and “it has to take place there before we actually see it here in the natural” because “God has a great plan for America.”     Wow, now I have to admit that I haven’t the slightest idea what the hell she’s talking about, but in all fairness - I’m not taking any of those medications that her target audience is taking.  The fact is, when most of us actually look into that “natural realm” that Rep. Boebert mentioned, what we really see is an absolutely insane person - w...

Man Kills Waitress Who Asked Him to Extinguish His Cigarette:  A Mississippi man is under arrest after police say he gunned down a Waffle House waitress who had simply asked him to put out his cigarette while he was inside the restaurant.   Police are describing the incident as an open-and-shut case, adding that they’ve already recovered the “smoking” gun.  Meanwhile, an NRA spokesperson reminded reporters that “guns are not the problem here - waffles are.”  Health officials countered that this is just another example of how cigarettes can kill.   Back at the restaurant, some local hunters were also chiming-in, and while not fully condoning the shooter’s behavior, they did point out that actions such as these are occasionally necessary in small, rural communities - in order to keep the local waitress population in check.   An NRA spokesman then told the crowd that the obvious solution was to immediately arm all Waffle House waitresses throughout the st...

DHS Threatens to Send Federal Law Enforcement Into Portland:   After a far right protester, part of a heavily armed 600-vehicle caravan of white nationalist Trump supporters who entered Portland with plans to confront BLM protestors, was fatally shot - acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf has been threatening to send in federal law enforcement to confront the BLM protesters - even though Portland officials warn sending in the Feds will only further inflame tensions. Now, let’s see here.  President Trump makes a series of inflammatory speeches, which dog whistle his cult’s white nationalist storm troopers to head into Portland for the sole purpose of using the threat of violence to try and intimidate BLM protesters - and then he blames all the chaos on city officials?  I mean, gee whiz - who could have ever imagined that a heavily armed contingent of angry white nationalists, coming into town with loaded weapons, intent on confronting Black Lives Matter demons...

Secret Service Shoots Someone Outside White House:   President Trump was forced to suddenly exit his coronavirus briefing Monday evening, amid reports that the Secret Service had shot an armed gunman outside the White House grounds, who was then transported to the hospital. Gee, a gunman outside the White House?  I don’t get it - Trump is beloved by everyone.  Had to have been either Hunter Biden or Hillary Clinton.  So, I guess that means the President is back "inspecting" his bunker again.  Let’s hope Pence is keeping it well stocked. Of course, these days - if a female reporter asks a tough question or a stray cat runs across the White House lawn, Trump heads directly to his bunker.  Anyway, Trump is fine and returned to the podium in just 10 minutes.  All it took was a quick change of his soiled pants and he was back in action - ready to go. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Biden Is Against God and Will Hurt the Bible:   President Trump is claiming that presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee and practicing Catholic Joe Biden, is "against God" and will “hurt the Bible,” adding that Biden will also "take away your guns, take away your Second Amendment,” so there’ll be “no religion, no anything.” Now, when the President claims that Biden is gonna hurt God, it’s important to remind Trump supporters that Donald Trump isn’t really God.  He just wants to be. Like that interview the other day - when they asked him about the rising Covid-19 death toll, and all Trump could say was “well, it is what it is.”  Good point!  Kind of reminds me of that time Jesus walked into a leper colony and said “well, it is what it is.”  I’m tellin’ ya, the parallels here, are downright eerie. Folks, if you ask me, it all boils down to that age-old question, “why did the big chicken cross the road?”  Of course, those who keep u...

Gun Rights Advocates Hang Kentucky Gov. Beshear in Effigy:   Gun rights advocates sparked outrage after their “Second Amendment Freedoms” protest against Kentucky’s stay-at-home orders - culminated in the hanging of Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear in effigy from a tree outside the State Capitol in Frankfort.  Attached to Gov. Beshear’s dummy was a quote from John Wilkes Booth, which was strung around his neck, while other protesters banged on the windows and doors of the Governor's Mansion, demanding that Beshear come out. Now, what the hell does “gun rights” have to do with the coronavirus?  I guess they must think they can kill the virus with an AR-15.  Now, before you laugh, I suppose this makes just about as much sense as injecting bleach.  The bottom line is, everyone has the right to “act stupid.”  Unfortunately, these folks aren’t acting. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Michigan Hunter Shoots Brother After Mistaking Him for a Deer:   A man is recovering in a Michigan hospital after being shot by his brother in a hunting accident, who mistook his brother’s movement, off in the distance - for an injured deer he had just shot. Wow, the guy shot his "deer brother?”  Sounds like we’ve got a winner for this year’s Dick Cheney Award.  Now, on a positive note, at least he didn’t try and field dress him and then tie him to the hood of his truck.   Of course, to be completely fair here, I haven’t even seen a picture of the injured brother, so I have no idea whether or not he actually looks enough like a deer, that someone would wanna start shooting a gun at him. And is it just me, or does the idea of blasting away at something, simply because it's “moving” - seem like a not very well-thought out approach?  I mean, I see a lot of thing’s which are moving - that we probably shouldn’t shoot at. But, all that aside, I susp...

New Report Finds Russians Used Greed to Capture the NRA:   A year-long Senate finance committee investigation found that ties between the National Rifle Association (NRA) and influential Russians were both substantial and lucrative enough, to render the politically powerful gun lobby an “asset” of Russia. No kidding - an asset of Russia?  Hell, the guy who lives just down the street from me is a huge gun enthusiast.  I should probably drop by and ask him how many Rubles it takes these days to get an NRA membership. Now, the NRA has recently taken a lot of slack for opposing legislation geared toward preventing people with severe mental health issues from owning guns, but I aways understood the NRA position on the matter.  After all, if the mentally ill couldn’t own guns, then who the hell they supposed to get to join the NRA?   Of course, in all fairness, I’m sure it’s all purely coincidental that just about every single Republican or conservati...

Teen Girl With AK47 Arrested for Plan to Shoot 400 People:   An 18-year-old girl, who had been expelled from McAlester High in Oklahoma after being caught multiple times at school with a knife and a swastika, was arrested after she told co-workers she was planning to "shoot 400 people for fun" at her old high school. Wow, I’ll have to assume she may have misunderstood her guidance councilors when they told her to “dream big.”  Of course, I’m sure Trump, the NRA and the all the Republicans are gonna put the blame squarely on the dreaded video games.  OK, if that’s the case, I guess that means the cops ought to let her keep her guns, and just confiscate her video games?  Problem solved! Ironically, her co-workers told police she is one of those people who was always trying to convince people that “not all gun owners are bad people.”  Hell, maybe this was just her special way of demonstrating the difference?  Anyway, one thing’s for sure, she’s cert...

Joe Arpaio to Run for Maricopa County Sheriff Again:   Joe Arpaio, an 87-year-old convicted felon pardoned by President Trump and a former sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., who gained national notoriety for his inhumane treatment of prisoners and his disdain for immigrants, announced he will be running again for sheriff of Maricopa County.     Wow, who knew convicted criminals can run for sheriff in Arizona?  I mean, the fact Arpaio got a pardon doesn’t mean he’s innocent.  It just means he’s well connected.  After all, he was an early endorser of Donald Trump for President.  Given that, I’m surprised Trump hasn't appointed him FBI Director by now. But, regardless of the pardon, the guy was convicted of a felony - which means he can’t legally even own a gun.  I mean, even putting all the criminal convictions aside, why the hell would you elect someone sheriff who can’t legally own a gun? And what the hell will be his campaign sloga...

Tomi Lahren Claims We Need Guns for Defense Against Immigrants:   Fox Nation host Tomi Lahren is claiming that Americans need guns in order to fight off the unlimited illegal immigrants pouring into the United States, adding that citizens need the ability to “defend themselves” because “we don’t know” who’s coming into this country. Well, she’s certainly not alone in her thinking.  I mean, there have been quite a few other well-known folks who’ve said just about the same thing.  You know, people like Dylann Roof and El Paso shooter Patrick Crusius to name a few. Of course, the 2nd Amendment does call for a well-regulated militia.”  That said, I always assumed a well-regulated militia” meant organizations like the National Guard - and pretenders like Billy Joe Bob and his pals running around acting like tough guys by walking into Popeye’s restaurants fully armed with loaded assault rifles  - not so much. Anyway, it must be difficult living in cons...

Trump Admin Preparing to Ban Flavored E-Cigarettes:  Telling reporters “we can’t allow people to get sick,”  President Trump said he is alarmed by the huge jump in vaping by young people, and announced plans for a ban on most flavored e-cigarettes. So, we “can’t allow our young people to get sick," but apparently, it’s still just fine if they get shot by assault rifles.  Wow, this President really knows his stuff.  Let’s see, 50,000 gun deaths and we do nothing, but 6 vaping deaths, and it’s a national emergency.  You know, that actually good sense, especially if you’re heavily addicted to methamphetamines.  And to be completely honest, I’m rather surprised Mr Trump and his henchmen haven’t considered forcing more teens into cages.  You know, like they do to those poor refugee kids down at the border.  Hell, that ought to stop the little bastards from vaping. Anyway, to counterbalance all these vaping bans, Mr Trump promised he’ll lo...

Western Texas Shooting Leaves 5 Dead and 21 Injured:   Police say they’ve shot and killed a white male shooter in his mid-30s in Odessa, Texas - after the man killed 5 and injured at least 21 in yet another Texas mass shooting spree.  Now call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer those good old days when Labor Day weekends meant going to the lake or having a back yard barbecue - rather than trying to escape the carnage of a mass shooting.  But that’s just me. Yet, here we have another angry, trigger-happy Texan, riding around in his car, probably singing his rendition of that old Sam Cooke number “it’s another Saturday night, and I ain't shot nobody.”   Or, maybe he was just pissed because the local Popeyes was all out of chicken sandwiches by the time he got there?  Who knows?  Either way, it’s about time for Republicans to cue up their old “mental illness explanations” again.   Anyway, it sounds like what these poor folks really ne...

Mental Health Staff Warned Don’t Contradict Trump on Mass Shootings:  After Donald Trump blamed mental illness for the mass shootings that killed 31 people in El Paso and Dayton, a Health and Human Services (HHS) directive immediately warned government scientists and experts not to dare contradict the President on the topic of “violence and mass shootings,” even though Trump’s comments run counter to well-established research on the matter.  Well then, now that we know mental illness is the culprit behind all this horror, I guess all we can do is hope that President Trump, his staff and those rabid supporters of his will get that mental health treatment they so desperately need.   That said, one has to wonder why anyone would even bother trying to contradict this President anyway?  I mean, all you have to do is just give him a day or so and he’ll be contradicting himself all over the place. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

WA State Rep Helped Train Men in Christian Group for Biblical Warfare:  Washington State Rep. Matt Shea, a Republican who made national headlines last year when his document a “Biblical Basis for War” got leaked to the public, has been training young men involved in a Christian paramilitary organization called “Team Rugged.”  In addition, Rep. Shea has been identified in chat rooms discussing the need to violently attack political enemies.  All this, while he was also running the Washington State GOP.   My, my - so much for that “turn the other cheek” stuff.  And gee wiz, a religious organization training young men to fight and kill their fellow citizens who don’t hold the same beliefs - in a holy war?   Why, if one didn’t know better, one might think these folks are basically a “Christian ISIS.”  The way I look at it, it’s one thing when some crazed religious fanatic decides it’s time to “take up the sword for Jesus,” but it’s quite anoth...

Trump Says Economy Goes Down the Tubes if He Loses in 2020:  As he headed out to yet another one of his pep rallies in New Jersey, President Trump predicted that if he loses his reelection bid in 2020, the economy will “go right down the tubes.” Well, thank you Mr President, but I think at this point in time - it’s a pretty safe bet to assume that a sizable amount of the people have already concluded that “that’s a risk we’re willing to take.” I mean, running on a record of endless mass shootings, scores of appointees in jail or under indictment, looming environmental disasters and economic uncertainty?  Now, that seems like one hell of an unusual campaign platform!    Of course, the President is now blaming the Federal Reserve for all of our economic woes.  OK, so I guess now all we need to do is figure out who that idiot moron was who picked Jerome Powell to run the Fed.  Oh wait…!!! And, if I understand him correctly, the Preside...

Las Vegas Neo-Nazi Charged With Plot to Bomb Gay Club and Synagogue:   The FBI arrested and charged 23-year-old Las Vegas neo-Nazi Conor Climo, with plotting to bomb a synagogue and gay night club after he was found in possession of bomb-making materials and various high-powered weapons and ammunitions while communicating with white supremacist organizations. Well, it also turns out this fine gentleman was yet another one of those “patriotic” Americans who fancied himself as a self-appointed neighborhood watch guard - and a heavily armed one at that, complete with knives, pistols and an AR-15.   Now, I hate to sound judgmental, but I suspect that if your neighborhood watch guy looks like this guy - perhaps your neighborhood might be better off without a “neighborhood watch guy.”   Meanwhile, President Trump says he’ll be meeting with the NRA very soon on the topic of gun violence.  Now I realize Republicans are always telling us that those NRA folks ar...

Christian TV Host Calls Mass Shootings Deep State Plot to Block Worship:   Right-wing Christian TV host and conspiracy theorist Chris McDonald told viewers and parishioners that the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton occurred - because of a “pure evil.”  He then went on to explain how people are being used as pawns in an elite, deep state plot to control this country by taking away our guns and therefore, our freedom to worship God. Now, in all fairness, Reverend McDonald does have a valid point about the "deep state” plotting to confiscate guns in order to prevent worship.  I mean, just how the hell is someone supposed to worship God without a gun?  That just wouldn’t make any sense.   Got it, but then my question is - if the "deep state" is really all that concerned about stopping people from worshiping Jesus, then why not target actual churches instead places like El Paso Walmarts and hipster bars over in Dayton, Ohio?     Anyway, ...