You've Got to Be Kidding?

Pro-Trump Lawyer Implicates Justice Roberts in Antonin Scalia’s Death:   The Daily Beast is reporting that Lin Wood, a pro-Trump lawyer and prolific conspiracy theorist, took to Twitter Wednesday to suggest that Chief Justice John Roberts had advanced knowledge of, or may have been actually involved in - Justice Antonin Scalia's death in 2016.   No kidding?  Who knew?  And, I’ll bet it was good old Justice Clarence Thomas who ratted him out.  My guess is, Roberts probably smothered poor Antonin with a pillow while he slept.  Good grief!  He better not have used one of Mike  Lindell’s “MyPillows.”  Why, that’s one of Sean Hannity’s best advertisers. A rather bazaar theory to say the least.  I mean, is it just me, or have Republicans somehow managed to transform themselves - from being the “Party of Lincoln,” into what now can only be described as the “Party of the Twilight Zone?”   At this point, all I can say is, with groups like QAnon and folks like Sidney Powell and Lin Wo

Mitch McConnell Blocks Attempt to Quickly Approve $2,000 Stimulus Checks:   Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday blocked consideration of a House bill that would deliver $2,000 stimulus payments to desperate, unemployed Americans - extra funds that could help folks as they try to make ends meet during these hard times.   Now, like Mitch McConnell, many Republicans say they oppose the idea of just “handing out free money” to people who really don’t need it - people who’ll probably just spend that extra cash on frivolous things like Nike Air Jordans, Sony Play Stations, colon hydrotherapy or tumescent liposuction.   Now, I have to admit, they do make a good point.  Truth be known, why I was actually planning on using that stimulus money to put a down payment on a new Bugatti Veyron.  Had the color picked out and everything.  I was gonna go with a kind of a “battleship gray” color.  You know, to match Mitch McConnell’s face.  But, anyway - what can you say?  Mosc

QAnon Trump Fans Claim Nashville Bombing Was a Chinese Missile Strike:   QAnon Trump supporters by the hundreds are pushing a bogus conspiracy theory all over the internet, claiming that the Nashville suicide bombing was actually a Chinese military operation, designed to steal the US presidential election.   QAnon further explains that the explosion was actually a missile strike, aimed at destroying Dominion voting machines, which were allegedly being audited at the AT&T facility. Now admittedly, my first reaction was “oh, come on!   Why the hell would the Chinese ever wanna launch a missile attack on Nashville?   Then it occurred to me, the CCP's dislike of country music is well known.   Why, I’ll bet not one member of the CCP politburo has a single Hank Williams tune on any of their playlists.     So, why the hell pick on Nashville?  Well, why not?  Guess bombing Nashville makes about as much sense as anything else coming out of QAnon.  And, if I’m understanding the plot

Marco Rubio Says Dr. Anthony Fauci is a Liar and an Elitist:   With the very real possibility of facing a primary challenge from Ivanka Trump in 2020, Florida senator Marco Rubio has now been desperately trying to appeal to Donald Trump’s far-right supporters, with his latest move being an attack on National Institute of Health virologist Dr. Anthony Fauci - implying he is a liar and an elitist. Gee, could this possibly be the same Marco Rubio, who used his “elite” position to get vaccinated for COVID-19 ahead of most everyone else, despite not being in any known high-risk category?  Or, perhaps the same Marco Rubio, who voted against sending poor, financially desperate Americans - a meager stimulus check?   And now, Rubio’s telling everyone that Dr. Fauci is just another fancy pants, elitist snob, who’s trying to scare folks - by making way too much noise about the need for getting vaccinated?  Oh, I see his point.  I mean, it’s not like we’re in the middle of some deadly pandemi

Trump Tweets Declaration of War on Republican Party:   Lashing out on Twitter, President Trump is just furious that the Republicans in the Senate are acknowledging that President-elect Joe Biden won the 2020 election - claiming that “I saved at least 8 Republican Senators, including Mitch, from losing in the last rigged (for President) election,” and "Now they (almost all) sit back and watch me fight against a crooked and vicious foe, the Radical Left Democrats.   I will NEVER FORGET!” Now, I have no idea about whether or not he’ll actually ever forget about those perceived “ungrateful Republicans,” but what I do know is - he sure seems to have forgotten about coronavirus pretty damn fast.  Funny how the memory works, isn’t it? But, good grief!  What a darn shame it would be, if the entire Trump cult, just up and decided to declare war on Republicans - and then either formed their own party, or simply refused to vote Republican?  Hell, I’m tearing up a wee bit, just thinking

Pastor Cries And Begs God To Make Trump President Again:   During a livestream broadcast earlier this week, Trump-loving televangelist Pastor Robert Henderson, who earlier this year had claimed his prayers had caused the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg - this time cried and begged God that he was “petitioning the courts of heaven” to overturn the 2020 election, so that Donald Trump “shall be reseated as President of the United States of America.” So, Pastor Henderson’s been claiming his prayers were responsible for Justice Ginsburg’s death?  Well then, Pastor Henderson - you’re under arrest, for the murder of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  You have the right to remain silent - but of course, as we all know, there’s a fat chance that’ll ever happen. And now, to top things off, you’ve been petitioning God to overturn the entire 2020 US election results?  Now, I’m certainly no lawyer or legal scholar, but isn’t that called soliciting a non-citizen to interfere in the US elect

Lame Duck Trump Unleashes a Tsunami of 20 Pardons:   As the clock quickly runs out on his presidency, President Trump is responding by unleashing a flurry of pardons, including four Blackwater mercenaries who were convicted of murdering 14 innocent and unarmed Iraqis, two border patrol agents who shot an unarmed immigrant, and a Florida nursing home mogul, who perpetrated a billion-dollar Medicare fraud - the largest in US history.   Not quite finished there, Trump then pardoned three former Republican members of Congress as well as two people convicted of crimes related to Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. Gee whiz, and to think I just assumed Trump was finished with all this pardoning stuff after the Thanksgiving turkey.  Silly me!  And that, my friends, is simply Act 1 in the “dial-a-pardon” portion of our interregnum.  So, hang on tight folks, because the next three weeks promise to be a helluva ride!   Now, Republicans will claim the President is simply

Pat Robertson Tells Trump to Accept Biden’s Win and Move On:   Televangelist Pat Robertson, one of President Trump’s staunchest backers, on Monday described Trump as “very erratic” and “living in an alternate reality.”   Robertson then called on the President to accept that Joe Biden had won the election, adding that Trump should also not consider running again in 2024. Now, wait a minute!  Are you telling me that the Pat Robertson actually told Donald Trump that Joe Biden won and it’s time to move on?  Holy Mackerel, is it just my imagination, or did hell just freeze over?  My word, Pat Robertson is now part of the Deep State.   Good grief, now I’m really confused!  As we all know, only an idiot would ever believe anything Pat Robertson says - and now he says “Trump lost?”  Could that possibly mean that actually Trump won?  I mean, just when we all thought 2020 couldn't get more bizarre - Pat Robertson has a lucid moment.  All I can say is, when a guy who predicted the end

Angry Trump Intensifying Efforts to Challenge Election Results:   While the deadly coronavirus rages on out of control, President Trump’s focus has been to intensify his efforts to overturn the election, proposing a series of radical measures - including declaring martial law and military intervention, seizing voting machines, and attempting yet another bogus appeal to the Supreme Court.   To accomplish this aim, the President has been meeting with close confidants, such as disgraced former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and his conspiracy theorist attorney Sidney Powell, his personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani and Sen-elect Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.), who plans to challenge the electoral vote count when the House and Senate convene on Jan. 6 to formally affirm President-elect Joe Biden’s victory. Additionally, but not fully confirmed, sources are reporting that the President has also been privately consulting with attorney Jackie Chiles, the former Seinfeld character from season

Trump Downplays Russian Involvement in Cyberattack:   After a prolonged silence, President Trump finally commented on the massive cybersecurity breach, contradicting Secretary of State Pompeo and other top officials, by scoffing at the focus being on the Kremlin, and downplaying the impact of the intrusions.   Intrusions, which the nation’s top cybersecurity agency is warning poses a “grave” threat to government and private networks.   The President then suggested, without any evidence, that it may be China - and not Russia - who is behind this cyber-espionage operation. So, President Trump is now attempting to blame everything on China instead of Russia, regardless of Pompeo’s evidence to the contrary?  Sounds like Mr. Trump must have gotten an angry call from the boss.  Well, I suppose this means we’re quickly approaching the “Last Days of Pompeo.” Now, if you can remember, when Trump’s not blaming things on China, then he usually blaming some “400-pound guy” for all our trouble

Kushner Shell Company Diverted Campaign Cash to Trump Family Members:   It’s being reported that the President’s son-in-law and White House senior adviser Jared Kushner, helped set up a dummy shell company that secretly laundered $617 million of the Trump campaign’s $1.26 billion war chest - to Donald Trump’s family members. Wow, these grifters make folks like John Dillinger and those Nigerian princes - look like Cub Scouts.  Hell, at least the Mafia had some sort of a code of honor.  And, silly me!  Why, to think all this time, I just assumed they were diverting all that cash to orphanages and animal shelters. That said, it was apparently money well stolen.  So, if you’ve ever wondered why Trump would put someone like Jared Kushner in charge of practically everything, now you have the answer.  And, all he’s really done is employ the standard “televangelist business model” to politics. Now, for those of you who are upset and angry about this theft, you need to understand that Ja

States Say Trump Administration is Reducing Vaccine Shipments:   Officials in multiple states say they were alerted late Wednesday that their second shipments of Pfizer’s vaccine had been drastically cut, sparking widespread confusion and conflicting statements from both Pfizer and federal officials about who is at fault, with the Trump Administration claiming Pfizer is having production difficulties, and Pfizer countering that they are having no production issues at all - and have many millions of doses immediately available, above and beyond what is already being distributed. Of course, before we pass judgment here, we all know that there are always two sides to every story.  That said, you can be pretty damn sure that the Trump side - will consist primarily of complete nonsense, sprinkled on top of a heaping mound of total and utter bull sh*t.  Just consider what a funny world we’re living in these days.  A world where a damn pharmaceutical giant is now perhaps a 1000 times mor

Ohio Man Arrested After Having Sex With A Van:  A 35-year-old Dayton, Ohio man named Michael William Henson, is in custody and facing indecency charges, after a witness reported seeing him attempt to have sex with the front grill of a van parked on a nearby street. Wow, I guess this witness must have caught him in his headlights.  Police say the man initially denied the charges, claiming he and the van were “just friends,” but after the police “grilled him” on the matter, he later admitted he became attracted to the vehicle after noticing the van had not only lots of “junk in the trunk,” but also keyless entry. When police asked him why have sex with a van parked on the street, instead of the privacy of a garage, he said it was because he sensed the van was really attracted to him, and he was afraid that if the van became real “turned on” inside a garage, he might get asphyxiated by the exhaust fumes.  When questioned, neighbors reported that Henson was already living full-time

Pro-Trump Groups in Violent Clashes During Election Fraud Protests:  Incensed by a Supreme Court ruling that essentially dissolved President Trump’s last-ditch efforts to invalidate November’s Presidential election, thousands of angry Trump supporters, including groups such as Proud Boys and other right-wing organizations, clashed with counterprotesters in Washington, DC and several state capitals on Saturday, to protest what they contended - without any evidence, was a stolen election. Gee, apparently the Proud Boys must have taken themselves a short break from making plans to kidnap governors - to attend this rally.  And my word, don’t those rednecks look mighty spiffy in their cute little black and yellow costumes?  Now, I’m guessing that the black symbolizes the color of their hearts, while the yellow represents the color of their spines. Why, just take a look at those folks.   Oozing out both hatred and the coronavirus, all at the same time.   Now, that’s some fancy multitaski

Republicans Talk Secession After Supreme Court Rejects Texas Election Challenge:   After the United States Supreme Court on Friday dismissed yet another baseless attempt by President Trump and the state of Texas to overturn the election results in four states won by Democrat Joe Biden, some prominent Republicans are now suggesting their next move may be secession, or possibly even civil war. Geez, what the hell is it with Texas anyway?  Wonder how much we’d have to offer Mexico to take Texas back?  Not that they’d even be interested, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.  But, I get it.  Losing that election, really hurt Trump and his cult follower’s sensitive feelings.   Hey, wait a minute!  I’ve got an idea - maybe we should offer Trump one of those “participation ribbons,” for coming in second?  I mean, there’s nothing quite like a nice, shiny, colorful ribbon - to help someone feel better about themselves.  Why would a wannabe dictator be any different?   And, if he wanted, Donald Tr

Pat Robertson Claims Texas Election Lawsuit Part of God’s Master Plan:   Televangelist Pat Robertson recently told viewers of his popular 700 Club program, that the Texas lawsuit aimed at overturning the 2020 election in favor of Donald Trump - is all part of God’s master plan. Really?  You know, sometimes I could swear Pat Robertson just says shit like that, because he enjoys hearing the sound of his creepy voice, bouncing off those vacant walls - throughout his empty head.  I mean, just think about it.  If God ultimately wanted Trump to be President, then why have Biden win in the first place?   Of course, any Trump supporter can tell you it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why God would have let Biden win the election - George Soros probably got to him.  Which makes me wonder, if this bogus lawsuit by the Texas AG ends up going up in flames like all the others before it - must we therefore conclude, that God is now part of the “deep state?” Johnny Robish Comedy

Trump Mulling Extravagant White House Exit to Upstage Biden Inauguration:   Axios reports that President Trump is considering an elaborate spectacle of a departure from the White House, including announcing a 2024 presidential bid during the Biden inauguration, then ceremoniously departing on Marine One, before flying to his primary residence in Florida for a 2024 campaign rally - all in an attempt to upstage the modest Biden inauguration ceremony. So, I guess it appears Mr. Trump simply couldn’t resist pulling off just one more shenanigan on his way out the door.  Talk about a "Monster's Ball!”  And, while many may argue that this spectacle is yet another one of his disgusting and childish ploys, remember this “elaborate departure” scheme is a much more benign choice than the alternative - that being a petulant, sulking Donald Trump, decides to set the White House on fire as he leaves.  That said - would I ever LOVE to be the one organizing this “grand exit” of theirs. 

Trump Tweets Rudy Giuliani Has Tested Positive for Coronavirus:   President Trump has just tweeted that his personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani, who has been the main point man in the President’s bid to overturn the November election, has tested positive for the coronavirus. Geez, don’t tell me yet another Republican coronavirus denier, has now tested positive for the virus?  Why, who could’ve thunk it?  My word, the Republican Party is working like a well-designed, self-cleaning oven.  Now, my question is, does anyone know if Beano can cure Covid-19?  Otherwise, Rudy’ll soon be farting Hydroxychloroquine.  Now, on a positive note for Rudy, most of those hospital gowns are backless.  But, come on!  Who could have possibly imagined that meeting with hundreds and hundreds of people, without social distancing or wearing a face mask - while you’re trying to undermine the basic foundations of our democracy, could make you vulnerable to contracting this horrible disease - other than jus

Michigan Pastor Tells Parishioners to Deliberately Get Covid-19:  Michigan pastor Bart Spencer of the Lighthouse Baptist Church, is facing a major backlash following a sermon he recently gave, in which he told his congregation to deliberately contract COVID-19 to “get it over with.”  He then added that "Some of you may die, but that's a risk I'm willing to take." Oh yeah, right!  In fact, this reminds me of the time when Jesus saw the leper lying helplessly by the side of the road and, instead of healing him - told everyone in the crowd that they should try and get leprosy also - just to “get it over with.”   You know, it’s kind of funny too because - I always assumed that Christians were supposed to help those in need, not kill them.  But - like it or not, it’s apparently all right there in the Bible.  No, not the King James version, but the “Trump Bible.”   And, if you act quickly, you can pick up a special edition of the new “Trump Bible,” which now comes with a

Human Foot Found in Seattle Recycling Bin:   Police in Seattle report that a local homeowner found three adult body parts - including a foot - in the Central District recycling bin.   Authorities further added that the body parts were packaged and still quite fresh.   Wow, sounds like folks in Seattle are taking all this recycling stuff - just a wee-bit too seriously!  On the other hand, you’ve gotta hand it to a town where even the murders are so environmentally friendly, that they’re now recycling all their victims.  Hmmm, I wonder which color bins you’re supposed to use when you’re disposing of body parts.  Now, I’ve been using the blue ones. Anyway, when asked if they had any clues in the case, a police spokesperson said “no, at this point, we’re completely stumped.”  Of course, given that the foot was completely severed from the body, one might conclude the victim was probably rather “footloose.”  Meanwhile, city officials say if no one claims the foot after three months, the h

DOJ Reportedly Investigating White House Pay for Pardons Scheme:  CNN and the New York Times are reporting that the Dept. of Justice has been investigating a bribery scheme that involves the possible purchase of Presidential pardons, a potential crime related to the funneling of money into the White House or a related political committee, in exchange for presidential pardons.   Oh, for crying out loud!  What’s the big deal anyway?  Why, the Catholic Church used to sell indulgences back in the Middle Ages all the time, and Donald Trump, being the extremely religious and pious man that he is - is simply trying to bring back the practice.  Why, I’m pretty sure you can even find a Biblical reference to it in “Two Corinthians.”  Meanwhile, some are complaining that the Trump Administration is basically letting Rome burn while the economy is tanking and the deadly coronavirus blazes on.  All of which may be true, but this investigation shows that even so, the White House is still “wide o