You've Got to Be Kidding?

The Daily Beast reports that Marjorie Taylor Greene is disgusted that websites like “ Pornhub” exist and even more “horrified” that Hunter Biden may have used them.   During her keynote address at Ohio’s Putnam County “Lincoln Reagan Dinner,” Marjorie Taylor Greene discussed at length her discovery of adult film sites like Pornhub.  She told the crowd that “There is a website, you may or may not have heard about it - called Pornhub ,” Greene said.   “It is a disgusting porn website.   As a matter of fact, it should be illegal. I don’t even know why it exists.”   A disgusted Greene also claimed that “porn” will lead to the “Global downfall of manliness.”   Greene then claimed that the “only reason” she had become such an expert in adult videos is because of Hunter Biden and a laptop computer that once belonged to him, adding that she recently found out that Hunter Biden had “multiple accounts on this Pornhub , pornography, sex website,” prompting her outra...

Kim Kardashian Can’t Wait to Be "Enlightened" With Fourth Child:   Kim Kardashian recently told Jimmy Fallon that while her house is really full, her fourth child will be a game changer because she’s heard that “parents of four are the most enlightened and calm of all parents.” Now I hate to disagree, but I’m not quite convinced parents gain “enlightenment” simply by having more kids - otherwise, wouldn’t trailer parks be considered “beacons of enlightenment?”  Also, I have a feeling that being a Kardashian, her quest for “enlightenment” might take a bit longer than most. And gee, I don’t know if it's just me - but she sure doesn’t look pregnant.  Why if someone didn’t know better, they might assume that she simply paid someone to have her child.  Ah, who can blame her?  After all, you don’t wanna risk childbirth ruining your hot figure.  Besides, we all know it’s the thought that counts and besides - it’s a well-known fact that kids look really ...

Jenna Jameson Claims Keto Diet Gave Her Facelift:   After losing 80 pounds with the Keto diet, former adult film star and avid Trump supporter Jenna Jameson - is claiming that the popular diet not only helped her lose weight, but also turned back the clock and basically gave her a facelift.   Wow, that Keto diet must be amazing.  In addition to smoothing out her complexion, it also changed the shape of her nose, the thickness of her eyebrows, lowered her cheekbones and changed her eye color.  Now that’s one helluva diet!  And looking at her face, it kind of makes me wonder - is Botox part of the Keto diet?   Why, she looks almost good enough to be in one those porn movies.  Next thing you know, President Trump will be paying her a visit.  Now, in all fairness, I honestly don’t know a whole lot about the Keto diet or Ms. Jameson, but what I do know is that everybody looks better after you’ve had some “Jameson Whiskey.”  So come ...

Stormy Daniels’ Lawyer Avenatti Arrested for Domestic Violence:   TMZ is reporting that Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti has been arrested in Los Angeles on a felony domestic violence charge against his estranged wife Lisa Storie Avenatti, but she has issued a statement to NBC claiming that Avenatti has “never been violent with her.”  Wow, one way or the other, it sounds like this guy’s gonna need himself a pretty good lawyer.  I’m not sure about this, but I think Michael Cohen is available.  One thing’s for sure, if he does get convicted, I think it’s a pretty safe bet Donald Trump isn’t going to pardon him.    https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Scientists Spot Possible Giant Impact Crater Under Greenland Ice:   A team of scientists say they’ve spotted a huge 20-mile wide scar hidden below a melting ice sheet in Greenland - which they believe to be an impact crater from a giant iron meteorite.  Meanwhile, Trump officials expre...

Data Shows Pornhub Traffic Really Soared on Election Night:   New analysis indicates that visits to popular porn website Pornhub, spiked by as much as 50% across the nation on election night, especially in the Washington DC area.   Now pardon my cynicism, but what’s so unusual about that?  Isn’t it only natural that people would want to follow the erection results?  Personally, I don’t see a major problem here, just as long as they don’t let things get out of hand. That said, I’m sure information like this is gonna rub some folks the wrong way.  You know, etch a visual so strong into their minds - that they just won’t be able to shake it.  And while I feel rather sorry for these folks, it’s important to remember that it’s not all that easy to deny hard, empirical data. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Divorce Rates Higher When Men Do Household Chores:  A new study out of Norway found that divorce rates are far higher when men help with the housework and much lower when women do all the chores.  So guys, the next time your wife tells you to take out the trash - ask her if that means she wants a divorce.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com New Study Looks at Married Women and Sex:  A new study found that while most married women say they still value sex, two thirds say they would much rather be doing something else such as going to the spa, watching a movie, using Facebook or just chatting with friends.  Wait a minute - men enjoy all those activities also - just as long as they’re gonna lead up to sex. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Americans Throw Away a Pound of Food Every Day:  It’s been determined that Americans waste or throw out a pound of food a day on average.  Oh really - because with US obesity rates running upw...

Kanye West Surprises Kim Kardashian with New Neon Mercedes:   Social media is all abuzz after Kim Kardashian West proudly posted pictures on Instagram of her new neon green Mercedes G series SUW that husband Kanye West bought her - a vehicle she says couldn’t stop talking about since they rented the truck while in Miami.   And folks, its important to remember that many touching moments such as these may not have been possible had our President not worked so diligently to make sure his wealthy friends get to pay less taxes.  Now, of course - some may ask, “fine, you got yourself another new, super-expense car, but why flaunt it all over the internet?”  Why I bought a Mini Cooper a couple of years ago - and I don’t believe anyone really gave much of a crap - one way or the other.    But what most people don’t understand is how important it is for these folks to raise public awareness that they are capable of snagging themselves very expensive luxu...

Trump Appears to Think American Flag Has Blue Stripe:  While on a photo opp at the Nationwide Children's Hospital in Ohio, President Trump was spending some time sitting with the kids and coloring in American flags, when he apparently became confused and added a blue stripe to the his flag.  Now in all fairness, the Russian flag does has a blue strip, so its understandable he’d be a little confused.  What I don’t understand is - why he didn’t just have one of the secret service guys seize one of those punk kid’s flags and just copy off that? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com   Trump Tower Doorman Wins Right to Talk About Secret Trump Child:   A former Trump Tower doorman who says he was silenced by a catch-and-kill $30,000 contract with the National Enquirer, has won the right to discuss the rumor that Donald Trump may have secretly fathered an illegitimate child.  Good grief - speaking of the National Enquirer, that just reminded me of an o...

Zurich to Open Prostitution Drive-Throughs:  The Swiss city of Zurich has approved a measure that will open prostitution “drive-throughs” in the city, where customers can place their orders for one of 40 prostitutes and then have sex with them in a wooden booth.  Now I have no idea what they’re gonna call these “drive-throughs,” but I think “Jack in the Box” or “In-N-Out” seems to be a pretty good fit.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com   Top Cancer Scientist Loses Funding After Bullying Claims:   One of Britain’s leading genetic cancer scientists has had £3.5m in grant money revoked after allegations of bullying by 45 current and former colleagues.  In related news, rumor has it that officials are about to investigate bullying in Parkinson’s research also.  You can bet that has a lot of people shaking in their shoes. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Japan Urging Citizens to Stockpile Toilet Paper:  After recent disas...

Duke University Rules Student Porn Star Broke No Rules:  Duke University has ruled that a student who revealed she works as a porn actress in order to pay her fees has broken no rules.  Good decision - because when you think about it, what’s the difference whether you’re working at Walmart or doing porn to pay your tuition?  Either way - you’re still getting screwed!  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com UPS Driver Has Sex With Hooker in His Truck Who Posts Online:  A UPS driver who decided to spend his lunch break having sex with a prostitute in the back of his delivery truck will probably regret his decision after the hooker took pics with her cellphone and posted them online.  In his defense, the driver claimed he was just delivering his package.  After all, the UPS slogan is “remember to ask what brown can do for you.”  Talk about the postman cometh.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Study Finds More Americans U...

Charges Against Stormy Daniels Dropped After Ohio Arrest:   Charges against adult film actress Stormy Daniels have been dropped less than 24 hours after she was arrested in a strip club in Columbus - Ohio law prohibits anyone in a sexually oriented business from knowingly touching a patron or another employee who is not a member of their immediate family.  Gee, people in a sexually oriented business can only legally touch members of their immediate family?  Now I’m no legal expert, but that sounds like incest.  Talk about an “extended family!”  Meanwhile, Stormy Daniels’ fans are saying the Ohio vice squad - is not a very nice squad. http://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Neutrino That Struck Antarctica Traced to Galaxy 3.7B Light Years Away:   Astronomers are claiming that high-energy neutrinos that crashed into Earth in Antarctica, has been traced back to a galaxy that is some 3.7 billion light years away.  Wow, blaming a galaxy so far away s...

Man Sues CVS For Telling Wife About Viagra Prescription:   A New York man claims the actions of a chatty CVS employee who informed his wife about his Viagra prescription, caused his marriage to dissolve.  Let’s face it, some secrets are just very “hard” to keep.  How long did he think he could keep this up?  Me thinks he probably wasn't using the Viagra at home.  Guess you could say the pharmacist kind of BLUE his cover.  Now, if it were me, I would have blamed that damn Alexa for placing the order.    One thing’s for sure, incidents like this can put a pharmacy somewhere between a cock and a hard place.  That said, they still should have at least waited 4 hours before telling his wife.  Obviously, she knew something was up - now what could it be?  Anyway, she drove right home and said “Honey, I've got a boner to pick with you!”   So now it appears that the whole world knows.  From now on, its not gonna be...

Michael Cohen to Invoke the Fifth in Stormy Daniels Case:   Its being reported that Donald Trump’s longtime attorney Michael Cohen, plans to take the fifth in a lawsuit brought by adult entertainer Stormy Daniels. Well, well, well - seems Mr Trump’s has indeed hired all the best people.  My God, not even Al Capone’s lawyer took the fifth.  To be completely fair, I suppose if I were in Michael Cohen's shoes, I’d probably take the fifth too…either a fifth of Jack Daniel’s or a nice bottle of fine Kentucky bourbon to be specific.  But gee, didn’t the President repeatedly tell supporters that “only mobsters and criminals take the fifth?”  Guess I’ll have to side with the President on this one.  Next thing you know, Trump will be tweeting he barely knew this Michael Corleone guy.  Whoops, my mistake, I meant Michael Cohen. Anyway, the point is, this case is getting so out of control - with everything from Russian agents to shady financiers...

Germany Opens World's First All Sex Doll Brothel:   A bizarre sex-doll brothel named “Bordoll” has just opened in Germany, where patrons pay $101 per hour for a session and brothel management claims 70 percent of their patrons are repeat customers.  Good grief, sounds like even more jobs lost to robots.  On a positive note, if there’s a flood, these can probably also be used as a floatation device.  My only question is, does anyone know what the manufacturer’s recommended PSI for these dolls happens to be?  http://www.johnnyrobish.com Mice With Human Brains Created in New Study:   Scientists have succeeded in implanting human brain cells into mice pups, which resulted in the animals growing a brain that was both human and rodent which researchers hope may one-day help them better understand how the human brain develops as well as provide replacement parts.  Despite having human brains, the mice were still apparently unable to speak and rem...

Ugandan Dictator Wants to Outlaw Oral Sex:   In a recent speech, socially conservative evangelical leader and Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni indicated he wants to ban oral sex, reminding citizens that “the mouth is for eating.”  Of course, to make it all legal, Uganda will have to incorporate the proclamation into their penal code.  As it stands now - the prohibition isn’t written, its just oral.  Ironically, after reading this, a lot of people are gonna think that Uganda really sucks - and that would be a real blow to the country!  Of course, its always important to ingest all sides of the issue, so guess we’ll just have to wait for oral arguments to begin.  All I can say is, good luck trying to implement something like that in somewhere like Australia - I mean, the whole place is called “down under.”  Good grief, now that I think about it - this kind of makes me wonder if my last girlfriend could have been from Uganda?  Anyway, th...

Smithsonian Publishes Controversial Article on Jellyfish:  An article in Smithsonian Magazine claims that jellyfish are essentially a boneless, bloodless and brainless species whose mouth also doubles as their anus.  Now I have no idea what the Smithsonian has against jellyfish, but this is the kind of hurtful name-calling is not exactly what one would expect from a respected scientific journal and it needs to stop now. http://www.johnnyrobish.com Thousands Attend 2018 March For Science:   Thousands of protesters in 250 rallies around the world marched to advocate for science policies to be involved in policymaker’s everyday conversations.  Well, guess we don’t have to ask what the Kardashians did over the weekend.  Sadly, many others said they would have attended, but they didn’t feel there was strong enough evidence there was even gonna be a march. http://www.johnnyrobish.com Rental Car Agent Finds Body in Back Seat of Returned Car:...

Lost Amazon Villages Uncovered by Archaeologists:   Once people assumed the Amazon was a near-uninhabited rainforest, but researchers say they have found new evidence of 81 sites in previously uncharted territory, that prove it was in fact a hive of human activity and home to millions of people.  Researchers are quick to point out that while most of these Amazon villages appear to have once been thriving, most lacked the convenience of next-day Prime delivery our modern-day Amazon offers.  After all, you can’t really expect next-day delivery if you’re living in a “lost village.” http://www.johnnyrobish.com After Stormy - Many Wonder How Much Porn Stars Make:  With Donald Trump’s alleged payoff of porn star Stormy Daniels all over the news, many are left wondering just how much does a porn star really make?  Well, if my math is correct - she swatted Trump’s fat ass with a magazine a couple of times and then deposited a check for $130K into her bank a...

Trump Hires 22-Year-Old Disney Star to Work in White House Press Office:   CNN is reporting that 22-year-old Caroline Sunshine, best known for her work on the Disney Channel show “Shake It Up,” has just been hired to work in the White House press office.   You’re kidding - he’s hired someone named Caroline Sunshine?  Come on - is that supposed to be her real name or her stripper name?  Now wait a second, we’ve just gone from Stormy to Sunshine?  Don’t try and tell me climate change is a hoax!   On the other hand, I suppose hiring a Disney star makes sense when you consider the Trump Administration is basically a Mickey Mouse operation anyway.  Trump’s basically turned the White House into an amusement park.  And if one didn’t know better, one might conclude that Ms Sunshine got the job simply because she looks exactly like a younger version of favorite daughter Ivanka…oh wait! http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Stormy Daniels Offers to Pay the $130,000 Back to Trump:   As the Trump legal team threatens to sue to prevent her appearance on 60-Minutes from airing, adult film star Stormy Daniels has offered to pay Donald Trump back the $130,000 in “hush money” she claims his lawyer gave her in order to stop her from speaking freely about her affair with the president.  Gee, they’re threatening to sue her over a binding agreement that Trump claims never happened?  Looks like someone has him by the cojones?  She sure seems to have a “leg up” on him - so to speak.  She’s created the “perfect storm(y).”  And while I’m no financial advisor, if I were Trump - I think I’d consider taking that wade of cash and pay back some of those Russians he owes. http://www.johnnyrobish.com Putin Denies Russian Government Collusion in US Election:  Russian President Vladimir Putin has told NBC News correspondent Megyn Kelly that he "couldn't care less" if Russian citi...