You've Got to Be Kidding?

During a recent interview at the New York Times DealBook conference, a belligerent Elon Musk was asked about the growing advertiser exodus over antisemitism on his social media site “X.”   In response, Musk shocked the crowd when he told advertisers “he doesn’t want their money,” and then, in no uncertain terms, told them to “Go f--- yourself.”   Musk then added that if “X” does go bankrupt, the public will blame “censorious advertisers, not him or his actions.”   Musk then vowed not to bow to this blackmail from outside companies or critics. So, it seems a spoiled little rich kid of a bully runs into a wall at 100 mph - then blames the wall.  It must have been one of those “WOKE” walls.   Musk’s big mouth proves that you don’t have to be riding in one of his “driverless vehicles” to careen off a steep cliff.   Perhaps he and the Trump family could all get together and commiserate over how badly they’ve been treated.   After all, Elon Musk is all about...

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic.   Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what?  Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker.   Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.”  OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway?   I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...

Reacting to a Twitter post from Elon Musk who claimed Democrats violated the 1st Amendment by collaborating with big tech (Twitter), to remove tweets that featured pornographic photos of Hunter Biden during the 2020 election,” former President Donald Trump took to his Truth Social platform to demand that the United States Constitution be set aside and that he be reinstated as president.   Trump further claimed that "A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.   Our great 'Founders' did not want, and would not condone False & Fraudulent Elections!” Now, let me get this straight, Trump wants the US Constitution to be suspended - because Twitter refused to publish photos of “Hunter Biden's junk” during that last presidential election?  The thing is Elon, Democrats weren’t even in power in 2020 - Trump was, which would make it a bit difficult for them to violate the...

The Financial Times reports that Elon Musk personally called the chief executives of companies pulling advertising from Twitter to complain.   Media Matters released a report suggesting Twitter has now lost half of its top 100 advertisers.   Ad sales account for nearly 90% of Twitter's revenue.   In addition, there is also talk that Apple and Google may pull the “Twitter app” from their App Stores.   This inspired Musk to tweet “Apple has mostly stopped advertising on Twitter.   Do they hate free speech in America?”   Musk then followed up by tweeting “What’s going on here @tim_cook?” Wow, it seems Elon is going full “Space-Karen” on Apple, and is “demanding to speak to the manager.”  Now, is it just me, or does it seem like every time some MAGA jerk doesn't get their way or someone disagrees with them, it suddenly becomes a “free speech issue?”   But I can see Elon Musk’s point.  I mean, who could imagine a company that wouldn’t be thrilled...

Claiming “The people have spoken,” billionaire Elon Musk has reinstated former president Donald Trump’s Twitter account after he ran an unscientific poll of his Twitter followers, which found that slightly more respondents wanted Trump’s account restored than those who didn’t.   Trump’s Twitter account had been suspended over fears of violent incitement in the days after his supporters stormed the U.S. Capitol in riots that left five dead and hundreds injured. Wow, who knew Elon Musk makes his most important executive decisions by “mob rule?”  Wonder who conducted that poll for Musk, anyway - Vladimir Putin?  Now, just in case you didn't already hate Twitter, with this move, Musk is now transitioning Twitter - into what can only be described as “MAGA-QAnon Twitter!”  Crazy move, but hey…it’s your $44 billion, pal.  I’m guessing that the MyPillow guy will be the primary advertiser from this point on. That’s right, in essence - Elon Musk has just spent $44 bill...

A report has surfaced that billionaire Elon Musk exposed himself to a former SpaceX flight attendant while on his private jet.   The report claims Musk exposed himself to her and then offered to give her a horse in exchange for sexual favors.   The incident allegedly took place in a private cabin on the aircraft en route to London in 2016.   Musk rubbed the woman's leg and pleaded for a sexual massage, which she firmly declined.   The details of the offense were laid out in a signed declaration, with Musk’s aerospace company SpaceX paying out $250,000 in 2018 to settle her sexual misconduct allegations - with the hope it would all go away. So, let me get this straight.  We have a jackass, offering to buy a woman a horse ?  Gee, that’s a switch!  Of course, because it’s Elon Musk - you’re not getting the entire horse, you’re only getting the “horse's ass.”  All I can say is, let’s hope it wasn’t the horse I bet on in the Kentucky Derby.  The...

Much to the delight of MAGA conservatives and QAnon advocates everywhere, Twitter announced that Elon Musk has agreed to acquire the company for $44 billion, giving the world’s richest person command of a highly influential social media site that serves as a platform for political leaders, a sounding board for experts across industries, and an information hub for millions of everyday users.   Musk claims this is what is needed in order to “save free speech and democracy.” Absolutely!  Why, I can’t think of a better way to preserve free speech and democracy, than having an obscenely rich, narcissistic, American oligarch, stand watch over an endless deluge of unchecked misinformation, conspiracy theories, propaganda, and outright lies - all being fed to the masses through one of the world’s most prominent social media platforms.  Ladies and gentlemen behold - the next Donald Trump. Interestingly, Musk seems convinced it doesn’t really matter if someone inside a crowded t...

Elon Musk’s Neuralink Unveils Pigs with Computer Chips in Their Brains:   Tesla and SpaceX founder Elon Musk has just showcased pigs with computer chips in their brains during his unveiling of Neuralink , an upcoming technology aiming to bring symbiosis between artificial intelligence and the human brain, which Musk hopes will help fight medical conditions such as memory loss, blindness and paralysis. Of course, some folks are now warning that devices such as these, could lead us all down a slippery slope - but, the pigs have been defending their participation in the study, pointing out that all they’re really trying to do - is bring home the bacon, without actually becoming bacon. Who knows, maybe one day soon, you’ll see these porkers driving around town in brand new Teslas.  That said, you can bet the minute they start implanting these devices into humans, some folks will go into existential crisis, every time Neuralink issues a new hardware or software update.   ...

Meat Industry Trying to Axe the Word Meat From Meat Substitutes:   Meat industry lobbyists across the country are attempting to get politicians to outlaw the use of the word “meat” on the labels of products that are actually “meat substitutes.”  Yea, well my take on this is - if Fox News can still label itself as “news,” then why shouldn’t veggie burgers be able to label themselves as a kind of “meat?” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com  Evidence of First British Beer Brewed Found in Cambridgeshire:   Evidence of the first beer believed to have been brewed in the UK, dating back more than 2,000 years, has been uncovered by road workers.  Archeologists say they were immediately able to determine the beer’s age by the “best if used by 217 BC” stamp on it.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Elon Musk ’s Tesla Roadster Has Now Traveled 226 million Miles:   It’s now been 12 months since Elon Musk shot his personal Tesla Roadster i...

Elon Musk and SpaceX Reveal First Private Moon Tourist:   SpaceX has just announced that Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa will be the world’s first private passenger to fly around the Moon, paying an estimated $35 million to travel aboard a BFR launch vehicle in 2023 - which SpaceX feels will mark an important step toward enabling access for “everyday people” who dream of traveling into space.  Gee, I don’t wanna sound cynical, but I think the economy may have to pick up quite a bit before very many “everyday people” will be able slam together the $35 million to make that flight.  Hell, I’d be happy just to be able to afford gas to drive down to San Diego once in a while. On a positive note, at least these tourist flights won’t disturb anyone living on the moon, because - as far as I know, there’s only one permanent resident up there - and that’s of course the “Man on the Moon.”  No telling how he feels about all this.   And while I’m no rocke...

Astronomers Confirm Key Einstein Theory of General Relativity:   A consortium of astronomers said they had for the first time confirmed a prediction of Albert Einstein’s theory of general relativity by observing the gravitational effects of a supermassive black hole on a star zipping by it.  Now that’s just one of Einstein’s many brilliant observations.  If you ask me, his most profound observation was when he demonstrated beyond any doubt how time always flies by faster - on the weekends. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Elon Musk Shares Stunning Boring Company Tunnel Image:   Following a Hyperloop Event, Elon Musk shared an impressive picture of a 2.7 mile tunnel his The Boring Company is digging as the test bed for some of the company’s larger projects.  Good grief, who wants to look at a photograph of a damn tunnel?  BORING!  I mean, why would he assume anyone would find some hole in the ground even remotely interesting?  Can yo...

Trump Asks Why Obama Didn’t Do Something About Russia:   President Trump reacted to the indictment of 12 Russian military officers “for conspiring to interfere with the 2016 presidential election” by blaming former President Obama and the “deep state” and asking “why didn’t Obama do something?”  Interesting comment - given that Obama imposed sanctions on Russia in December 2016 for election meddling and expelled 35 Russian diplomats.  Is it just me, or shouldn’t the real question be, why the hell doesn't Trump do something NOW?  That said, I suppose as long as Trump and Putin don’t decide to go shirtless horseback riding together during their upcoming meeting, we’re all gonna be that much farther ahead for it. http://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Ghostly Particles Give Scientists New Understanding of Universe:  A breakthrough in the study of ghostly particles, called high-energy neutrinos - that traverse space, zipping unimpeded through people, pl...

Study Explores Whether Eating Alone is Bad for You:  While many people enjoy eating alone, recent headlines have linked it to everything from depression to heart disease, but a recent study by Oxford Economics suggested that eating alone has a stronger link to being unhappy than any other factor.  Now whenever I don’t feel like eating alone, one of my favorite things to do is grab my food and eat it in the park.  There always seems to be plenty of eager flies around who are more than willing to keep you company. http://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com TN School Board Candidate Blames Teaching Evolution for School Shootings:   Republican Tennessee School Board Candidate Mike Cochran thinks he has a pretty good idea what is to blame for the school shootings that have been plaguing our nation - the teaching of evolution in our schools.  He makes a good point, obviously no violent acts were ever committed until Charles Darwin published the Origin of the Speci...

Japanese Space Explorer Arrives at Asteroid Ryugu:   An unmanned Japanese space explorer has finally arrived at asteroid Ryugu on a journey to collect soil samples and then return back to Earth after traveling nearly four years and 170 million miles - just to get there.   OK - fine, but what I wanna know is - how is it that this spacecraft is able to send a picture-perfect signal back to Earth from over 170 million miles away, yet Spectrum can’t seem to keep a halfway decent connection to my damn TV set - even with a fiber-optic cable attached?   Anyway, my only hope is that this mission isn’t intercepted by a massive, gigantic, intergalactic, fire-breathing lizard who forcibly hijacks the probe - rides it all the way back to Japan, and then sets out to completely destroy Tokyo.  Have any of these rocket science geniuses ever thought about that?  I seriously doubt it!  http://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity:   Researchers say that while so-called super-earths may be the most likely class of exoplanets to support life, the gravity on them would be so powerful, it would make it very unlikely any beings on them would even be able to leave their planet.   Either that, or they’re a civilization of Trump supporters - and they believe their super-earth is flat and the sky above then is totally fake.  From that point of view, what would be the point of trying to leave?  Or perhaps these beings reside on an exoplanet planet made almost entirely of Velveeta cheese - and their alien civilization has become so addicted to grilled cheese sandwiches, they can’t bare to leave.  As you can see, there’s so many possible answers here.  That said, one thing most scientists do agree upon is that the gravity on these super exoplanets planets would be so profound, it would be nearly impossible for any aliens livin...

Bannon Tells French Far Right You’re on Right Side of History:  Steve Bannon told members of the French National Front, a far right-wing political party that has been labeled neo-fascist, that "they are on the right side of history” and should consider someone calling them “racist” as a badge of honor.   Sure, being called a racist is really something to be proud of - assuming you’re a psychopath.  And no Steve, they’re not on the “right side of history,” they’re actually on the “Reich side of history.”  And to think I just assumed all ideas like Bannon is proposing were settled at Nuremberg.  So next time you hear Bannon complaining on Fox about all the RINO’s (Republican in Name Only) in the GOP, it might be worthwhile to remember that anyone who tells people to wear the term “racist as a badge of honor,” is what I would consider a HINO (Human In Name Only). http://www.johnnyrobish.com   Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli Sheds Tears at Sentencing: ...

Trump Proposes Cutting 248 Meteorologists from Tornado Alley:   President Trump is proposing gutting the National Weather Service in an area of the country that depends on forecasters and meteorologists to protect them from extreme weather events such as tornados.  On a positive note, the President promised that should a horrific storm manage to sneak up on them without warning - rendering massive devastation and death to the area, he’ll ask the rest of the country to send lots of “thoughts and prayers” their way. http://www.johnnyrobish.com   Study Finds Milky Way Galaxy Will Not Be Eaten By Andromeda:   Scientists say new research is showing that our own Milky Way galaxy will not be eaten by our closest neighbor galaxy Andromeda as was previously thought.  A NASA spokesperson said our tests indicate the Andromeda galaxy is most likely lactose intolerant, so consuming a Milky Way galaxy would not be a smart food choice for our neighbor Andromeda. ...

Man’s Rectum Falls Out While Sitting on Toilet:  Doctors in China say a man had been sitting on the toilet for half an hour playing mobile phone games when his rectum fell out of his body .  Doctors caution that while they expect the man to make a full recovery, this is another example of how people can really end up losing their ass - if all they do is just sit around, playing video games all day. http://www.johnnyrobish.com NASA Spacecraft Takes Photos From 4 Billion Miles Away:   The NASA New Horizons spacecraft, which gave us close-ups of Pluto, has just set the record by taking a photograph of a star cluster while 3.79 billion miles from Earth - the farthest photograph ever taken.  Lead Trump science advisor and televangelist Jim Bakker says he has his doubts the picture is authentic and claims the image more like the right-front headlight of a 1954 DeSoto to him. http://www.johnnyrobish.com Neighbors Say Serial Killer Did Landscaping a...

Quincy Jones Claims Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando Were Lovers:   In a recent interview with New York Magazine, famed music producer Quincy Jones claimed that Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando were lovers back in the 70’s and that Brando would screw just about anything, including a mailbox.  Well, perhaps its a good thing he’s dead then, because I’d hate to have to try and find a condom that’ll fit over my mailbox.  http://www.johnnyrobish.com Tesla Announces Largest Quarterly Loss Ever:   Tech pioneer Elon Musk’s Tesla electric car and energy storage company has announced huge losses of $675.4m in the three months ending December 31st.  Not to be critical, but perhaps if they’d consider selling the cars instead of launching them into space - the bottom line might look a little better. http://www.johnnyrobish.com Solo Rock Stars at Greater Risk to Die Early:  A new study found that solo rock stars are four times more likely to die y...