You've Got to Be Kidding?

States Say Trump Administration is Reducing Vaccine Shipments:   Officials in multiple states say they were alerted late Wednesday that their second shipments of Pfizer’s vaccine had been drastically cut, sparking widespread confusion and conflicting statements from both Pfizer and federal officials about who is at fault, with the Trump Administration claiming Pfizer is having production difficulties, and Pfizer countering that they are having no production issues at all - and have many millions of doses immediately available, above and beyond what is already being distributed. Of course, before we pass judgment here, we all know that there are always two sides to every story.  That said, you can be pretty damn sure that the Trump side - will consist primarily of complete nonsense, sprinkled on top of a heaping mound of total and utter bull sh*t.  Just consider what a funny world we’re living in these days.  A world where a damn pharmaceutical giant is now perha...

Michigan Pastor Tells Parishioners to Deliberately Get Covid-19:  Michigan pastor Bart Spencer of the Lighthouse Baptist Church, is facing a major backlash following a sermon he recently gave, in which he told his congregation to deliberately contract COVID-19 to “get it over with.”  He then added that "Some of you may die, but that's a risk I'm willing to take." Oh yeah, right!  In fact, this reminds me of the time when Jesus saw the leper lying helplessly by the side of the road and, instead of healing him - told everyone in the crowd that they should try and get leprosy also - just to “get it over with.”   You know, it’s kind of funny too because - I always assumed that Christians were supposed to help those in need, not kill them.  But - like it or not, it’s apparently all right there in the Bible.  No, not the King James version, but the “Trump Bible.”   And, if you act quickly, you can pick up a special edition of the new “Trump Bible,” which ...

Tennessee Mayor Rejects Mask Mandate Until God Gives Him the OK:   Despite coronavirus numbers going through the roof in the area, Mayor Bill Newman of Lincoln County, Tennessee, says he will not approve of any kind of face mask mandate - unless God instructs him to do so. Well, for “heaven’s” sake!  Why doesn’t someone from Lincoln County, who hasn’t completely lost all their marbles to meth or OxyContin, simply head over to the Hallmark Store, pick up a religiously-themed card, scribble “Damn it - Wear a Mask!” on the inside, then sign it “GOD” - and mail it off to this moron? As for Mayor Newman waiting on God to send him a “sign” to wear face masks, I’m guessing that means Newman doesn’t consider over a quarter million deaths - to be quite enough “sign” for his tastes.  One thing’s for certain, God’s sure gonna have to step up his game a bit, if he wants to make an impression on this crowd. Now, to be completely honest, I’ve personally never quite understood all...

Trump Claims the Medical Deep State Sabotaged His Election:   President Trump reportedly flew into a rage, lashing out at his own Food and Drug Administration following an announcement six days after the election, that an experimental coronavirus vaccine from pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is more than 90% effective, claiming this proves the “medical deep state” deliberately tried to sabotage his electoral prospects by delaying the results till after the election. I can see the President’s point here.  After all, everyone knows the pharmaceutical industry has always been a seething, hotbed of left-wing, socialist debauchery.  Gee, I wonder if this is the same “medical deep state” that saved his ass when he got Covid-19 a month or so ago?  I guess it’s time for Rudy to hold another press conference at Pfizer Total Landscaping, and get to the bottom of this mess. The funny thing is, you’d assume a President would be applauding the fact we may finally have a vaccine tha...

Trump Says Public Tired of the Pandemic and Fauci’s Public Health Restrictions:   In a call with his campaign staff Monday, President Trump dismissed precautions designed to prevent the spread of Covid-19, arguing that people are getting sick and tired of all this focus on the pandemic, describing Dr. Fauci as a “disaster” and adding that “People are tired of listening to Fauci and these idiots.” Well, people may indeed be tired of hearing about the coronavirus, but I’d much rather be tired of “hearing” about the virus, than be dead from it.  The problem with that line of thinking is - the coronavirus is not quite tired of people yet.  I mean, I’m sick and tired of going to dentists too, but that doesn’t mean if I get a toothache, I’m gonna instead seek out Kellyanne Conway’s help on the matter. And, what the hell’s with this attack on Dr. Fauci?  I mean, calling Dr. Fauci a “disaster” and an “idiot?”  Kinda makes you wonder, who’s gonna be next on his hit ...

Trump Campaign Advisors Defend Not Using COVID-19 Precautions:   Two Trump campaign advisers were busy defending the President’s approach to the coronavirus on Sunday’s political talk show circuit, by mocking Democratic rival Joe Biden’s decision to wear a face mask - taking this stance, even though the President has been diagnosed with the coronavirus. Of course, given the fact that Trump is against both government healthcare and paying taxes, some might be interested in knowing just how much Trump’s decision to politicize face masks is now gonna cost American taxpayers.  The answer is, we don’t really know yet, but you can bet it’s gonna be a wee bit more than the $750 Trump contributed in taxes last year.    But, gee whiz - to think the Trump campaign is still mocking out wearing face masks at this stage of the game?  I mean, we’re now just short of 215,000 deaths.  Good grief, forget MAGA - it sounds like Trump’s new campaign slogan ought ...

President Trump Sent to Walter Reed Following Covid Diagnosis:  President Trump arrived at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Friday evening, for a visit White House officials are describing as simply “precautionary.”   This, after both he and his wife Melania were diagnosed with the coronavirus. Well then, all I can say is, thank goodness this Covid-19 thing is “just like the flu,” and “it'll be gone by Easter,” since "We've rounded the final turn.”  I mean, it’s not like it’s a global pandemic or something serious - after all. Meanwhile, some are complaining that the President’s insistence upon not wearing masks, means he could have spread the virus to others, including his own wife.  And, while that may be true, let’s put this in perspective folks.  After all, I’m sure Melania’s certainly not the first woman who’s ever been given a disease by Donald Trump. Of course, no one ever wants to see someone stricken with such a serious illness, an...

Finland Deploying Coronavirus-Sniffing Dogs at Helsinki Airport:   Finland is in the process of launching a “coronavirus-sniffing-dog pilot program” at Helsinki Airport, hoping the dogs will eventually be playing a major role in screening for COVID-19, with the added benefit that results will be delivered within 10 seconds.  Now, when they say they’re implementing a “coronavirus-sniffing dog pilot program,” does that mean both the dogs and the pilots are gonna be sniffing us?  Because if it does, I certainly hope we get a choice about who’s gonna be doing the sniffing.  After all, how the hell you supposed to bribe a pilot with a Milkbone Dog Biscuit?  Even so, I do have to admit, this is a rather brilliant idea!  I mean, dog’s work cheap, and you get instant “Lab results.”  Of course, results aren’t always gonna be 100% accurate.  For example, my neighbor’s chocolate Lab seems to be convinced that I have the coronavirus in my crotch. A...

Trump Portrayed as Lifesaving Coronavirus Hero at Republican Convention:   At the Republican National Convention, President Trump was hailed as a bold and lifesaving leader, who who stood up to the virus, while Democrats, doctors and pundits got it all wrong from the beginning, downplaying the severity of the virus.   Great point Republicans!  And, let us not forget that Donald Trump was also the courageous hero, who led us to victory in Vietnam.  I mean, if you listen to the Democrats long enough, you’ll walk away thinking that while Americans soldiers were dying on the battlefield, draft dodger Donald Trump - was busy cheating his way through college and getting setup in business by his rich daddy.   Besides, senior Republican officials have already declared the coronavirus loss of life figures as - “acceptable.”  That means it’s time to move on folks!  So, let us all join the Reverend Jerry Falwell Jr., Jim Bakker and other white evangelicals, ...

President Brings in New Doctor to Advise Him on COVID-19 Response:   As tensions grow between the President and Doctors Fauci and Birx, President Trump announced that he’s decided to bring in Fox News Channel’s Dr. Scott Atlas to advise him on the Covid-19 pandemic, even though Dr. Atlas has no expertise in either public health or infectious diseases. So, as we all knew it would, our pandemic response has basically come down to a “calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard” situation.  Of course, and in all fairness, the President really had no choice in selecting Dr. Atlas, given that Dr Mengele has been dead for so long now. Meanwhile, Trump justified his decision to appoint someone with no infectious disease qualifications, by pointing out that Dr. Atlas is "a very famous man” and “he thinks what we’ve done is really good.” Well, that certainly makes good sense, but damn - it also reminds me of what a golden opportunity I missed to get some solid Covid-19 advice from my p...

Trump Admits Blocking Postal Service Funding to Prevent Mail-In Voting:  President Trump admitted Thursday that he’s been blocking U.S. Postal Service funding because Democrats seek to expand mail-in voting during the coronavirus pandemic, making it crystal clear why he’s declined to approve $25 billion needed in emergency aid for the cash-strapped agency. Good grief, am I hearing things, or did Trump just say what’s supposed to be the “quiet part,” right out loud?”  Why, even Bond villains know not to do that.  Come on, voter suppression is a federal crime.  Of course, I suppose committing a federal crime isn’t really a big deal - when you control the courts, the DOJ, and the US Senate.    But, even if they did decide to bring charges, Trump is so completely insane - I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to become a federal witness and offer to testify against himself - hoping to get into a federal “Witness Protection Program. Ironically, Trump’s been c...

Fox News Host Shocked To Learn Children Can Also Get COVID-19:   Referring to a new report which found that in last two weeks of July, more than 97,000 children tested positive for the coronavirus,” an astonished Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt remarked ”that was such a shock to me, because I had heard kids really don’t get it.” No, Ms. Earhardt - I pretty sure it’s you and not the children who “really don’t get it.”  Now, in all fairness, it’s really not her fault.  After all, being well-informed is not exactly a job requirement for hosting a show over at Fox News.  On the other hand, being blonde is - and, she’s certainly well-qualified on that count. Now, as to what she should do about finding herself to be totally ignorant about coronavirus facts like “children can also get the coronavirus,” about the only thing I can think to suggest to her is…“stop watching FOX News!” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Biden Is Against God and Will Hurt the Bible:   President Trump is claiming that presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee and practicing Catholic Joe Biden, is "against God" and will “hurt the Bible,” adding that Biden will also "take away your guns, take away your Second Amendment,” so there’ll be “no religion, no anything.” Now, when the President claims that Biden is gonna hurt God, it’s important to remind Trump supporters that Donald Trump isn’t really God.  He just wants to be. Like that interview the other day - when they asked him about the rising Covid-19 death toll, and all Trump could say was “well, it is what it is.”  Good point!  Kind of reminds me of that time Jesus walked into a leper colony and said “well, it is what it is.”  I’m tellin’ ya, the parallels here, are downright eerie. Folks, if you ask me, it all boils down to that age-old question, “why did the big chicken cross the road?”  Of course, those who keep u...

Twitter Bans Trump Account Over Coronavirus Misinformation:   Facebook and Twitter have taken the extraordinary step of banning President Trump’s campaign account, for spreading lies and misinformation about the coronavirus, because of a video that was posted where the President claims “children can’t get the coronavirus, and if they do, it isn’t that bad.” Well then, if that’s the case, I suppose it’s time to enroll young Barron Trump into one of those Covid-19 schools.  Especially since 100 Mississippi students just had to be quarantined after their classmates tested positive for COVID-19, shortly after the school had reopened. Meanwhile, angry conservatives are arguing that, if you start banning President Trump every time he lies about something in a social media post, you’re basically preventing him from posting - which is pure censorship. Personally, I don’t think it’s necessary to actually ban the President or his accounts.  All you have to do is simply atta...

Dr. Birx Says U.S. Has Entered a ‘New Phase’ of the Pandemic:  Trump enabler and apologist Dr. Deborah Birx, the physician overseeing the White House coronavirus response, finally got the nerve Sunday to warn that the United States has entered a “new phase” of the pandemic and urged people to take extreme health precautions as infections and deaths are rising dramatically nationwide. Gee, a new phase?  How can this be a new phase?  I mean, Trump still gets to play plenty of golf.  OK, sooooo - what’s this new phase gonna be called, anyway?  The “goodbye grandma, grandpa and school children phase?”  Why, it’s almost as if this term they’re using “new phase,” is nothing more than a polite way of saying “this has really turned out to be a frigg’in disaster!”     Now, to be completely fair, I think Dr. Birx must simply have a different definition of the term “new phase.”  To me, a “new phase” would mean Dr. Birx has finally decided sh...

Trump Sycophantic Jim Jordan Attacks Fauci Over BLM Protests:   During Friday’s House coronavirus hearings, hard line Trump ally Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), came right after Anthony Fauci with a series of extremely combative questions, such as whether he thinks the government should limit protests to help slow the spread of the coronavirus. Jordon further confronted Fauci, claiming that support for “Black Lives Matter” protests is "encouraging riots.”  Well then, no wonder Rep. Jordon is mad as hell.  After all, "encouraging riots” is supposed to be Donald Trump’s job - and we all know how hard it is to find good jobs these days. Now, I know Jordon’s critics are gonna claim Donald Trump has been holding large, crammed rallies, where hardly anyone wears masks - but, if you watched Fox News, you’d know that "no one’s ever contracted the coronavirus by attending a Trump rally.”   Well, of course, there’s Herman Cain - but let’s get real.  If Republica...

Trump Returns to Do White House Coronavirus Briefings Solo:  Three months after he abandoned the daily virus briefings and attempted to turn the country’s attention to what he described as the “great American comeback,” President Trump took the lectern in the White House briefing room alone on Tuesday, free to say whatever he wanted without any distractions from the usual bunch “sciencey nerds” behind him. And, in a rare moment of candor, Trump reluctantly admitted that the spread of the coronavirus will likely get worse before it gets better, and that people should probably wear masks.  Well said Mr President!  The fact is, most of us are already rather optimistic things will begin to get better - sometime after November 3rd. Ironically, now that Trump is finally admitting the virus is spreading fast and that people should wear masks, you’d think most of those armed militia thugs, whom Trump egged on to to out and “liberate” those Democratic run states from t...

Trump Wants to Block New Money for Testing, Tracing and the CDC:   People involved in those talks, report that the Trump Administration is attempting to block billions of dollars for states to conduct testing, contact tracing and funding for the CDC - in the upcoming coronavirus relief bill. Beautiful!  Only Donald Trump could manage to propose a coronavirus “relief bill,” that offers "no relief.”  But, I do see his point.  As any good Republican will tell you, the only way to get rid of this virus, is by passing another “tax cut for the wealthy.   Frankly, at this point, I think we’d all be better off - if they just decided to use an Ouija Board to make federal policy decisions, but I suspect even the spirit world wouldn’t wanna be associated with any of the shenanigans this Administration’s concocting.   Anyway, after they implement all those budget cuts, I guess we can always take Trump’s earlier advice and try drinking bleach.  Now,...

Trump Sidelines Fauci Over His Blunt Talk About the Pandemic:   As the Trump administration strays more and more from the advice of its scientists and public health experts, the White House has moved to sideline the scientist and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Dr Anthony S. Fauci, who hasn’t briefed Trump in over a month and who is no longer included in any Covid-19 press briefings. Well, no surprise there.  Hell, about the only time any Republicans have ever done anything that even remotely resembles social distancing, was way back when Clint Eastwood was talking to that empty chair during that completely insane 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa . So, here we are, right in the middle of a deadly pandemic - and Trump decides he no longer needs to meet with infectious disease experts?  Now, you can say what you want about Fauci and Trump, but my guess is - at least Anthony Fauci was smart enough to take his own ...

Don Jr's Girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle Tests Positive for Coronavirus:   It’s been announced that Kimberly Guilfoyle, the 51-year-old former Fox News television personality and current girlfriend of Donald Trump Jr, who had traveled to South Dakota for the President’s Mount Rushmore Fourth of July speech, has tested positive for coronavirus. Well, I gotta be honest and admit that I just don’t get it.  I mean, you’d think that after having worked at Fox for all those years, she’d already have built-up an immunity to just about every disease known to humanity by now.  Guess she just hasn’t been drinking enough bleach.  Oh well, even though she may be COVID-19 positive, she’s still considered IQ negative. Meanwhile, shortly afterward - Don Jr announced he will also be self-isolating.  On a positive note, at least now we know he won’t be shooting any exotic, endangered animals for the next two weeks.  And, the President is likely safe too, given t...