You've Got to Be Kidding?

Seat to Fly Into Space with Jeff Bezos Auctions Off for $28 Million:   A seat to fly next to Jeff Bezos and his brother in Blue Origin’s very first human spaceflight, has been auctioned off to an unidentified bidder for $28 million.   Blue Origin will fly its “New Shepard” space capsule to an altitude of nearly 65 miles, where passengers can then unbuckle from their seats and experience about four minutes of weightlessness during their eleven-minute suborbital flight. Wow, $28 million for an eleven-minute suborbital flight?  Gee, I wonder if that’s for economy or business class seats?  Why, Jeff Bezos has really put together one helluva “billionaire carnival ride” if you ask me.  And, how comforting for average Americans living paycheck to paycheck, to realize that our tax-dodging billionaires will now - not only be looking down on them from the balconies of their fancy penthouses, but also from outer space!   Truth is, these modern-day robber barons are...

Jeff Bezos and Brother to Be Aboard First Blue Origin Spaceflight:   CNN reports that Jeff Bezos, his brother, along with the winner of a month-long auction, will be flying into space on the first crewed flight of the “New Shepard,” the rocket ship made by his space company Blue Origin .   The flight is scheduled for July 20th, just 15 days after he is set to step down as CEO of Amazon. Wow!  Now, that’s got to be just about the best “mid-life crisis bucket list adventure” ever!  I hope he’s not depending on Alexa for directions.  I guess it was either head up to space, or take the damn yacht down to Barbados yet another time.  And, to show what a regular guy he is - Bezos says he’ll be flying coach on this flight.  That said, I’d be more than happy to hold onto his wallet until he gets back - should he need someone for the job. Of course, the truth be known, Bezos’ Blue Origin doesn’t really go high enough or fast enough to actually orbit in spac...

Mysterious Swarms of 6-Foot Drones Causing Anxiety in Colorado:   Mysterious nighttime visitations from of huge swarms of 6-foot drones that appear to be running very deliberate search patterns and to which the US Army and the Air Force deny belongs to them - are leaving residents of northeastern Colorado confused and a bit frightened. Now my first guess is, Amazon’s prime services were prevented from completing their one-day delivery promise because of what turned out to be a bogus street address - so a pissed off Jeff Bezos sent out the Amazon Air Force to investigate just what the hell’s going on.  Meanwhile, local authorities tried to calm residents fears, by pointing out that the drones “don’t seem to appear threatening.”   Really?  Well then, just what exactly would these drones need to do before authorities feel they “appear threatening?”  Wear leather jackets with gold wallet chains, smoke unfiltered Camel cigarettes, shout insults and obscen...

MacKenzie Bezos to Donate Half of Her Fortune to Charity:   After her divorce with Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, MacKenzie Bezos announced that she will donate at least half of her nearly $37 billion divorce settlement to “charity." Wow, what a development!  And in related news, the White House just issued a statement, vehemently denying that the President is looking into the possibility of legally changing his name from “Trump" to “Charity.”    Now, while this certainly appears to be a nice gesture on her part, it always strikes me as rather bizarre when insanely wealthy people like the Bezos or Walton families make these charitable donations.   Especially, when you consider how many of their employees are forced to apply for food stamps, Medicare and Section 8 housing - just to survive.  Is it just me, or does it seem like millions and millions of dollars get donated to charity every year, yet nothing ever seems to change? That said, on the o...

Fox & Friends Shower Trump With Praise for Losing $1 Billion:   The day after it was reported in the New York Times that Donald Trump lost over a billion dollars in a ten-year period, the hosts over at Fox & Friends spent their entire morning heaping praise on the President and his keen business savvy, with co-host Brian Kilmeade even adding “that is, if you consider a billion dollars a lot of money.”  Call me crazy, but only Donald Trump could " achieve " a billion dollar loss - and then get complimented for it.  Funny, but I don’t seem to remember Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett or Jeff Bezos ever losing over a billion dollars in a decade.   Of course, in all fairness - I suppose losing a billion dollars would sound like a huge success to your average Trump supporter, who’s been struggling for the past ten years to finally pass that GED test.   But, in some regard, I suppose they’re right.  Trump does appear to have a unique...

Amazon Set to Launch New Low-Price Grocery Store Chain:   Amazon is reportedly planning to launch a new grocery store chain, which could present a major threat to chains such as Walmart, Kroger and Aldi?   What the hell?  I mean, after buying the insanely-priced “Whole Foods,” now Amazon decides they’re going to open a low-priced grocery chain?  What on earth are they gonna call this one - "Half Foods?” Call me clairvoyant, but I can see a future headline - “Amazon buys Kroger and Aldi.”  By the way, I know this is the Trump era, but does this nation even have anti-trust laws anymore?  Oh, just kidding - why the truth be known, I simply can’t wait till all the local grocery stores are owned by a gigantic, trillion dollar conglomerate! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Jeff Bezos Hits the Town with Mystery Woman for Oscars After-Parties:   Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos was seen Sunday arriving at the iconic Chateau Marmont for Jay Z’s Oscar party, accompanied by an unidentified attractive woman.  News agencies later identified the mystery girl as someone who is only known publicly by the name - “Alexa.”  The conversation reportedly went something like this “so, nice to meet you Jeff.  And what do you do for a living?” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com   Pat Robertson Claims Gays Want Weird Way of Doing Sex Legitimized:   Pat Robertson continued his agenda of hate as he told his The 700 Club viewers that all of society is on the verge of being destroyed - all because the “gay agenda” is trying to make sure “their weird way of doing sex is legitimized.”  And sadly, it appears that about the only way to prevent a bigot like him from spreading more lies, would be to travel to all the nursing homes across...

Jeff Bezos Claims National Enquirer Trying to Blackmail Him:   In a blogpost on Medium, Amazon chief Jeff Bezos made a most atypical public disclosure - alleging that National Enquirer chief executive and longtime Trump friend David Pecker, is threatening to publish embarrassing nude photos if Bezos didn’t stop his own private investigator Gavin de Becker’s investigation of Pecker’s company. So if I’m understanding all this correctly, a guy named David Pecker is threatening to publish pictures of Jeff Bezos’ pecker if he doesn’t stop an investigation by a private dick named de Becker?  Can this be real?  Gee, sounds like that Pecker must be a real prick!  Now my question is, just who is the National Enquirer really threatening anyhow - Jeff Bezos or the rest of us?  I mean, who the hell wants to see Jeff Bezos in the nude?  That said, I’m sure there must be some people who would and Amazon is promising they will deliver them by Saturday if you ...

Jeff Bezos Reportedly Dating Former News Anchor Lauren Sanchez:   Hours after announcing that he and his wife of 25 years MacKenzie planned to divorce, it’s been reported that Amazon billionaire CEO Jeff Bezos has moved on and is seeing former news anchor Lauren Sanchez.  Wow, same-day new girlfriend delivery?  That Amazon Prime is really turning into a helluva service. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Trump Walks Out of Shutdown Meeting After Dems Say No Wall Money:   Talks between President Trump and congressional Democrats aimed at ending the partial government shutdown collapsed in acrimony and disarray, with the president walking out of the White House meeting and calling it “a total waste of time” after Democrats rejected his demand for border-wall funding.  Afterward, the Republicans claimed they’re fully willing to negotiate - they’ve agreed to call the “wall” a “barrier.”  Now that's what I call a willingness to compromise.  On ...