You've Got to Be Kidding?

CNN is reporting that according to a new study, fish off the coast of Florida have tested positive for a cocktail of pharmaceutical drugs, including blood pressure medications and anti-depressants.   In fact, the study found that each of the 93 fish it tested, had an average of seven drugs in their system. Gee, Florida fish are on blood pressure meds and antidepressants?  Who knew the fish were depressed?  Well, can’t say as I blame them.  After all, they’re living in Florida.  So, forget “Florida Man,” because we now have “Florida Fish!”  Florida Republicans, on the other hand, say this is really nothing anyone needs to be concerned about, just as long as these fish aren’t being taught “Critical Race Theory.”  Naturally, this report has environmentalists pleading “For the love of Cod, something needs to be done about this!”  In response, the Governor signed his “No Pills for Gills” executive order and told Floridians not to worry, because "We're gonna build a great big, be

In a recent video, US Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga) took to the podium to warn that “the government and Bill Gates want total surveillance on every part of your life, like if you're eating a cheeseburger, which is very bad because Bill Gates wants you to eat fake meat that grows in a peach tree dish .”   Greene adds that “you'll probably get a little zap inside your body and that's saying, ‘No, no. Don't eat a real cheeseburger!’   You need to eat the fake, the fake burger, the fake meat from Bill Gates." Wow, talk about “The Great Replacement Theory!”  Who knew it also included burgers?  Seems like it was just yesterday when Greene was the only one brave enough to warn us that Biden would try and force everyone to drink “plant-based beer” - and now this.  My guess is all this will be enforced by those sinister Biden “Gazpacho Police” that Greene exposed late last year. Now, is it just me, or is it completely insane that we are living in a world

Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado traveled to Wyoming to campaign for pro-Trump candidate Harriet Hageman, who is challenging fellow Republican Rep. Liz Cheney in the GOP primary for the state's at-large seat in Congress.  Boebert told the crowd "I want to tell you a story about his generosity," referring to Trump, who’s become the “primary topic” in the election.  Boebert then told a tale about how "My family and I were with President Trump, and even not liking germs, Trump shared a bowl of popcorn with my 14-year-old son.  Now listen Wyoming, I know where he's been, I don't share food with my son.”  The mother of four then added that sharing popcorn with her son demonstrated Trump’s “love and respect” for all people. And, your son may now have the herpes virus to share also.  Now, just because you know where your son’s hands have been, do you know where Trump’s hands have been?  But sure, Trump’s such a generous soul.  Why a guy like that would e

Only three days after a gunman in Uvalde, Texas, unleashed the deadliest attack on an American elementary school since the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, Donald Trump, and Texas Senator Ted Cruz are all busy making plans to be featured paid speakers at the NRA's annual meeting in Houston, Texas this week. Now, I was checking out the conservative media response to this tragedy, and according to Fox News “analysts” - the reason this shooting occurred was that the fence around the school just wasn’t high enough.  Who knew?  Anyway, their solution is put armed guards in all the classrooms.  Terrific!  That means on top of everything else, parents will then have a group of underpaid, gun-toting meatheads to worry about.  Gee, wonder who’ll stop them, if one of these “armed guards” decides to go ballistic? Meanwhile, another Fox News “analyst” suggested that schools need to forget about getting kids useless things like art supplies and physical education equipm

During an interview with Fox News host Maria Bartiromo, it appears Republican Sen. Roger Marshall (R-KS) believes that Kansas has recently geographically moved away from the Mexican border, claiming that Joe Biden’s policies have migrants "stacked up" and waiting to enter the United States, and "this is why Kansas is no longer a border state.” Gee, so Kansas was once a border state? Who knew?  Frankly, I’ve always assumed that if you’re traveling by tornado , it was located right next to the Land of Oz, but what do I know?  Anyway, it appears geography is another subject Kansas Republicans must have outlawed and discarded right along with that dreaded Critical Race Theory.   Now, to quote the late, great Sam Cooke, it kind of sounds like Sen. Marshall “don’t know much about history, don't know much biology, don't know much about a science book.”  Of course, giving Sen. Marshall the benefit of the doubt, this may have been a feeble attempt to make a Civil War

Emboldened by the Supreme Court’s likely decision to overturn Roe v Wade, Christian Nationalists are once again on the move.   Trump-endorsed MAGA Michigan state House candidate Jacky Eubanks appeared on the podcast “ Church Militant ” this week to inform the host that she would vote in favor of legislation “banning all forms of contraception,” which she claims runs counter to God's “natural moral law.”   She then added “Sex ought to be between one man and one woman, in the confines of marriage” and that “You cannot have a successful society outside of the Christian moral order.” Exactly, because nothing says you’re pro-freedom and anti-big government, quite like passing legislation controlling other people’s sex lives!  In fact, this reminds me of when Thomas Jefferson wrote, “All successful societies need a Christian moral order, and that’s why we’ve decided to form an evangelical Christian theocracy, one completely intolerant of anyone else’s beliefs.” Of course, whenever any

A report has surfaced that billionaire Elon Musk exposed himself to a former SpaceX flight attendant while on his private jet.   The report claims Musk exposed himself to her and then offered to give her a horse in exchange for sexual favors.   The incident allegedly took place in a private cabin on the aircraft en route to London in 2016.   Musk rubbed the woman's leg and pleaded for a sexual massage, which she firmly declined.   The details of the offense were laid out in a signed declaration, with Musk’s aerospace company SpaceX paying out $250,000 in 2018 to settle her sexual misconduct allegations - with the hope it would all go away. So, let me get this straight.  We have a jackass, offering to buy a woman a horse ?  Gee, that’s a switch!  Of course, because it’s Elon Musk - you’re not getting the entire horse, you’re only getting the “horse's ass.”  All I can say is, let’s hope it wasn’t the horse I bet on in the Kentucky Derby.  The poor thing looked pretty constipate

In line with the baseless claims of “election fraud” he perpetuated about the 2020 election, former President Donald Trump is now urging his endorsed favorite candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz, who is currently running neck and neck in vote tallies with his primary opponent for the US Senate David McCormick, to just “declare victory” - even before all the votes have been counted in a contest which will have far-reaching implications.   Well, I guess that’s not especially surprising.  I mean, as we all know, left to his own devices, Donald Trump is the kind of guy who’d have called the Kentucky Derby when the horses are only 3/4 of the way around the track, or complained about “if only the Cincinnati Bengals would’ve listened to me and declared victory before those damn LA Rams scored in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl!”  Why, when this style of logic is employed properly, the possibilities are endless. Anyway, let’s see here.  So, we now have a professional con artist, advising a quack TV d

It’s being reported that Payton Gendron, the 18-year-old Buffalo gunman who belonged to a global online fraternity of hate and conspiracy, fixated on the idea that the White race is being intentionally replaced.   That “Great Replacement Theory,” once relegated to the political fringe, has now gained mainstream currency after being promoted on popular right-wing cable news programs such as Tucker Carlson’s show on Fox News, and even in the halls of Congress.   In fact, the theory has turned the concept of “white nationalism” into an international call to arms. Gee, what a coincidence!  You mean this neo-Nazi terrorist’s racist rantings sound exactly like Tucker Carlson and his pals over at Fox News?  Why, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather!  Hell, now that I think about it, if they’re seriously looking for immigrants who are trying to “replace us” here in America, they really need look no further than the Murdoch family.  They seem to have done the best job so far. Oddly, i

Shortly after declaring bankruptcy to avoid paying court-ordered restitution to the Sandy Hook families he had categorized as "crisis actors,” InfoWars’ founder Alex Jones took to the airwaves in an angry meltdown, to shame viewers for not spending enough money at his InfoWars store.   In his rant, Jones said unnamed forces are "waging a war against you and your family" through "inflation and collapse,” and that he and Roger Stone are on the front lines fighting for you.   Jones then added that "This is life and death" and "This is all-out war, so go to InfoWarsStore.com and get amazing products.   If you don't support us, you're helping the enemy!” Well, I just checked out the InfoWars store for myself, and I have to admit you won’t find a better place to shop, assuming you’ve been diagnosed as a “paranoid schizophrenic.” Folks, Alex Jones not only sells “crappy junk” in his store, he also peddles “conspiracy crap” over the airwaves, and let

Rolling Stone reports that a former Trump official told them the former president actually believed the Chinese government had weather control technology and was using it to create tropical storms and hurricanes to strike the United States.   The official said the first time he heard the president propose the theory, he thought it was “ almost too stupid for words,” but the president continued asking about it so much, that administration officials soon began referring to it as the “Hurricane Gun Theory.” So, a former Trump official thought the “Hurricane Gun Theory” was “almost” too stupid for words?  Sorry, but the correct answer is - “it WAS too stupid for words.”  Hell, everyone knows most of the hurricanes that hit the US, originate on the Atlantic side - just off Africa.  That would mean it’s likely France who is sending them over.  Why do you think so many hurricanes aim directly toward New Orleans and the French Quarter? Frankly, I don’t really understand the president’s con

During an interview on CNN’s “State of the Union, Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves (R) refused to rule out the possibility that his state may ban certain forms of contraception.   This was part of his attempt to sidestep any questions regarding exactly what Republicans plan to do next when Roe v. Wade is overturned. Smart move, because everyone knows the best way to avoid people needing to have an abortion, would be to ban birth control.  Now, conservatives are always quick to point out that "The Constitution doesn't guarantee the right to have an abortion,” which is true.  On the other hand, the Constitution also doesn’t guarantee anyone the right to “scratch their ass” either.  Perhaps it’s time we “crackdown” on that too? Now, in their defense, it’s not really Republicans’ fault that most conservatives don’t fully understand the need for birth control.  After all, they can just use their personalities for that.  That said, I understand why Gov. Reeves would be reluctant t

Despite being jailed for murdering his wife by fatally striking her with a huge concrete flower pot and then throwing her body over a bridge, Indiana Republican Andrew Wilhoite has advanced as one of three Republican candidates in the race for a seat on the Clinton Township Board in the local primary election.   Wilhoite’s wife, who had just completed her last chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer, was seeking a divorce after discovering her husband had been seeing another woman. Well, well, well.  I see we have another one of those “pro-life” Republicans here.  Gosh, he seems really nice too. Gee, this is all so backasswards!  I mean, Republicans are now going to jail even BEFORE they’re elected?  Why, there are now so many Republicans either on trial or sitting in jail, that it’s almost getting to the point where the GOP may actually need to hold their 2024 convention in San Quentin.  Of course, that’d also mean changing their MAGA team colors from red to orange - so there’s th

In a recent interview with far-right news site “Gateway Pundit” founder Jim Hoft, Ohio Republican senatorial candidate J.D. Vance alleged that the fentanyl deaths among MAGA voters looks “intentional," and that President Joe Biden is responsible for those deaths.   Vance claims that "If you wanted to kill a bunch of MAGA voters in the middle of the heartland, how better than to target them and their kids with this deadly fentanyl?” OK, so now let me get this straight.  Fentanyl is being smuggled into our country through our southern border, then it’s transported up to the midwest with specific instructions that it can “only be sold to people who support Donald Trump?”  Gee, who knew the people who push and sell deadly drugs, were concerned with their victim’s political affiliations?   Anyway, J.D’s analysis is really quite interesting, because I hear there was this book detailing how opioid addiction has been destroying families throughout the midwest for literally decades