You've Got to Be Kidding?

Researchers in the Netherlands found in a new, peer-reviewed study of hospital workers that people who pick their noses habitually have a three times greater likelihood of contracting COVID than those who don’t.  Nearly 85% of those surveyed reported they picked their noses at least once in the previous month with varying frequencies. Gee, whiz!  Now that’s some interesting news!  Hell, now I'm all set for trivia night.  That said, and if I’m understanding this correctly, this study conclusively proved that “most hospital workers pick their noses.”  Who knew?  Now, if you ask me, the REAL NEWS here has nothing to do with COVID.  It’s that “a whole bunch of hospital workers actually admitted they pick their noses.” The funny thing is, there was a small group of those nose-pickers who were kind of bold about it all and proudly pointed out that, “The beauty of nose-picking is that each of us have two completely separate nasal cavities, so there’s never an...

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic.   Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what?  Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker.   Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.”  OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway?   I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...

A new study suggests wild deer may have infected humans with the COVID-19 virus, although it has not yet been definitively confirmed.   White-tailed deer on Staten Island were the first wild animals with documented Omicron infections, but the coronavirus has since been found in deer in 15 additional states. Oh, deer!  Well, I suppose it’s not all that surprising, given that it’s nearly impossible to get the 4-legged bastards to wear face masks in public.  Guess that explains why the TSA won’t allow wild deer to fly on commercial airlines.  So, the first COVID infections in deer were discovered on Staten Island?  Why, that means SNL’s Pete Davidson probably has it.  We can only hope Davidson hasn’t spread it through the entire Kardashian clan because obviously, that would impact a helluva lot of NBA players! Anyway, time for Fox News to queue up some huge conspiracy about “Dr. Fauci being seen wandering through the woods of North America, deliberately i...

The Washington Post is reporting that unvaccinated former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who just revealed that she had tested positive for the coronavirus, has been seen openly dining out at New York City restaurants this week, in complete disregard for local health and safety measures that call for those who test positive to isolate. Wow, it’s move over, Typhoid Mary - COVID Sarah is back in town!  Gee, now if memory serves me correct, wasn’t Sarah the one who warned everyone back in the day, that if we pass Obamacare - we’ll end up with “Death Panels?”  Well, it seems Sarah’s now become her own, “walking, talking, Death Panel.”   Why, it was just a few weeks ago that Sarah told that MAGA Turning Point USA conference that “she’d rather die than get a COVID vaccine.”  Well, that’s her prerogative, but she apparently wants to take half of New York City out with her when she goes.  One thing’s for sure, that kind of attitude is never gonna get her a seed at the...

After going missing for nearly two weeks as Florida continues to set records for new coronavirus infections, and with his spokesperson giving conflicting accounts as to where he might be, Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis finally resurfaced on stage New Years Eve at a Sean Feucht MAGAchurch superspreader event, to accept an award for his “courage” in opposing mask mandates and COVID vaccines.   Gee whiz, wonder which MAGAchurch that was?  Must have been the “Branch Covidians.”  So, Gov. DeSantis just disappears for nearly two weeks, right in the middle of a health crisis, does he?  Wonder where could he have DeGone?  Why, it’s almost as if he didn’t give a good DeF**k about Floridians during DePandemic? So, where was Ron DeSantis?  Could the Deep State have abducted him, only for him to somehow manage to escape and show up just in time to collect his “award” at this News Years Eve superspreader event?  Why, it seems almost Biblical if you ask...

Earlier this month, thousands of people poured into the Elevate Life Church in Dallas, Texas for a MAGA "Reawaken America" conference, featuring numerous prominent far-right and anti-vax speakers, such as Roger Stone, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, Michael Flynn, and Eric Trump.   About a week after the event, attendees began to feel sick, claiming to be suffering from fevers, chest pain, shortness of breath, coughs, headaches, and fatigue.   Now, it seems conservative media is ablaze with conference leaders insisting that “unidentified external sources” attacked the conference with “weapons-grade anthrax spores.”   Wait, anti-vaxxers say what?  Wow, these MAGA folks really do have an extraordinary amount of imaginary enemies coming after them.  Now, I understand why they feel the need to be so well-armed.  After all, any reputable psychiatrist can tell you those imaginary enemies don’t give up, without putting up one helluva fight.   Now, call me cra...

During an appearance at the recent Turning Point USA conference, host Charlie Kirk asked former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) for her opinion on vaccine mandates, and Palin responded by urging everyone to "rise up" and refuse to get vaccinated.   Palin then told Charlie Kirk that "It will be over my dead body that I'll have to get a shot, I will not do it,” suggesting she would rather die than be vaccinated for COVID-19. Now, come on Sarah!  It’s just not nice to tease everyone like that.  I mean, she’d rather die than get vaccinated?  Well, plenty of other anti-vaxxers have said that before her, and have gotten their wish.  Now, if she’s really serious and wants to “own the Libs,” perhaps she and her anti-vax pals might consider holding “Patriotic Coughing Contests.”  Get the whole MAGA community involved.  It should be loads of fun.  Hell, if nothing else, it’ll give the MAGA thugs a much-needed break from beating up school board members.  ...

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) suggested during a tele-town hall appearance in Wisconsin, that using mouthwash might be a good way to treat the novel coronavirus, assuring supporters that a simple bottle of Listerine could be all you need to beat the virus. Wait a minute!  The dumbest member of the US Senate said what?  Now, I don’t pretend to know anything about Listerine curing the coronavirus, but if it makes those Trump supporters’ breath smell any better, then I’m all for it!  Who knew Listerine would one day become “the new ivermectin” for the MAGA set? So, “a gargle a day, keeps the virus away?”  Hell, information like that is almost enough to make folks like Aaron Rodgers switch doctors - from Joe Rogan, over to Ron Johnson.  Now, laugh if you want, but it appears that no one really seems to have a real working knowledge about all these COVID “cures” like Republican politicians do.     You know, things like injecting disinfectant, bombarding y...

Popular right-wing conspiracy theorist Rick Wiles, Pastor of the Flowing Steams Church and founder of “ TruNews ,” a website promoting racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, and anti - Semitic conspiracy theories, is now warning his many followers that “COVID vaccines contain eggs that hatch into synthetic parasites that grow inside your body.” Wow, tiny eggs that hatch into synthetic parasites?  Is this supposed to be some kind of yolk?  Now, I can easily rattle off plenty more puns, but I don’t wanna egg him on.  Frankly, my biggest concern here would be - is there any possibility that these damn “parasites” - could grow up to become televangelists?  That said, the real threat lies in the fact that folks who follow charlatans like Wiles - are able to “stupid” one helluva lot faster than the medical community - can “science.” Now, for anyone wondering just who this evil cabal behind this sinister plan of planting microscopic eggs in your COVID shots may be - well, ...

The New York Times reports that the National Rifle Association (NRA) announced it will be canceling its annual meeting in Houston, after NRA leaders consulted with medical professionals, local officials, and sponsors over concerns about the rising number of COVID cases, fueled by the Delta variant in the area. Gee, you mean to tell me that the NRA is suddenly becoming concerned about people dying?  Could Wayne LaPierre and his henchmen be going soft?  I doubt it, more likely gun manufacturers just don’t feel confident enough to try and compete with a very deadly virus - in a killing contest.  NRA bosses probably feel that by canceling the convention, they’ve “dodged a bullet.” Personally, I don’t see any reason to cancel the meeting.  Why, I haven’t seen any evidence that a handgun or an assault rifle can come down with the coronavirus.  Besides, with all those guns around in the hands of who knows who, it shouldn’t be all that difficult getting shot in the ar...

Citing exhaustion and frustration with the barrage of unvaccinated patients in their care, seventy-five doctors from various hospitals in South Florida staged a protest over their hospitals being flooded with willfully unvaccinated COVID patients, making it nearly impossible to treat anyone else.  In response, right-wing talk show host Ben Shapiro warned that if these doctors have their way about who gets treated, the next thing you know, they’ll be coming for “the obese.” Oh, my gosh!  Now, I see exactly what Ben’s trying to warn us about.  Why, it’s the old adage “First, they came for the Big Macs, and I said nothing…” all over again.  I can just hear all those MAGA Trump supporters shouting their new mantra at the top of their lungs “They’ll have to pry that Big Mac from my cold, dead, big, fat, ugly, greasy fingers!” Anyway, speaking of obesity, about the only real difference between MAGA Trump supporters, the Proud Boys, right-wing militia groups, and the ...

After watching so many patients reject the coronavirus vaccine, Doctor Jason Valentine, a physician at Diagnostic and Medical Clinic Infirmary Health in Mobile, Alabama - a state with the nation’s lowest vaccination rate and a near-record number of hospitalizations - is sending a clear message to his patients - “Don’t come in for medical treatment if you are unvaccinated.” Oh, come on doctor!  How dare you imply these vulgar super spreaders, who deliberately endanger themselves and others through their blatant, willful ignorance - should have to face consequences for their actions?  I mean, show a little empathy for these MAGA sycophants.  Don’t just send them home empty-handed.  Why, I’d at least offer them one of Mike Lindell’s MyPillows to sleep on - and then send them the hell home.  Let’s show a little compassion here. That said, I don’t see why any loyal Trump or QAnon member would have a problem with not being treated.  I mean, why trust a bunc...

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, a strong Trump supporter who earlier this year signed a bill into law banning local governments from enacting mask and vaccine mandates, is now desperately looking for out-of-state medical personnel to help him staff Texas hospitals that are being overrun by a horrific surge in COVID cases throughout the state as a result of his policies.   The governor has also requested hospitals postpone all elective surgeries until further notice. Now let’s see.  We know masks and vaccines save lives, but Gov. Abbott is strongly opposed to asking people to wear masks and get vaccines.  Oh, I get it now.  Gov. Abbott isn’t actually asking for help to save lives, he’s only asking outsiders to come in to help attend to those poor folks his policies have essentially condemned to death.  Besides, can’t risk upsetting all those mask and vaccine-hating Trump supporters.   Of course, given that Gov. Abbott really only cares about pandering to Trump’...

The U.S. Surgeon General said he’s very concerned about what lies ahead, with cases of COVID-19 increasing in every state and millions still unvaccinated, as a highly contagious virus variant is spreading rapidly.   Meanwhile, you have Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis in Florida - a state with the highest COVID infection rate in the country - bragging about eliminating all precautions employed by other states, such as prohibiting local governments from enacting measures like mask requirements and social distancing, while selling campaign merchandise on his website saying “Don't Fauci My Florida.” Great merch ideas Gov. DeSantis!  Hey, I’ve got a couple more you might like.  How about “They'll vaccinate me - over my dead body."  Looks like about a third of the country might like that one.  Or, what about this “You can stick that needle in my cold, dead arm!”  I’m telling ya, the merch possibilities seem endless. Of course, Republicans know all this anti-vax h...