You've Got to Be Kidding?

InfoWars conspiracy host Alex Jones responded to a Cenk Uygur interview of philosopher Sam Harris on The Young Turks, where Harris sarcastically mocked right-wing conspiracy theorists who claim liberals are eating babies, by taking Harris completely out of context and implying Harris was basically making a confession when he mockingly said “Why can't you eat babies?   There are sometimes extra babies in the world, and they're full of protein.   Can't we eat them?” Well, first of all, its a total lie to say ALL liberals are eating babies.  After all, my doctor made me quit eating them well over a year ago because he wanted me to cut out my consumption of raw meat.   Luckily, I can still eat the baby carrots that come as a side dish.   Besides, folks on the left don’t really eat babies.   That’s total nonsense!   Of course, now toddlers - well, that’s an entirely different story. The fact is, everyone knows Libtards are mostly vegetarian and would much p...

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic.   Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what?  Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker.   Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.”  OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway?   I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...

The New York Times is reporting that conspiracy theorist and InfoWars founder Alex Jones has reached out to the Department of Justice, offering to cooperate with prosecutors investigating the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol.   His cooperation would be in exchange for an immunity deal that would allow him to avoid being criminally prosecuted in exchange for telling federal prosecutors what he knows about the planning of the events that culminated in the January 6th riots. Gee, kind of looking forward to hearing what explanation Jones is gonna give all his paranoid InfoWars fans about why he’s flipping and cooperating with that “Deep State” he’s been warning us forever.  Perhaps something like “Sasquatch made me do it” might work?  Of course, I suppose it really doesn’t matter what excuse he uses.  I mean, it isn’t like his listeners have a serious relationship with reality anyway. Nevertheless, in a letter that lawyers for Jones delivered to ...

A video of an Ohio woman at a recent Trump Michigan rally claiming Space Force will soon overturn the 2020 election has gone viral, but QAnon supporters have actually been promoting this conspiracy for more than a year now.   They believe Donald Trump’s “Space Force” watermarked all the ballots and used satellites to monitor the election to capture proof of election fraud in real-time.”   Trump supporters also claim Space Force soon plans to unveil 269,000 sealed indictments, which will result in Biden, Obama, and Hillary going to jail for treason, and Trump being restored to power. Geez, is it just me, or do these folks all appear to have “multiple screws loose,” and no one seems to have brought the right kind of screw drivers to tighten them all back up?  Frankly, I’m totally blown away by their prediction that Space Force will soon unveil 269,000 sealed indictments.  Not so much because it’s totally bonkers and completely absurd, but because any number larger tha...

The Daily Beast reports that hundreds of QAnon followers from across the country gathered at Dealey Plaza in Dallas Tuesday afternoon to witness what they believed would be the reappearance of John F. Kennedy and John F. Kennedy Jr., coming out of hiding to join Donald Trump’s 2024 presidential ticket.   After the assassinated president and his deceased son failed to show, word quickly spread that JFK Jr’s reemergence would instead take place at a Rolling Stones concert in Dallas later that evening, and that many other dead celebrities were also expected to attend.   Well, even though the “Dead Kennedys” were a “no-show, word on the street has it they were very apologetic about having missed the event, even posting a message on 4chan saying “Sorry, we couldn’t make it to your white trash shit show, but we’ve been quite busy lately - and we both felt it would be nearly impossible for us to attend - given that we’re dead and all.” Meanwhile, after the no-show, some QAnon fo...

Only 1000 Turn Out for MAGA Conspiracy Theory Conference in Utah:   Even though promoters of a two-day pro-Trump MAGA “Western Conservative Action Network” conference boasted they expected over 10,000 participants, only 1000 people actually showed up to hear speakers like headliner Michael Flynn wail about communist ideologies in government and schools, mask mandates, alternative cures for the coronavirus, and election fraud.   One of the highlights of the conference was conspiracy theorist Leigh Dundas, who warned the crowd of a recently launched plot by former Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev, to replace the U.S. government with a full-fledged “communist dictatorship.” Wow, who knew Nikita Khrushchev still walks among us?  All I can say is, the Kremlin sure must have done a much better job preserving him than they did with Vladimir Lenin.  Now, for all you libtards who scoff at all the conference’s “communist” references, rumor has it that Khrushchev’s been shar...

New Hampshire Public Radio is reporting that Republican state Rep. Ken Weyler has resigned as chairman of the House Finance Committee, after sharing an anti-Catholic conspiracy-laden "vaccine death report” document,” that claims top Vatican officials worship Satan, multiple Popes have answered to a hidden leader known as the “Grey Pope, and COVID-19 vaccines contain tentacled creatures with 5G technology intended for mind control.” Now, I’m certainly no mental health professional, but I’m pretty sure that seeing 5G tentacles in the coronavirus vaccine, might just be an indication that “hey, maybe it’s time to check into rehab.”  Either that or a secure mental health facility, where you can happily while away the hours working on supervised “arts and crafts” projects.  I tell ya, this level of paranoid conspiracy theory is almost enough to make folks like Georgia’s Rep. Marjorie Taylor - Greene with envy.   I mean, where the hell do Republicans manage to find all these ...

Italygate Election Fraud Conspiracy Tied to Mystery Woman:   Documents show that late last December, White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows emailed acting US Attorney General Jeffrey Rosen a letter detailing how people working for an Italian defense contractor, in coordination with senior CIA officials, used Italian military satellites to switch votes from Trump to Joe Biden and swing the result of the US 2020 election.   Turns out, that letter was printed under the letterheads of the USAerospace Partners and the Institute for Good Governance , two organizations led by a former Republican congressional candidate who claimed to be someone who could negotiate peace between Somali warlords and pirates, and who has since changed her name to Michele Roosevelt Edwards.   The same Ms Edwards who sat for an interview with Icelandic television the day after the 2020 elections, inside a huge $30 million mansion which she claimed was hers - but wasn’t. Now, you guys can laugh if ...

Pro-Trump Lawyer Implicates Justice Roberts in Antonin Scalia’s Death:   The Daily Beast is reporting that Lin Wood, a pro-Trump lawyer and prolific conspiracy theorist, took to Twitter Wednesday to suggest that Chief Justice John Roberts had advanced knowledge of, or may have been actually involved in - Justice Antonin Scalia's death in 2016.   No kidding?  Who knew?  And, I’ll bet it was good old Justice Clarence Thomas who ratted him out.  My guess is, Roberts probably smothered poor Antonin with a pillow while he slept.  Good grief!  He better not have used one of Mike  Lindell’s “MyPillows.”  Why, that’s one of Sean Hannity’s best advertisers. A rather bazaar theory to say the least.  I mean, is it just me, or have Republicans somehow managed to transform themselves - from being the “Party of Lincoln,” into what now can only be described as the “Party of the Twilight Zone?”   At this point, all I can say is, with gr...

QAnon Trump Fans Claim Nashville Bombing Was a Chinese Missile Strike:   QAnon Trump supporters by the hundreds are pushing a bogus conspiracy theory all over the internet, claiming that the Nashville suicide bombing was actually a Chinese military operation, designed to steal the US presidential election.   QAnon further explains that the explosion was actually a missile strike, aimed at destroying Dominion voting machines, which were allegedly being audited at the AT&T facility. Now admittedly, my first reaction was “oh, come on!   Why the hell would the Chinese ever wanna launch a missile attack on Nashville?   Then it occurred to me, the CCP's dislike of country music is well known.   Why, I’ll bet not one member of the CCP politburo has a single Hank Williams tune on any of their playlists.     So, why the hell pick on Nashville?  Well, why not?  Guess bombing Nashville makes about as much sense as anything else coming out of QAn...

Giuliani Fires Conspiracy Theorist Powell After Insane Press Conference:   President Donald J. Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani has confirmed that Sidney Powell is no longer a member of the Trump legal team.   Sidney Powell is the lawyer, who basically claimed at Trump’s last legal team press conference, that Georgia’s Republican Gov. Brian Kemp conspired with the CIA to accept a bribe from deceased Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (who died back in 2013), to throw the Georgia election for the Democrats and Joe Biden. Wow, sounds like bat shit and crazy - have just decided to go their own separate ways.  Now, if my math is correct, she only lasted about half a Scaramucci.  I’ll tell you one thing, when you’re considered too far out there for Rudy and his Total Landscaping team, that’s a very special kind of crazy.   Her downfall came, when she promised to expose an election scandal of “biblical proportions,” but when the time came, she couldn’t produ...

Attorney General Barr Likens Mail-In Voting to Playing with Fire:   In a testy interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer,   Attorney General William Barr echoed President Trump’s attacks on widespread use of mail-in ballots during the pandemic, calling them “playing with fire.” Wow, I really appreciate the heads-up Mr. Attorney General.  Luckily for America, President Trump, Attorney General Barr and Postmaster General Louis DeJoy have all put their heads together, and have come up with a solution to this horrifying mail-in threat to our democracy - destroy the Post Office. Of course, the Attorney General really does have a valid point here.  After all, just because widespread voter fraud hasn't happened yet, even though millions of mail-in ballots have been cast since the Civil War, doesn’t mean there’s absolutely no possibly it could ever could.   Now, if I were Attorney General Barr, I would tried to further bolster my argument with that pesky Wolf Blitz...

Trump Promotes Conspiracy About Plane Entirely Filled with Antifa Thugs:   As he continues to slide in the polls, President Trump has been frequently relying on outrageous conspiracy theories, in an effort to define rival Joe Biden as simply a “front” for lawless anarchists, with an agenda controlled “by people in dark shadows.” In fact, during a recent interview with Fox News host Laura Ingraham, President Trump claimed a friend of his was on a plane - entirely filled with thugs in dark uniforms.  It was obvious these folks were looters, anarchists, rioters, and people who were looking for trouble - and all of them were headed to Republican National Convention, with the sole intention to “wreak havoc.” Holy cow!  It sounds like Trump’s poor friend must have accidentally boarded an “Antifa Airlines” flight.  That said, I have heard that travel agents will tell you that Antifa Air does have some of the best connections of anyone - especially, for those looking fo...

Trump Demands Biden Be Drug Tested Before Their Presidential Debate:   In a recent Oval Office interview, President Trump indicated he will insist that drug tests be administered before next month’s first presidential debate between he and Joe Biden, claiming (without evidence), that the sudden improvement in Biden’s last primary debate performance - may very well be attributed to drugs administered to him before the debate. Drug tests?  Great idea Mr President!  Hell, the debate’s moderator could start everything off - by directing both candidates to pee into a cup behind their podiums.  Of course, as usual - we’ll insist Mexico pay for all the testing.  And, while we’re at it, Biden should demand they also get STD tested.  That ought to shake things up in the Trump camp a bit.  Of course, an argument could be made that anyone who still supports Donald Trump at this stage of the game, is definitely on something that is affecting their judgem...

US Mint Asks Americans to Help Tackle Widespread Coin Shortages:  The director of the U.S. Mint is asking Americans to help fight widespread coin shortages, by using exact change for purchases and exchanging the coins you have stashed away, for cash at banks or kiosks - actions that would help improve the massive breakdown in coin circulation. Well, I never thought I’d live to see the day when it finally would come to this.  I mean, to think that the US Government under Donald Trump is now so broke, they’ve started asking folks if they have “any spare change?” Why, if they try and hit me up for some change, I’ll just tell ‘em “I gave at the office.”   Besides, what the hell do I care?  I almost never use coins for anything anyway.  Hey US Mint - “here’s a quarter , call somebody who gives a crap.”  But in all fairness, I’m also someone who only believes in conducting business transactions through bartering in “ colorful feathers or cowrie snail shells ”...

Trump Says He Appreciates the Support of QAnon Conspiracy Theorists:   When pressed by a reporter about QAnon supporters believing he is secretly saving the world from a cult of pedophiles and cannibals led by Hillary Clinton and several Hollywood celebrates, a baseless theory which the FBI has flagged as a potential domestic terrorist threat, President Trump gave credence to the theory when he shot back - claiming he didn’t know much about them, but “how it can be a bad thing, saving the world from a Satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals?” Wow, I had no idea that "crazy" had now become such an important Republican voter block in America?  No wonder Republicans vehemently oppose any funding designed to address mental health issues in this country.  I mean, if troubled people started regaining their mental health again, Republicans might lose voters.  Now, in his defense, President Trump did deny knowing very much about these QAnon people, but said he appreciates t...

Source:  BBC.com Senate Report Labels Trump 2016 Campaign a Grave Counterintelligence Threat:   A newly released exhaustive investigation, which was run by members of President Trump’s own political party, is portraying the President’s 2016 campaign as a “grave security threat” to the United States of America, because of its myriad connections to Moscow, eagerness to exploit assistance from the Kremlin, and determination to conceal the full extent of its conduct. As soon as the report became public, many Americans soon began to wonder just how any Republicans could still be supportive of this “band of traitors?”  Well, the answer is, the Republican Party is actually a very big tent…for traitors. Meanwhile, some are even suggesting that Trump and his cohorts, ought be tried and then hung on the White House lawn - for treason.  Of course, no one knows if Trump will ever be hung.  But, one thing we do know is - he’ll never be well-hung .  At least, according...

President Brings in New Doctor to Advise Him on COVID-19 Response:   As tensions grow between the President and Doctors Fauci and Birx, President Trump announced that he’s decided to bring in Fox News Channel’s Dr. Scott Atlas to advise him on the Covid-19 pandemic, even though Dr. Atlas has no expertise in either public health or infectious diseases. So, as we all knew it would, our pandemic response has basically come down to a “calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard” situation.  Of course, and in all fairness, the President really had no choice in selecting Dr. Atlas, given that Dr Mengele has been dead for so long now. Meanwhile, Trump justified his decision to appoint someone with no infectious disease qualifications, by pointing out that Dr. Atlas is "a very famous man” and “he thinks what we’ve done is really good.” Well, that certainly makes good sense, but damn - it also reminds me of what a golden opportunity I missed to get some solid Covid-19 advice from my p...

Trump Declines to Denounce QAnon Conspiracy Theory:  After QAnon proponent Marjorie Taylor Greene won the Republican primary for Georgia’s 14th Congressional District, President Trump tweeted his congratulations and called her “a future Republican star.”   When asked by AP reporter Jill Colvin specifically about QAnon, all the President would say is “well, she’s very popular” and that “she won by a lot.” Actually, the correct answer to Ms, Colvin’s question is quite simple…the folks who believe in QAnon - also see Trump as a kind of "messiah figure."  And, when you couple that with the fact that “ Trump also sees Trump as a messiah figure” - what’s not for him to like? Now, the big conspiracy theory fostered by QAnon, is that Hillary Clinton and certain Hollywood celebrities - are the masterminds behind a extremely secretive, massive, sex-trafficking pedophile ring.   All I can say to that is, the very idea that Donald Trump is somehow a “ hero” in the fight...

Postal Service Warns States Delays May Disenfranchise Millions of Voters:  Anticipating an avalanche of absentee ballots along with Trump’s refusal to send the agency any emergency funding, the U.S. Postal Service is sending out detailed letters to 46 states and Washington D.C., warning it cannot guarantee all ballots cast by mail for the November election will arrive in time to be counted - which would basically leave tens of millions of voters disenfranchised. All politics aside, when Trump warns everyone about how this election promises to be the most rigged and fraudulent ever , he is absolutely correct.  Of course, what he doesn’t mention is - he will be the one orchestrating it. Compounding the problem, Postal Service whistleblowers warn that management has been sabotaging their efforts to keep the mail flowing, by removing tons of mailboxes, as well as shutting down and dismantling numerous mail sorting machines.   For heaven’s sake, how can this be happeni...