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New Hampshire State Finance Chairman Warns COVID Vaccine Contains ‘Tentacled Creatures’


New Hampshire Public Radio is reporting that Republican state Rep. Ken Weyler has resigned as chairman of the House Finance Committee, after sharing an anti-Catholic conspiracy-laden "vaccine death report” document,” that claims top Vatican officials worship Satan, multiple Popes have answered to a hidden leader known as the “Grey Pope, and COVID-19 vaccines contain tentacled creatures with 5G technology intended for mind control.”

Now, I’m certainly no mental health professional, but I’m pretty sure that seeing 5G tentacles in the coronavirus vaccine, might just be an indication that “hey, maybe it’s time to check into rehab.”  Either that or a secure mental health facility, where you can happily while away the hours working on supervised “arts and crafts” projects.  I tell ya, this level of paranoid conspiracy theory is almost enough to make folks like Georgia’s Rep. Marjorie Taylor - Greene with envy.  


I mean, where the hell do Republicans manage to find all these lunatics, anyway?  Hell, this sounds more like a script from a low-budget, B-level horror film.  Not to mention, with all the evil things Republicans say are packed into these vaccines, it’s gotta be getting pretty damned crowded in those hypodermic needles.  Why, how could they even load all that surveillance technology into one single shot?  I suppose that’s why they insist we get two doses.


Now, folks - I don’t like to preach, but this is precisely why they warn ya that snorting meth and watching Jerry Springer, just do not mix.  That said, I do get the logic here.  After all, if you’re in fear of imaginary “Gray Popes,” it would naturally make perfect sense you’d also believe COVID injections contain “microscopic 5G calamari tentacles.”  Why, I’m sure poor Rep. Weyler must have thought, “this craving I have for calamari, can’t be just coincidence!”  Well, sorry Rep. Weyler, but it’s probably time we took those car keys of yours.


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