You've Got to Be Kidding?

Taking issue with Democrats moving from blue states to red states, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) suggested temporarily barring Democrats from voting, claiming “brainwashed people” really need a “cooling-off period” before being allowed to vote again.   She further added that Democrat voters have ruined states like California and New York, and she doesn’t want to see them ruining the culture of great states like Georgia, Texas, and Florida.   Greene says what we need is a "national divorce scenario,” - meaning breaking everything up into red states and blue states. Wait a minute!  You mean Marjorie Taylor Greene plans to prohibit people from voting, in order to “prevent liberals from destroying what our country stands for?”  Oh, now I see her point!  Let those “libtards” vote, and the next thing you know, they’ll start resolving issues by common-sense governance and marrying people who aren’t even close relatives.  Can’t have any of that nonsense going on. Anyway, so MTG w

The Daily Beast reports new details have emerged regarding the Christmas Eve domestic violence attack on InfoWars conspiracy theorist host Alex Jones - by his wife Erika Wulff Jones.   During the attack, Jones called police, and his wife then attempted to flee as they arrived, striking at least one policeman in the process.   The police report also stated that Jones claimed his wife struck him at least once with a bottle of shampoo, causing a severe "burning to his eyes.” Well, well!  Sounds like these two were having themselves a very “Methie Little Christmas.”  So the question is, do women have to be insane psychopaths to marry Alex Jones, or do they become insane psychopaths - because they’ve married Alex Jones?  I mean, she beat the poor guy all about his “ Head and Shoulders .”  Not surprisingly, she’s claiming she didn’t know the shampoo bottle was loaded.  Makes you wonder, where was that “good guy with a shampoo bottle” while this shampoo attack was going down? Why, a

After her interview with Donald Trump created a massive blowback in right-wind and anti-vax circles over his defense of the COVID vaccine, right-wing media personality Candace Owens urged Trump supporters to go easy on him, implying Trump’s advocacy of vaccines was due to the fact “he is too old to do his own, independent research.”   She further added that Trump “only gets his news from the mainstream media, because people of his age - don't seek information.” OK, now if I’m understanding all this correctly, what Candace Owens is basically saying is that “Donald Trump is a senile, ignorant, old coot, who really has no idea what the hell he’s talking about - but please make sure you vote for him in 2024!”  Wow, talk about a rock-solid endorsement!  Anyway Candace, now that you’ve explained to us why Trump is so stupid, what’s your excuse?  That said, I do understand her position on this, which is basically - “why rely on medical professionals, when you have the internet and all

The Associated Press reports that Pinellas County, Florida sheriff's deputies arrested a man during a traffic stop after they found baggies of cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around the suspect's penis during a pat-down.   The suspect denied the drugs were his, and claimed he had no idea how they got there. Well, laugh if you want, but if I just had a dollar for every time someone tried to tape hard drugs to my penis - well, let’s just say I wouldn't need to depend on George Soros for a paycheck any longer.  Anyway, during the traffic stop, the cop just flat-out told him “Son, either those are drugs taped to your penis, or that’s one helluva STD you’ve got there!”    I mean, sure - I realize this sounds like some cockamamie story to many folks.  After all, he told the cops he’d left his “regular penis” at home that evening, and he has no idea where the hell this penis could have come from.  He then added ”Why, that doesn't even look like my penis, officer.  T

Earlier this month, thousands of people poured into the Elevate Life Church in Dallas, Texas for a MAGA "Reawaken America" conference, featuring numerous prominent far-right and anti-vax speakers, such as Roger Stone, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, Michael Flynn, and Eric Trump.   About a week after the event, attendees began to feel sick, claiming to be suffering from fevers, chest pain, shortness of breath, coughs, headaches, and fatigue.   Now, it seems conservative media is ablaze with conference leaders insisting that “unidentified external sources” attacked the conference with “weapons-grade anthrax spores.”   Wait, anti-vaxxers say what?  Wow, these MAGA folks really do have an extraordinary amount of imaginary enemies coming after them.  Now, I understand why they feel the need to be so well-armed.  After all, any reputable psychiatrist can tell you those imaginary enemies don’t give up, without putting up one helluva fight.   Now, call me crazy, but if some evil ent

During an appearance at the recent Turning Point USA conference, host Charlie Kirk asked former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) for her opinion on vaccine mandates, and Palin responded by urging everyone to "rise up" and refuse to get vaccinated.   Palin then told Charlie Kirk that "It will be over my dead body that I'll have to get a shot, I will not do it,” suggesting she would rather die than be vaccinated for COVID-19. Now, come on Sarah!  It’s just not nice to tease everyone like that.  I mean, she’d rather die than get vaccinated?  Well, plenty of other anti-vaxxers have said that before her, and have gotten their wish.  Now, if she’s really serious and wants to “own the Libs,” perhaps she and her anti-vax pals might consider holding “Patriotic Coughing Contests.”  Get the whole MAGA community involved.  It should be loads of fun.  Hell, if nothing else, it’ll give the MAGA thugs a much-needed break from beating up school board members.   Anyway, Sarah claims t

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has just announced the “Stop the Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees” Act (aka the ‘WOKE Act’), a legislative proposal that would encourage citizens to spy on teachers in the classroom, and then sue them and their school district if they felt the school is teaching an “aspect” of Critical Race Theory (CRT).   Critics say this law could make it extremely difficult for educators to teach students subjects such as civics and history.   So, Gov. DeSantis wants teachers and school districts to get sued if students and parents don’t like what schools are teaching?  Why, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think Florida Republicans are pulling a slick little “cancel culture” move there.  Why, it’s almost like “ye who doth protest too much.”   Anyway, I do have to admit that this DeSantis fellow really has things all figured out.  Why, under his genius legislation, DeSantis has things set up so Florida taxpayers, will basically be “suing themselves.”  Seems like t

In an upcoming documentary, Russian leader Vladimir Putin claimed that after the Soviet Union’s demise, he was forced to drive a taxi to make ends meet.   Putin, now considered one of the world’s richest men, was a Colonel for the KGB in East Germany, before the Soviet Union’s collapse. Wait a minute, you’re telling me Vladimir Putin actually drove a cab?  That must have been just after his “polonium milkshake stand” failed.  But sure, I believe Putin drove a cab - and Donald Trump got his start as a bus driver too!  All I can say is, if it’s true, then it’s probably the only honest work Putin’s ever had.  Of course, one could make the argument that for the past 20 years, Putin’s been taking the entire Russian population “for a ride.” I mean, how does one go from driving a cab, to being one of the richest people in the entire world?  Now, I’ve never driven a cab in Russia, but I’m guessing the tips must have been pretty damn good.  Word has it that Putin’s cab rides were considered

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, who has voted against every single federal disaster relief package for the last 10 years, including help for victims of Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Sandy, and the 9/11 victims fund - has now hurriedly dashed off a letter to President Joe Biden, pleading for “expeditious federal relief aid” to victims of a deadly tornado that struck a 200-mile path through his state. Gee, so Rand Paul is now asking for some of that “socialist” federal aid?  No kidding?  Why, it’s almost as if sending out our “thoughts and prayers” just isn’t enough when it comes to his state.  Well, then - I assume having Joe Biden fly in there and toss a bunch of paper towels at disaster victims - wouldn’t cut it either then?  Funny, because Republicans sure seemed to think that was all the folks in Puerto Rico really needed/deserved. Of course, President Biden will do the right thing, and come to the aid of those communities - because he isn’t the heartless, soulless, Social Darwinis

After a homeless man with mental health issues set fire to the Fox News Christmas tree, folks over at Fox have been losing their minds in rage and anger, with Tucker Carlson demanding that the Department of Justice track what he feels is an epidemic of terrorist attacks on Christmas trees across the land. Wow!  You know, I actually saw that video, and I do have to admit that damn tree went up in flames faster than a Swanson TV dinner.  On the other hand, let’s get serious here.  Now, I’m certainly no detective, but I think if some terrorist really wanted to commit a hate crime over at Fox News headquarters, why would they bother burning down a fake Christmas tree, when they could instead set Tucker or Hannity on fire? Anyway, I don’t know about Tucker’s claim that there’s an epidemic of Christmas tree burnings across the nation, but I do know this - a helluva lot of people have been burning yule logs.  And, the way I see it, that ought to count for something.  You know, it’s rathe

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) suggested during a tele-town hall appearance in Wisconsin, that using mouthwash might be a good way to treat the novel coronavirus, assuring supporters that a simple bottle of Listerine could be all you need to beat the virus. Wait a minute!  The dumbest member of the US Senate said what?  Now, I don’t pretend to know anything about Listerine curing the coronavirus, but if it makes those Trump supporters’ breath smell any better, then I’m all for it!  Who knew Listerine would one day become “the new ivermectin” for the MAGA set? So, “a gargle a day, keeps the virus away?”  Hell, information like that is almost enough to make folks like Aaron Rodgers switch doctors - from Joe Rogan, over to Ron Johnson.  Now, laugh if you want, but it appears that no one really seems to have a real working knowledge about all these COVID “cures” like Republican politicians do.     You know, things like injecting disinfectant, bombarding your body with UV light, sniffing g

Just a little over a week after four people were shot and killed at Oxford High School in Michigan by a 15-year-old shooter whose parents had just bought him an assault weapon on Black Friday, Republicans such as Thomas Massie (R-KY) and Lauren Boebert (R-Co) have callously been posting proud photos of themselves and their young children brandishing assault rifles in front of a Christmas tree on their Twitter accounts. Well, it sure looks like these folks are definitely well prepared to fight this year’s “War on Christmas.”  Always said, there’s nothing more joyous than a heavily armed family, spending time with relatives who’ve dropped by unexpectedly for a few drinks over the holidays.  Frankly, if I were Santa, I think I might just take a pass on coming down this family’s chimney. Not to mention how challenging it must be for Christmas carolers who drop by their house to sing a few songs like “Silent Night,” with tons of gunfire going off in the background.  Perhaps singing som

It’s being reported that San Joaquin Valley congressman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) will resign his seat at the end of the month, in order to become CEO at Donald Trump’s new media company - the “Trump Media & Technology Group.”   Nunes has been heavily mocked on social media for some time now on the super-viral account @NunesCow, for claiming to be a "dairy farmer,” even though his family secretly moved the farm out of California to Iowa some time ago. Holly Cow!  You mean Devin @NunesCow is leaving Congress?  Why, he must be seeking greener pastures.  Now some may ask, why would Trump’s media company hire a guy who has no social media background whatsoever - other than trolling?  Hell, I guess they felt what the business needed was “more cowbell.”  One thing’s for sure, the “steaks” are really high in a move like this.  Alright, I know, I know - I’m been “butchering” all these cattle puns. The thing is, Nunes currently holds down some very important House committee assign

In a totally unannounced march, hundreds of people from the white nationalist group “Patriot Front” marched in full fascist regalia through Washington DC to the Capitol building, wearing matching uniforms, masks, and carrying shields - and claiming to represent the interests of “America’s true people.” Now, I have to admit, when I first saw all these folks in their matching outfits, I just assumed perhaps some cable company’s installers were out on strike.  Anyway, as they say, “clothes make the man,” and you can just bet these “patriots” moms all think these lads look simply “adorable” in their glorified Boy Scout uniforms.  Sadly - apparently, no one bothered to tell any of them that Halloween was over more than six weeks ago. So, they’re marching to protect the interests of "America’s true people” are they?  Why, who knew these folks held such deep concerns for the general welfare of Native Americans?  That said, isn’t it rather interesting how none of these “masks-are-tyr

The New York Times reports that a plumber has found "bags and bags" of cash stashed in a bathroom wall, which has been linked to a 2014 theft from a safe at televangelist Joel Osteen’s megachurch.   At the time of the theft, the church claimed the missing funds from the weekend services were valued at about $600,000, while pointing out “we’re fully insured,” and that “we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church.”   Sadly, that plumber also reports the church has so far ignored his request for information about the $25,000 reward which was offered for the recovery of the money.     Gee whiz, $600,000 in loot just stashed away inside the church’s bathroom wall?  And, to think I get totally ecstatic when I occasionally find a five-spot in the dryer.  I guess we have yet another example of how “the Lord works in mysterious ways!”  Reminds me of that old adage “The Good Lord giveth, and the Good Lord taketh and then hides it.”  Talk about