Skip to main content

Plumber Finds Bags Full of Loot Inside Bathroom Wall of Joel Osteen’s Church


The New York Times reports that a plumber has found "bags and bags" of cash stashed in a bathroom wall, which has been linked to a 2014 theft from a safe at televangelist Joel Osteen’s megachurch.  At the time of the theft, the church claimed the missing funds from the weekend services were valued at about $600,000, while pointing out “we’re fully insured,” and that “we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church.”  Sadly, that plumber also reports the church has so far ignored his request for information about the $25,000 reward which was offered for the recovery of the money.   

Gee whiz, $600,000 in loot just stashed away inside the church’s bathroom wall?  And, to think I get totally ecstatic when I occasionally find a five-spot in the dryer.  I guess we have yet another example of how “the Lord works in mysterious ways!”  Reminds me of that old adage “The Good Lord giveth, and the Good Lord taketh and then hides it.”  Talk about a "Christmas Miracle!”  Why, it’s almost enough to make loyal Osteen followers choke while drinking down their grape Kool-Aid!

    

All I can say is, it’s a damn good thing all these televangelists have such stellar reputations for being really straight-up folks, otherwise, one might think all this might somehow be connected to "insurance fraud.”  Not that someone stealing a boatload of cash, then not taking even one cent of it, and hiding it all away in the bathroom wall of the very place where they stole it, then leaving it untouched for years and years -  why no, that doesn’t sound the least bit unusual or suspicious.  


Gee, I wonder what else might be hidden in those sacred walls of good old Joel Osteen’s megachurch?  Of course, Osteen and wife Victoria are quick to claim “they don’t know nuttin about how all that dough got inside their bathroom wall.”  Meanwhile, ever the prosperity gospel pastor, Osteen’s been busy letting parishioners know that if they only pray a little harder and tithe a little more, they too might very well find a big wad of cash in their bathroom wall.  Why, because that’s the way Jesus rolls, my friend.


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Former Trump National Security Advisor Warns ‘Deep State’ Putting COVID Vaccine in Salad Dressing

Former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, who was fired and then prosecuted for lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russia before being ultimately pardoned by Trump, is now sliding further into the QAnon conspiracy world, telling the hosts of an online show dedicated to COVID and election fraud conspiracies - that he has heard the “Deep State” is attempting to “sneak coronavirus vaccine into salad dressing.” Now, I have no idea where Gen. Flynn got this information, but my guess is it was probably a text from Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani, alerting him to the “hidden dangers of salad dressing.”  Or, it could have been Nicki Minaj for all I know.  After all, she does have another cousin who has a friend in Timbuktu.  Word on the street has it the “Deep State” will initially start with “Ranch Dressing” to vaccinate the cowboys, then move on to “Russian Dressing,” to get the rest of Trump’s supporters. Anyway, I hate to rain on Gen. Flynn’s conspiracy the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s.  She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden.  The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.”  There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed.  In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls.   Okay, so now let me get this straight.  A young Mexican fema...
Post a Comment
Read more