You've Got to Be Kidding?

Wisconsin Republicans are threatening to impeach newly elected liberal state Supreme Court Justice Janet Protasiewicz, even though she hasn’t as yet heard even a single case.   Republican legislators are demanding she recuse herself from any and all cases where she might have at one time expressed a general opinion on a subject or face impeachment.   This is a rather interesting position, given that many of the Wisconsin Supreme Court’s conservative justices were “anti-abortion activists” before being elevated to the court. Oh, wait!  Now I get it.   Wisconsin Republicans want Justice Protasiewicz to be more like Trump’s US Supreme Court nominees - who never once even “ thought about overturning Roe v. Wade” before their nominations to the court.   And that’s why a “women’s right to choose” is still safe and legal throughout the country, and “Roe” is still the law of the land today. Besides, we all know this Janet Protasiewicz person is only sitting on the Wisc...

During an interview on the Christian nationalist Victory Channel's Flashpoint program, Colorado representative Lauren Boebert claimed God told her to introduce articles of impeachment against President Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris.   Boebert further added that "I'm not calling myself an historic figure, but.....All glory to God. This is grace. This is God's empowerment and His ability and staying grounded, rooted in the Word of God, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Wow, I don’t know about you guys, but that sure convinced the hell out of me.  I’m just not sure of exactly what.   Now, I know a lot of you folks just automatically dismiss everything Boebert says by claiming she’s just a “crackpot,” but I’ve honestly never felt she was a crackpot.   In fact, I’ve always seen her as more of a “crack ho.”   But that’s just me.   What I don’t get is if God really wants Joe Biden impeached, then why the hell didn’t He just prevent hi...

Trump Hires Two New Attorneys After His Entire Legal Team Quits:  After former President Donald Trump and his entire legal team abruptly parted ways a little over a week before his February 9th trial, due to his insistence on arguing the 2020 election was stolen from him, Donald Trump announced that attorneys David Schoen and Bruce Castor will now head up his legal team for his second impeachment trial. Wow, first he tells aides not to pay Rudy’s legal fees, and now his entire impeachment legal team quits on him?  Hell, if he keeps this nonsense up, about the only legal representation he’ll be able to find - will be LegalZoom.   Of course, Trump being Trump, he naturally thinks he’s “twice as smart as anyone else,” so if he is forced to testify, expect him to try to “take the tenth” - not the “fifth.”  After all, “taking a fifth,” sounds more like something alcoholics would do, not big-shot billionaires. One thing’s for sure, you can bet Trump’s impeachment tri...

Trump Turns to Pence to Calm Fears Over Coronavirus:   President Trump addressed the nation from the White House briefing room Thursday, announcing he will be putting Vice President Mike Pence in charge of efforts to stem the spread and ease public fears over the coronavirus here in the US, blindsiding Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar - who had been leading the task force. Because nothing stems public fears like putting a guy who doesn’t even believe in science in charge of coordinating our response to a worldwide pandemic and possible global economic collapse. Shortly after being appointed, Pence grabbed the reins and immediately called for a complete ban of all Mexican beer imports, pointing out that “even though the virus has so far only affected Corona lagers, mother always says it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Not to sound critical, but I rather suspect that during volatile times such as these, many American’s are thinking that “now would have b...

Limbaugh Claims Coronavirus is Just a Common Cold Used to Bring Down Trump:   Rush Limbaugh is under fire for spreading misinformation, after claiming the coronavirus is simply a “common cold being weaponized to bring down President Trump,” - who just recently awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Well, if that’s the case, I suggest Rush should perhaps test his theory, by flying directly into coronavirus epicenter Wuhan City, China - expose himself to the virus, and thereby demonstrate just what a humongous hoax all this coronavirus nonsense really is.   On the other hand, Rush was the guy who told listeners for years and years that “smoking does not cause cancer” - so there’s that.  But it doesn’t matter.  Hell, Trump supporters will just think that once again, Rush is “dead right.”  And you know what, maybe this time - he really is. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Appoints Hardened Loyalist to Help Him Control the Deep State:  President Trump has selected Richard Grenell, a hard core Trump loyalist with “no intelligence background whatsoever,” to be acting Director of National Intelligence - a man he hopes will help the President control the intelligence community’s “deep state,” whom he feels seek to undermine his agenda.  Not to be critical, but being a Trump appointee, one can’t help but wonder if its actually “intelligence experience” that Grenell lacks, or simply intelligence in general? Now, is it just me, or is it starting seem like perhaps it might not have been such a great idea after all to hand the reins of our country over to a bunch of white nationalist Twitter trolls? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Brands Himself as America’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer:  Shortly after his extremely controversial pardoning or commuting the sentences of 11 people, President further outraged critics by falsely declaring himself to be “chief law enforcement officer of the United States.” Well, on a positive note, Trump declaring himself “chief law enforcement officer of the United States,” should at least once and for all settle that lingering question of “who da boss?” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Over 1100 Former Justice Department Officials Demand Barr's Resignation:   More than 1,100 former Department of Justice (DOJ) officials who served in both Republican and Democratic administrations, are calling for Attorney General William Barr to resign in the wake of the DOJ's decision to ask for a shorter prison sentence for Roger Stone, a longtime ally and close pal of President Trump. Gee, both Democrats and Republicans joined in demanding Attorney General Barr resign?  Who knew a partisan hack like Bob Barr could be such a uniter?   Isn't it interesting how this "deep state conspiracy” Trump supporters constantly whine about - now seems to include nearly every single person who is still somewhat in possession of their sanity? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Sending Border Patrol Tactical Units to Sanctuary Cities:   The Trump administration is deploying highly trained, heavily armed tactical units to boost arrests of unauthorized immigrants in cities like Los Angeles, Chicago and New York, in Trump’s latest move against localities that adopt "sanctuary" policies. Gee whiz, sending in an armed militia to hunt down immigrants?  Why, if one didn’t know better - one might think our president was actually trying to provoke violent incidents.   But I see his point, America desperately needs heavily armed tactical SWAT units to protect us from unarmed, impoverished, migrant men, women and children.   By the way, if those SWAT units are looking for unauthorized immigrants, I hear Trump properties are a great place to start.  On the other hand, if they’re looking to catch real hardened criminals, I suggest they focus on the White House. Folks, this isn’t hyperbole - this is fascism.  The Statu...

Masked Neo-Nazi White Supremacists March in Washington DC:   Shortly after President Trump’s acquittal in the senate, masked members of a neo-Nazi white supremacist group called Patriot Front marched through Washington’s National Mall yelling “Reclaim America!” and “Life, Liberty, Victory!” Patriot Front?  What the hell is that - another Trump voter registration drive?  And what’s up with the masks?  Of course, in all fairness, I suppose they really need to wear masks, so no one could tell which ones were Eric and Don Jr.  I mean, you can’t have your damned march being endlessly delayed by countless autograph seekers. But frankly, I’m a bit surprised Trump didn’t invite them right over to the White House - and present them with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  If not that, he should have at least given them a few McDonald’s gift cards for their efforts.  I mean, come on!  You’re supposed to be a billionaire.  You don’t want fo...

Republican Senators Still Claiming Trump Has Learned Lesson:   Many of the Republican senators who voted to acquit Donald Trump on abuse of power and obstruction charges, are now trying to justify their vote by claiming they believe Trump has learned his lesson, even though the president followed up his acquittal by launching vicious, personal attacks against his accusers and continuing to claim he did absolutely nothing wrong. Now, I’m rarely in agreement with Republicans about much of anything, but I have to admit I’m in full agreement with those senators who say “Trump has learned his lesson” after his recent impeachment.   Of course, the lesson he’s “learned” is that he’s now free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants, no matter how criminal or unconstitutional it may be - and he’ll never face any consequences whatsoever for those actions.  But he’s still learned a lesson, just the same. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Expands Immigration Ban - Adding Mostly African Nations:  President Trump just added six more "mostly African nations” to his administration’s travel ban, including Nigeria, Africa’s most populous country - in a widely anticipated expansion which Democrats claim is “clearly discriminatory” against people from predominantly black and Muslim nations. Now wait a minute, let me get this straight.  Trump was just impeached for pressuring foreign nations to help him throw America’s 2020 elections, yet we’re supposed to believe it’s these countries who pose threats to our national security?   Gee, this has to be a mistake.  Perhaps someone  just misinterpreted something when they translated the President’s order from “Trump to English.”  Oh well, on a positive note - at least we’re still welcoming immigrants from Slovenia.   So, what happened?  Apparently, someone must have handed Trump a map of Africa.  You know, one with writ...

Trump Tweets Schiff Has Not Yet Paid the Price for His Actions:   President Trump continued to ratchet up his rhetoric against Rep. Adam Schiff, tweeting out what appeared to be a threat against the House Impeachment Manager by claiming “Shifty Adam Schiff is a CORRUPT POLITICIAN, and probably a very sick man.  He has not paid the price, yet, for what he has done to our Country!” Gee, that almost sounds like an “enemies list” to me.  Now, if memory serves me correct, I could almost swear we've been down that road before.  The difference being, Nixon used proper grammar and knew how to spell.   Anyway, while we’re talking about “paying the price,” my guess is most taxpayers wouldn’t mind seeing My Trump “pay the price” also  - you know, for all those golf outings and endless pep rallies he holds for himself every week. Anyway, I suppose all of this is just more old news, given that Mr Trump and his pals are almost never at a loss for somethin...

Trump Tells Americans Use Mops and Buckets to Combat Rising Seas:   Donald Trump launched into a scathing attack on recent proposals to build a six-mile sea wall around New York, urging the city’s residents to instead use “mops and buckets” to cope with the rising sea levels. Sure Mr President, we’ll get right on that mopping business, just as soon as we finish raking the national forests.  By the way, whatever happened to that old “Walls Work” slogan of yours?   But I get Trump’s point here, putting up a sea wall is just plain crazy.  Of course, building a wall around the desert is nothing short of pure genius.  Besides, it isn’t like there’s a whole lotta of people living in Manhattan anyway.   Anyway, the way I see it - there’s no need for New Yorkers to run right out and buy themselves a fancy new mop to soak up all that sea water, not when Trump’s hair ought to work just as well. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

UK Threatening to Tear Up its Defense Alliance with US:  Because of President Trump’s destabilizing order to assassinate Iranian Maj. Gen. Qassem Soleimani, UK Defense Secretary Ben Wallace is threatening to tear up its defense alliance with the US, adding that the UK will instead be seeking to forge stronger alliances with other international partners who share the UK’s priorities. Trump Administration officials counter, calling the UK’s move unfair - and pointing out Trump’s never really had any real friends, so how the hell is he supposed understand alliances?   In the meantime, an outraged Donald Trump took to Twitter, urging all Americans to quit buying English muffins. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Hannity Threatens to Release Phone Numbers of Any Mutinous Republicans:   Fox News host and Trump apologist-in-chief Sean Hannity, is issuing a warning to all Republican senators - that he will publicly release the phone numbers of any senators who dare vote to allow witnesses to be called during President Trump’s impeachment trial in the Senate. Gee, you mean to tell me that the party of "alternative facts” and science deniers, who represent a guy who’s already racked up nearly 16,000 documented lies during his presidency - is not going to allow any witnesses or evidence during their show trial?  Well, knock me over with a feather! Now, back in the day and before Trump, things like witness tampering and overt attempts to intimidate jurors - used to be a felony.  But now, I suppose those, just like most other things found in our constitution, have become simply passée during a Trump presidency.  Who cares about all that legalese anyway? Of course, I s...

Republican Defends Posting Fake Photo of Obama with Iran’s President:  Republican congressman Paul Gosar, who tweeted a fake photoshopped picture of former President Barack Obama shaking hands with Iranian President Hassan Rouhani, defended his actions after it was exposed as a lie by claiming “no one said this wasn’t photoshopped,” then adding “but the pic still makes a valid point.” Oh, I get it. The old “I never said I wasn't lying” defense. Anyway, interesting position that Rep. Gosar’s taking on this. I mean, I assume this also means he’d have no problem whatsoever with a political opponent posting a doctored photo of him with say - underage boys? And it’s funny, but I can’t seem to recall one Republican calling him out for promoting fake news. Why, this is a guy who’s very own family actually went on TV during the last election, and begged people to NOT vote for him. Gee, hard to imagine why they’d feel that way. And the guy’s a dentist for Christ’s sake! All I can...

Selective Service Website Crashes Amid Panic Over Military Draft:   In the aftermath of the US drone strike that killed Iranian General Suleimani, the Selective Service System reports receiving so much traffic from people panicking over the possibility of getting drafted, that the website crashed.   And hell, that was just from Donald Trump’s friends and family!  Wait till everyone else gets the word.  In related news, the CDC says they’re busy making plans and preparations for an expected bone spurs epidemic.   Trying to dispel fears, the Trump Administration reminds citizens that they’ll be no need for a draft - not as long as we have so many desperate, poor people in this country.  And, the President pledges to keep that income disparity alive and well through additional tax cuts for the wealthy.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Paul Manafort Says Hannity Served as His Backchannel to Trump:   Paul Manafort said he used Fox News host Sean Hannity to receive backchannel messages from President Donald Trump while prosecutors investigated him for financial crimes, according to newly released memos from former Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation. Now, in light of these revelations, analysts are warning that it might be a good time for Sean Hannity get himself a good lawyer.  What are they talking about?  Hannity already has himself a lawyer.  It’s just that his lawyer (Michael Cohen) - happens to be in prison at the moment.   Anyway, I have to say all this leaves me more than a little bit confused about the workings of our government.  I mean, who the hell’s supposed to be our Vice President anyway?  Is it Rudy Giuliani or Sean Hannity?  At some point, they’ve gonna have to make up their mind! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Far Right Trump Supporters Promising Civil War is Imminent:  On a highway about 100 miles southeast of Las Vegas, a gathering of heavily armed, far-right Trump supporters, including white nationalists and conspiracy theorists, gathered for a festival called “Trumpstock,” booked as a gathering of “real Americans” celebrating President Donald Trump - with many attendees promising a full-fledged civil war, in the event President Trump should not be reelected or impeached. Because nothing shows your “patriotic support” for American democracy, like threatening violence and civil war if your candidate isn’t reelected.  But I see their point.  I mean, it isn’t like for the past 238 years - America has peacefully accepted the outcome of our presidential elections. Why, if I were one of those “real Americans,” next time I needed dental work done, or had a child in need of medical attention, rather than go to one of those snotty, untrustworthy “coastal elites” for assis...