You've Got to Be Kidding?

Trump Accuses Hospital Workers of Stealing And Selling Face Masks:   During an absolutely bizarre press conference Sunday evening, President Donald Trump decided to accuse New York hospital workers of stealing and possibly selling face masks “out the back door.” Wow, perfect move!  Can’t think of a better time to launch an attack on hospital workers.  And, I’m sure it’s all true.  After all, Trump heard it first-hand - from a guy who knew a guy who saw it written somewhere on the internet.  But why stop at attacking hospital workers?  How about spinning up one of your famous yarns about Hunter Biden - selling stolen face masks to Ukraine or something?   I mean, think how great a story like that - would go over at one of those pep rallies of yours.  Oh wait - I’m sorry!  I forgot!  You can’t hold those rallies anymore, because of that damn virus.  Hey, I got an idea!  Assign AG Barr to position himself right outside...

Trump Now Bragging About TV Ratings for Coronavirus Briefings:   President Trump took to Twitter on Sunday and repeatedly bragged about the television ratings of the near-daily coronavirus briefings - which many say he has managed to hijack - describing them as “Bachelor finale and Monday Night Football type numbers.” Gosh, silly me!  And here I thought those briefings were supposed to be about the coronavirus, not Donald Trump.  My take is, folks watch his briefings for about the same reason they watch NASCAR, they know a huge wreck is about to take place! Now, I don’t know about you guys, but really don’t pay all much attention to those coronavirus briefings until after the “Trump Show” portion of it is over - you know, when the adults finally take the podium.   Of course, in all fairness, under Trump’s leadership, America has now managed to become number one in the world for coronavirus cases.  That ought to count for something. https://...

Ivanka Attended President Trump’s Meeting with Kim Jong-un:   After being totally ignored while trying to insert herself into an informal conversation among G20 leaders in Japan, Ivanka Trump stirred up even more controversy after North Korean TV revealed that the first daughter was right there with her father at his historic Korean border meeting with Kim Jong-un. On a positive note, if anyone attending those meetings happened to need some tips on topics such as “how to match their handbag to their shoes,” Ivanka would have been an invaluable resource - go USA!  Hell, you’d think in return, Kim could have at least offered Trump a complimentary haircut, but nooooooo! The sad part is, even though Ivanka Trump has absolutely no foreign policy experience or qualifications whatsoever, she’s still no doubt, eminently more qualified than her grifter father to be advising on those issues. What’s odd is, I don’t seem to remember previous first daughters like Patti Reagan...

Abigail Disney Calls Bob Iger’s $65 Million Compensation Insane:   In public comments, Disney co-founder Roy Disney’s filmmaker, activist and philanthropist granddaughter Abigail Disney has been describing Disney Chairman-CEO Bob Iger’s $65 million compensation package as completely “insane.” Now I’m not certain the term “insane” is the correct word to use.  After all, just because Disney's pay is so low that nearly 11% of their employees are classified as homeless, three-quarters say they don't earn enough to cover their basic expenses and another 56% report concerns about getting evicted from their apartments - doesn’t make Bob Iger’s $65 million compensation package “insane.”  I was thinking “criminal” might be a much better term to use. And while Disneyland is known to all as the “Magic Kingdom,” I believe their true “magic” has to be their ability to pay so many employees sub-poverty wages, while somehow managing to convince the general public to pay upwar...

Alex Jones Blames Psychosis for His Sandy Hook Hoax Claims:   During the defamation lawsuits launched by Sandy Hook families against the years-long smear campaign Alex Jones and his Infowars show have waged against the families of the school massacre that took the lives of 26 children and educators, Jones surprised many by blaming it all on “a form of psychosis” - which he claims was caused by all the media lies and distortions he’s been exposed to over the years. Gee, last time Jones and his lawyers were in a courtroom, they were trying to claim he was just playing “a character” on Infowars.  Now, it appears his “character” has developed psychosis?  Well then, perhaps they had better take all “his character’s” guns away - before he ends up hurting somebody.  And he’s blaming it all on media lies and distortions?  Excuse me, but what ever happened to blaming everything on Obama and Hillary?  My question is, if Alex Jones really does have psycho...

Nicolas Cage Annuls Marriage to Bride With Criminal Past:   Nicolas Cage cited his wife’s criminal history, including multiple DUI’s and domestic violence arrests, and the fact that he was in a total blackout drunk when he married her, as reasons why he’s seeking to have his recent latest Las Vegas marriage to Erika Koike annulled after only four days. Call me a softy, but what a really touching story this is - about two lovely people who found each other in beautiful Las Vegas, proceeded to get hammered to the gills, and then got married in one of those quickie chapels.  Excuse me, but I’m tearing up a bit here.  Makes me wonder if he was also in a blackout drunk when he agreed to star in some of those movies he’s made? Now, not to be super critical of the guy, but if you ask me - Cage should have been suspicious something was a bit off-kilter about this woman right from the start.  I mean, all he had to do was just ask himself, “wait a minute, who the hel...

Federal Judge Rejects Trump’s Plan to End-Run Obamacare:   A federal judge in Washington has ruled that the Trump administration’s push to make health insurance plans available outside the Affordable Care Act that avoid even the minimal requirements of the health-care law is illegal, calling the efforts “clearly an end-run around the ACA.” Of course, I’m certain that our poor, befuddled President doesn’t quite understand why it is he can’t have this Federal Judge immediately removed from office and arrested for not ruling the way he wished.  I mean, doesn’t this idiot judge realize this ruling gets in the way of our President’s effort to brand himself and the Republicans as the “Party of Healthcare?”  Come on, the President has basically two skills, branding and lying - and this stupid ruling interferes with both.  Now you may ask, just what the hell is this Trump healthcare replacement plan anyway?  Well, simply imagine a plan, crafted by a group of...

Roseanne Barr Blames Sara Gilbert Tweet for Ruined Career:   Donald Trump supporter Roseanne Barr is back in the news again, this time directing all her anger and vitriol on former co-star Sara Gilbert, whom she says destroyed both her TV show and her life with a tweet critical of Roseanne’s racist comments about Valerie Jarrett - then comparing Gilbert to Hannibal Lecter. Gee, seems like it was only last week when Roseanne was blaming Michelle Obama for this whole mess.  And before that, she blamed her firing on anti-semitism over at ABC.  Of course, let us not forget, she originally blamed everything on the drug Ambien.  My, my - who knows who or what she’ll blame next?  My guess is - it will either be the athlete’s foot anti-fungal medication Tinactin, or the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of the former Austro-Hungarian Empire.  But then again, what the hell do I know about the Austro-Hungarian Empire?  That said, it’s dif...

Actors Show Different Brain Activity When in Character:   Using an MRI scanner, a trio of researchers from McMaster University in Canada found that thespians show different patterns of brain activity, depending on whether they are in character or not.   Scientists say the possible exceptions are Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris and Gary Busey, who appear to show very little or no brain activity period - whether they happen to be acting or not.   On the other hand, in order for them to test me - I’d first have to try and assume the persona of someone who doesn't become totally paranoid and claustrophobic when they have to crawl into an MRI machine. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com