You've Got to Be Kidding?

Conservative legal organization the Thomas More Society, has been working with Republican-led state legislatures and other national antiabortion groups in drafting model legislation which would prohibit people in states where abortions are banned - from seeking the procedure elsewhere. Gee, the party of small government says what?  It seems these MAGA Christians who wanna police women sure seem to have lots of time on their hands - not to mention plenty of money too!  So, apparently, a woman is going to have to provide proof she's not pregnant if she wants to travel to another state.  Let’s see, how would that work?   One thing these theocratic Christian states might do is force all of their “womenfolk” to get tattoos of their “state seal” on their arms.  You know, just like farmers do when they brand livestock.  That would sure make it a helluva lot easier for bounty hunters, when they search for escaped women in violation of the new “Fugitive Woman Act.” You see, in the eyes

USA Today reports that Rudy Giuliani’s son Andrew has been handily defeated by MAGA Long Island Congressman Lee Zeldin in the New York Republican gubernatorial primary.   This happened just days after Rudy Giuliani claimed to have been the victim of an “assassination attempt” by a supermarket employee while campaigning for Andrew. So, Andrew Giuliani has lost his Republican primary challenge for governor of…”New York, New York?”  Well, all I can say is “Start spreading the news,” or, as Rudy might put it “Start pouring the booze.”  Whatever!  The fact is, Andrew gave it that old college try, and I’d say he really deserves a great big “pat on the back” for that.  Oh, wait… I’ll tell you one thing, the Giuliani family has had a really rough week.  First, the attempted “assassination” on Rudy - and now this primary loss.  Why, we haven’t seen shit like this hit the fan since the “Bowling Green Massacre.”  It’s almost enough to make the black hair dye run right out of your whatever.  St

After making a speech at a recent Trump rally in Illinois, where she told the crowd that God “anointed" Donald Trump to become president, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) spoke to Real America's Voice about the Supreme Court's decision to overturn Roe v. Wade , arguing that former President Donald Trump was "prayed into office by millions of Americans,” supposedly so he could stack the Supreme Court with right-wing zealots who would then end federal abortion rights. Gee, now does she mean Trump was “prayed,” or “preyed” into office?”  Or, maybe even “paid into office?”  Whatever!  Anyway, there may actually be some validity in what Boebert is saying about Trump being put into office by a mysterious force, because as we all know - Trump lost the popular vote by 3 million votes, so he definitely wasn’t “voted” into office.  That’s for sure. Not to mention, one would think votes are much easier to count than prayers, but it appears Boebert and her pals have connections “in

Russian Orthodox Church Patriarch Kiril, an outspoken homophobic who has also been sanctioned for his support of Vladimir Putin’s deadly war in Ukraine, was caught on video falling and injuring his back after slipping on “Holy Water” during a recent religious ceremony.   According to a 2009 Forbes article, Kiril’s wealth was estimated to be between $4 and $8 billion. Oh my God!   Now, THAT was a real knee slapper.   The Lord sure works in hilarious ways.   Guess “Holy Water on a slippery floor” is kind of God’s answer to that old classic “slip on a banana peel” routine.   Bet that hurt like “hell.”   Why, the only thing missing in this video, are some “whistling sound effects” as he slides across the chapel floor. Now, if I were Patriarch Kiril, I think I’d be a little more cautious about all that hate spewing out that big fat mouth of his.  After all, next time - it might be a fucking lightning bolt.  In fact, rumor has that as he fell, Kiril was heard muttering under his breath “

With fellow members of the House “Freedom Caucus” looking on, Marjorie Taylor Greene took to the podium and declared that the fourteen Republican Senators who voted in favor of the gun bill should be voted out of office, basically because of their willingness to work with Democrats to pass legislation. Wow, they really ought to turn all this Republican Party turmoil into a video game - “MAGAs vs RINOs.”  Now, is it just me, or does it seem a little odd that a “Freedom Caucus,” wouldn’t allow their fellow Republicans the “freedom” to vote as they so choose on issues like gun legislation?  But, I get where Greene’s coming from on this.  After all, how dare these damn RINOs break party protocol - and show a shred of human decency!  Why, any evangelical can tell you God has forbidden people to hold opinions differing from Greene’s or Trump’s. That said, looking at this photo, it’s interesting to see how everyone in the “Freedom Caucus” is just standing quietly behind Marjorie Taylor G

Missouri Republican candidate for US Senate Eric Greitens has released an extremely violent and controversial new campaign ad that calls on MAGA supporters to “hunt down RINOs,” a term used by the extreme right which means “Republicans in Name Only.”   The ad features Greitens and an armed squad of militia members storming a house occupied by a “RINO,” and all of them opening fire as soon they enter the premises.   Greitens is a former Navy SEAL and disgraced Governor of Missouri, who was driven from office for sexual assault and campaign financing impropriety, as well as claims of physical abuse by his ex-wife. Now, I don’t know about you, but THAT is exactly what I'm looking for in an elected official.  Someone who, if I happen to disagree with any of their policies, will hunt me down, and then storm my house - backed up by a squadron of heavily armed militia madmen in tactical gear.  Of course, Attorney General Merrick Garland will simply laugh and say, “Relax!  He’s simply try

Ohio Republican Gov. Mike DeWine has just signed House Bill 99 into law, permitting teachers to carry a gun to class after just 24 hours of firearms training, compared with the more than 700 hours previously required.   This is in contrast to the 180 hours teachers need to renew their teaching licenses. Hell, I say forget arming the damn teachers, what they really need to do is arm all the kids.  Just think about it.  I mean, what could be more frightening for a potential school shooter, than to come face-to-face with 25 or 30 super hyped-up kindergarten kids, all packing fully-loaded Glocks?  Why, maybe instead of physical education, they could hold “High Noon” style shootouts in school hallways? Now, you can call me old-fashioned, but I always assumed teachers were there to teach, not act as armed security guards.  Are we seriously expecting a 55-year-old biology teacher to go full Rambo on a shooter?  On the other hand, I suppose even teachers barely trained in handling weapons,

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell announced on the right-wing network RSBN, that Walmart has informed him it has joined retailers such as Bed Bath & Beyond, Kohl's, H-E-B, and Wayfair - and will no longer sell his products.   Gee, Walmart has standards?  Who knew?  All I can say is, when you’re considered way too whacked-out for even Walmart customers, perhaps it’s time to go back on the meds Mike.  I hear the Walmart pharmacy has a sale going on for Thorazine.  I mean, when you've lost Walmart… This is actually pretty big news, because no one has their ear on all things “deplorable” more than Walmart.  Of course, Walmart doesn’t give a rat’s ass that Lindell tells lies about the election.  They only care that he generates negative publicity.  Frankly, the dude’s politics have gone so far to the right that at this point - he may as well just grow himself a Hitler mustache. So, where do you go when even a big supporter of right-wing causes like Walmart cancels you?  Four Season

The political action committee “American Muckrakers PAC,” the same organization that published those career-ending videos of Madison Cawthorn, now claims they’ve discovered that Colorado Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert used to be an "unlicensed, paid escort" who met with wealthy clients through the website SugarDaddyMeet.com, and that her escort work also allegedly resulted in her having two abortions.   They further claim that text messages also indicate she was bankrupt at the time and looking for some “side income” - labeling her escort work “pay to play.”   One client was allegedly a Koch family member who introduced her to Ted Cruz, who later encouraged her to run for political office and who donated at least $136,250.00 to the Boebert Congressional Campaign. Now, these are just allegations and naturally, Boebert is claiming they are all lies.  In fact, she recently indicated to Fox News that she may decide to sue.  Well, as they say, “Go ahead and sue” - because even i

US Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.) revealed that former Trump fundraiser Kimberly Guilfoyle was paid $60,000 for simply giving fiancée Donald Trump Jr. a three-minute introduction for his speech at the January 6th rally that preceded the Capitol riot.   Members of the Jan.6th Committee used this payout to demonstrate the misleading marketing effort and grift run by the Trump campaign, which raised roughly $250 million in the weeks following the Nov. 3rd election, with promises of “a massive legal effort to uncover voter fraud.” This - MAGA folks, is your “Stop the Steal” donations at work!  Let’s see now - $60,000.  That would be like 7500 MAGA Trump supporters donating a full hour of their Red State minimum wage salaries.  Now, in all fairness to Kimberly - coming up with nice things to say while introducing Don Jr., had to be really fucking hard work.   Besides, it seems like a bargain, especially when you consider Trump paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 for what also turned out to be j

After months of denials that Russia is driven by imperial ambitions in Ukraine, a new video shows Vladimir Putin appearing to embrace that concept - comparing himself to the 18th-century Russian tsar Peter the Great, drawing a parallel between what he portrayed as their twin historic quests to win back Russian lands.   Come on!  Putin’s no “Peter the Great.”  He’s just a “big dick.”  Hell, the way things have been going for him in Ukraine, he’s not even "Peter, the Modestly Successful.”  My guess is the whole thing stemmed from a big misunderstanding when Trump and he last met, and Trump tried to flatter Putin by telling him he had a “great Peter.” Now, who knows what kind of promises Trump made to Putin in secret, but word has it the Biden Administration has told Putin that there is “no way he’s ever gonna get Alaska back, but we will consider sending him Sarah Palin if he’d like."  Hell, why not?  Sarah’s basically been on his payroll for years now anyway.   Putin se

While ridiculing actor Matthew McConaughey for his impassioned White House speech about the mass school shooting that occurred in his hometown of Uvalde, Texas, Newsmax host Grant Stinchfield blasted all attempts at gun control measures, and instead urged parents to buy ballistic shields for their kids, which he claims will easily fit inside their children's backpacks. Oh, I get it, “ballistic shields” are fine, but COVID face masks will psychologically traumatize them for life.  Gee, that reminds me, I just saw a pic of a bunch of “open carry” freaks showing off at some Texas beach this week.  So, does that mean parents should pick up some “ballistic swim armor” too?  Wait, that sounds like it could turn into a “Catch 22.”  See, if the kids don’t wear the “swim armor,” they might get shot - but if they do wear it, they’ll probably drown.  Decisions, decisions! Gee, now that makes you wonder just when are we gonna finally " well regulate " that darn militia, anyway?  

Republicans appear to be on the defensive after all the recent mass killings, while continuing to offer the same tired old excuses for the carnage - including “too many doors in buildings, Dr. Fauci and face masks, wokeness, women winning the right to vote, video games, Critical Race Theory, transgender bathrooms, abortions, and the end of slavery.”   All this has Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert so upset, that he’s put out a video where he’s shouting at Democrats “How dare you?   You think we don’t have hearts?”   He went on to falsely claim most gun deaths occur in Democratically controlled states, when the opposite is actually true. Not a surprising conclusion I suppose, especially coming from a guy who once suggested that all we really need to do to fight climate change, is simply “alter the Earth's orbit.”  So no, Rep. Gohmert, it is not so much that we’re questioning whether or not you have a “heart.”  It’s more like we’re questioning whether you have a “functioning brain.”

Kari Lake, the MAGA Republican candidate for governor of Arizona, is proposing that the US implement a two-tiered citizenship system, whereby the people who do not believe the 2020 election was stolen, should lose their status as full Americans - harkening back to the days of the 1787 “Three-Fifths Compromise.” Gee willikers, if I’m reading this correctly, it sounds like she wants citizenship to become sort of like a “subscription service.”  Now, my first thought was, “this woman is completely insane.”  Which, of course, makes her the perfect person to run as a Republican.  Then I remembered that I had better show some respect.  After all, the way things are going, she'll be the next Governor of Arizona. Fact is, Kari Lake is considered a hard-core MAGA sycophant, with endorsements from the likes of Michael Flynn, Paul Gosar, Mike Lindell, and Donald Trump himself.  Meanwhile, a few sane citizens in Arizona are begging people to vote for anyone, as long as it isn’t Kari Lake. 

NPR reports that at least 5 people, including the shooter, are dead at the St. Francis Medical Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma - in the nation’s 233rd mass shooting of 2022.   Police say the shooter had a rifle and a handgun on him, and died following a self-inflicted gunshot wound. So, the gunman killed 4 people and then took his own life?  Gee, why is it these morons always seem to do everything in the wrong order?  Naturally, Republicans’ first question is “Forget about the people, are the guns OK?”  Not surprisingly, the gun told authorities it’s completely innocent, claiming it was the “bullets” that did all the damage. Now, I assume because this shooting took place at a medical facility, folks like Marjorie Taylor Greene and the Republicans are gonna blame everything on Obamacare .  Which kind of makes you wonder, where the hell were “the good nurses with a gun” when all this came down?  See, this is what can happen when you have a “gun-free” medical center. Well, perhaps this ti