You've Got to Be Kidding?

In a tense exchange with CBS Evening News’ Norah O’Donnell, Florida Gov. and Republican presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis said he wouldn't rule out launching missiles into Mexico to combat drug cartels shipping drugs into this country if elected president.   This wasn’t the first time DeSantis has threatened the use of military force against Mexico.   At the presidential debate in August, DeSantis said he would send U.S. special forces over the border.   When asked if troops would be allowed to shoot migrants crossing the border, the governor said: “A woman carrying a baby would not be the focus, but when somebody’s got a ‘backpack on,’ and they’re breaking through the wall, you know that’s hostile intent, and you have every right to take action under those circumstances.” Wait, the little Floridian dictator said what?   Now, let’s see.   So far, DeSantis has declared war on teachers teaching history, LGBTQ+ folks, drag queens, free speech, women’s healthcare, e...

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

I n keeping with Gov. Ron DeSantis’ wish to eradicate “Woke” from the state’s Public School System, the Florida Board of Education has just voted to approve an addition to the American history curriculum, which will also teach students about the “benefits of slavery.”   This new standard for teaching means Middle School students in Florida will now be taught a new curriculum that will promote the idea that slavery gave black people “skills” which could also be “used for their personal benefit.” And now a word from our Republican US Supreme Court - “Hi, my name is Clarence Thomas - and I approve this curriculum!”  Next up for the Florida school system, “How Auschwitz developed successful weight loss techniques.”   Hell, instead of reparations, as other states are considering, descendants of slaves living in Florida can soon expect to receive an “invoice” from the state to cover the costs of their descendant’s “apprenticeship training.” Now, with regard to slaves being taug...

In a video he posted to Twitter, Sen Rick Scott (R-Fla) issued a travel warning for those coming to Florida, proclaiming, "If you're socialist, communist, or somebody that believes in big government (read liberal), I would think twice, think twice - if you're thinking about taking a vacation or moving to Florida!”   Scott then added, “We're all about freedom here in Florida.   And if your politics don't align, you're not free to come here.” Wait!  The guy who was fined $1.7 billion for Medicare fraud and who took the 5th a full 75 times said what?   So, its Sen. Scott who gets to decide who can come to Florida, eh?   I didn’t realize Rick Scott owned Florida.   And discouraging potential tourists from visiting Florida?   What a genius strategy!   I mean, its not like Florida gets a lot of revenue from tourism, or anything like that.   I tell ya, these MAGA politicians are nobody’s dummies.   My question is, how do Florida Republican poli...

So, it seems Donald Trump isn't the only Republican candidate for president who spent Memorial Day vowing to crush his political enemies.   While appearing on Fox and Friends, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was asked, “Why is right now the time for Ron DeSantis to run for President?”   The Florida Governor responded by saying, “Because I will serve two terms, and I will destroy leftism in this country.” Wait - the hateful little bigot who is currently getting his ass kicked by Mickey Mouse said what?  Now, whoa there, Miami Mussolini!   Is it just me, or does this resentful little prick have about as much broad appeal as a bowl of rotten fruit?   He should remember the rest of the country isn’t fucking Florida.   You see, unlike Ponce de Leon, Ron DeSantis isn’t interested in finding Florida’s “Fountain of Youth.”   Instead, he headed straight for the “Fountain of Hate,” and has hopes to bathe the rest of the country in its nasty waters. I mean, what’...

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has just signed Senate Bill 1580, the “Protections of Medical Conscience,” into law, allowing Florida healthcare providers and insurance companies to refuse services based on their moral, ethical, or religious beliefs.   That’s right, folks; patients in Florida will soon be facing denial of care or insurance payment for almost anything if some medical professional or insurance company claims they have a moral objection.   You know, like if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, or perhaps you’re of the wrong religion or political beliefs, or maybe you’re an “unwed mother.” Holy shit, who the hell lobbied for this bill, anyway?  The Undertakers?   Talk about “Death Panels!”   I mean, only Florida and Gov. DeSantis could turn Doctors practicing the cherished “Hippocratic Oath” into a bunch of “Hypocritic Oafs.”   Of course, insurance companies are all in for this new law.   Turns out they’re “morally opposed” to any medical proced...

Florida Republican state Senator Jason Brodeur has just introduced a new bill to require bloggers who write about Governor Ron DeSantis and other members of the Florida executive cabinet or legislature to “register with the state, report their sources of income, or face heavy fines.” Gee, I wonder if this bill also includes a guy named Donald Trump, because my guess is he's about to spew some pretty nasty shit about Gov. DeSantis in the coming months.   Anyway, let me guess.   I’m supposed to hand in a draft of any blog I write to those burley guys in the brownshirts - before I can publish it?   Now, this might come as kind of a shock, but perhaps someone ought to mention to Gov. DeSantis and his thugs that with this new-fangled thing they call the internet, you really don’t have to physically be in Florida in order to blog about it. But we get it!  The new Ron DeSantis mantra for Florida is, “Register Writers, Not Guns!”   Now, not to be critical, but that real...

Republican state senator Blaise Ingoglia, a Gov. DeSantis pal, has introduced a slick new bill that would completely eliminate the Democratic Party in Florida if it were to get signed into law.   The bill would direct the Florida Division of Elections to "immediately cancel the filings of a political party, to include its registration and approved status as a political party if the party's platform has previously advocated for, or been in support of, slavery or involuntary servitude.”   As we all know, Lincoln was a Republican, and it was primarily “Southern Democrats” who advocated for slavery during the American Civil War.   After the Confederacy was soundly defeated, the Democrats in the South then promoted segregation right up to the Civil Rights Movement, at which time those “Dixiecrats” switched sides and became Republicans, all as part of Nixon’s “Southern Strategy.” Now, regardless of all the icky political implications of this shenanigan, I have to admit that my ...

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis isn’t stopping his attack on Florida education by simply prohibiting Black History Classes; he’s now trying to require school girls to report their menstrual information to the state before they will be permitted to participate in school sports.   In fact, a subcommittee of the FHSAA just voted to make it mandatory that female athletes answer these questions if they want to participate in school athletics: When was your most recent menstrual period? How much time do you usually have from the start of one period to the start of another? How many periods have you had in the last year? What was the longest time between periods in the last year? They then want kids to upload all this information to a third-party platform that is not bound by HIPAA - where the information could be forced to be disclosed under subpoena, which could result in making the girls’ menstrual information public. Well, given how intent the governor seems to be about monitor...

CNN is reporting that according to a new study, fish off the coast of Florida have tested positive for a cocktail of pharmaceutical drugs, including blood pressure medications and anti-depressants.   In fact, the study found that each of the 93 fish it tested, had an average of seven drugs in their system. Gee, Florida fish are on blood pressure meds and antidepressants?  Who knew the fish were depressed?  Well, can’t say as I blame them.  After all, they’re living in Florida.  So, forget “Florida Man,” because we now have “Florida Fish!”  Florida Republicans, on the other hand, say this is really nothing anyone needs to be concerned about, just as long as these fish aren’t being taught “Critical Race Theory.”  Naturally, this report has environmentalists pleading “For the love of Cod, something needs to be done about this!”  In response, the Governor signed his “No Pills for Gills” executive order and told Floridians not to worry, because "We'...

Axios reports the Florida State Senate has just advanced a bill being referred to as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, which allows parents to sue teachers for not telling parents about any teaching decisions that could “critically affect a student's mental, emotional or physical health, or wellbeing.”   The bill prohibits teachers from explaining to kids younger than ten “what homosexuality is,” but as written - could also include things such as “the trauma of receiving a vegetarian lunch” that the child didn't ask for. Gee, I guess in these folk’s minds, if you don't discuss homosexuality - then it simply doesn't exist.  Just like if you don’t take a COVID or a pregnancy test, then you can’t possibly be either COVID positive or pregnant.  Remember, it was none other than Donald Trump who once told staffers to stop the testing for COVID, and we’ll have far fewer cases to report.  That kind of logic’s pretty darn hard to argue with. Anyway, I’m certainly no legal eagle...

In a move voting rights advocates fear would be used to “intimidate voters” if it became law, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced a plan to establish a - first of its kind in the US - “special police force” called the “Office of Election Crimes and Security,” to oversee elections within the state of Florida.   This special force would be stationed at unspecified “field offices throughout the state” and act on tips from “government officials or any other person.” Wait, Trump’s “Mini-Me” wants to do what?  That said, I do get where Gov. DeSantis is coming from on this.  After all, in those 2020 elections, too many “eligible” voters were able to cast votes for Democrats, and Republicans vow “not to let that s**t happen again.”  Why, how can it be considered a “fair” election, if Democrats are allowed to vote too?  And, let’s not forget all those pesky minorities, who also insist on voting.   Besides, what’s the big deal?  Gov. DeSantis doesn’t have a...

CBS News reports that Republican state legislators in Florida are considering a bill that would put cameras in classrooms, and force teachers to wear microphones, so parents can monitor the lessons that students are being taught.   Republicans defend the move by claiming classrooms are not teachers’ “private space.” Wait - the party of “government should stay out of people's lives” - says what?  Wow, seems as if good old Gov. Ron DeSantis and his MAGA pals are actually “out North Korea-ing,” the North Koreans.  Why, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Kim Jong-un, sues the State of Florida for copyright infringement. Hell, and while they’re at it, they may as well mandate teachers wear “shock collars” also.  That way, should a teacher happen to say something which MAGA parents, Evangelicals, or Republicans don’t completely approve of, a little jolt of electricity will immediately “remind” teachers not to venture too far off the “approved party line.” One thing’s fo...

After going missing for nearly two weeks as Florida continues to set records for new coronavirus infections, and with his spokesperson giving conflicting accounts as to where he might be, Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis finally resurfaced on stage New Years Eve at a Sean Feucht MAGAchurch superspreader event, to accept an award for his “courage” in opposing mask mandates and COVID vaccines.   Gee whiz, wonder which MAGAchurch that was?  Must have been the “Branch Covidians.”  So, Gov. DeSantis just disappears for nearly two weeks, right in the middle of a health crisis, does he?  Wonder where could he have DeGone?  Why, it’s almost as if he didn’t give a good DeF**k about Floridians during DePandemic? So, where was Ron DeSantis?  Could the Deep State have abducted him, only for him to somehow manage to escape and show up just in time to collect his “award” at this News Years Eve superspreader event?  Why, it seems almost Biblical if you ask...

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has just announced the “Stop the Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees” Act (aka the ‘WOKE Act’), a legislative proposal that would encourage citizens to spy on teachers in the classroom, and then sue them and their school district if they felt the school is teaching an “aspect” of Critical Race Theory (CRT).   Critics say this law could make it extremely difficult for educators to teach students subjects such as civics and history.   So, Gov. DeSantis wants teachers and school districts to get sued if students and parents don’t like what schools are teaching?  Why, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think Florida Republicans are pulling a slick little “cancel culture” move there.  Why, it’s almost like “ye who doth protest too much.”   Anyway, I do have to admit that this DeSantis fellow really has things all figured out.  Why, under his genius legislation, DeSantis has things set up so Florida taxpayers, will basically be “sui...

Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis put a second-grade girl on camera at Fox News, to warn viewers about the horrific dangers of wearing a COVID mask.   After prompting from DeSantis, the little girl recited her rehearsed line proclaiming “I'm not wearing a mask because you touch it and you get germs on your hand and then you put it on your face and breath in all the germs.” Now, wait a minute!  Kids are constantly touching their faces - whether they’re masked or not.  So, how the hell is forgoing wearing a mask supposed to stop them from transporting germs from their hands to their face?  Frankly, I’m surprised DeSantis doesn’t order teachers to tie these kids’ hands behind their backs - in order to nip this damn hand to face germ transmission - right in the bud.  Of course, what Gov. DeSantis doesn’t tell you is that when you’re only seven years old, chances are you’re probably way more concerned about getting “cooties” than COVID.  Anyway, I wond...

Citing exhaustion and frustration with the barrage of unvaccinated patients in their care, seventy-five doctors from various hospitals in South Florida staged a protest over their hospitals being flooded with willfully unvaccinated COVID patients, making it nearly impossible to treat anyone else.  In response, right-wing talk show host Ben Shapiro warned that if these doctors have their way about who gets treated, the next thing you know, they’ll be coming for “the obese.” Oh, my gosh!  Now, I see exactly what Ben’s trying to warn us about.  Why, it’s the old adage “First, they came for the Big Macs, and I said nothing…” all over again.  I can just hear all those MAGA Trump supporters shouting their new mantra at the top of their lungs “They’ll have to pry that Big Mac from my cold, dead, big, fat, ugly, greasy fingers!” Anyway, speaking of obesity, about the only real difference between MAGA Trump supporters, the Proud Boys, right-wing militia groups, and the ...

Facing criticism over his anti-mask mandates, as his state is leading the nation with nearly 20% of all new US coronavirus cases, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis first accused the media of hysteria and fear-mongering, then blamed Mexican immigrants for the spike in COVID cases and deaths.   DeSantis went on to declare wearing face masks - a “symbol of tyranny and child abuse.” No kidding?  The governor of Florida is worried about his Mexican border?  Who knew they had one?  I sure didn’t, but then again - I never took a geography class in Florida.  That said, apparently asking questions about Florida’s massive COVID infection rates, must be a real sore spot for the governor.  Why, that has Gov. DeSantis so mad, it’s almost like he's “bleeding out of his whatever.”   Anyway, I guess Gov. DeSantis is a believer in that old adage, “when the going gets tough, the tough blame Mexicans.”  And boy, is this little Trump wannabe - ever trying to be the to...

After labeling educational institutions as “intellectually repressive environments,” Gov. Ron DeSantis signed legislation requiring students, faculty and staff at Florida's public universities and colleges to register their political views with the state, as a way to encourage what they claim is "intellectual diversity.”   The measure, which goes into effect July 1st, also allows for funding to be cut to colleges and universities found to be "indoctrinating" students. Gee, who knew they’d elected Kim Jong-un governor of Florida?  All I can say is, so much for Republicans pretending they’re opposed to the “thought police.”  Frankly, I’m not sure why they’re so worried about “indoctrination” in the classroom anyway.  Hell, no card-carrying Trump supporter is gonna wanna waste their time going to college .  Not when they already know everything anyway!  And, even if they didn’t - what the hell do you suppose Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson are there for? ...