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Florida to Require Students and Faculty to Register Their Political Views with the State


After labeling educational institutions as “intellectually repressive environments,” Gov. Ron DeSantis signed legislation requiring students, faculty and staff at Florida's public universities and colleges to register their political views with the state, as a way to encourage what they claim is "intellectual diversity.”  The measure, which goes into effect July 1st, also allows for funding to be cut to colleges and universities found to be "indoctrinating" students.

Gee, who knew they’d elected Kim Jong-un governor of Florida?  All I can say is, so much for Republicans pretending they’re opposed to the “thought police.”  Frankly, I’m not sure why they’re so worried about “indoctrination” in the classroom anyway.  Hell, no card-carrying Trump supporter is gonna wanna waste their time going to college.  Not when they already know everything anyway!  And, even if they didn’t - what the hell do you suppose Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson are there for?


That said, Gov. DeSantis will be the first to tell you that programs like Black Studies, Women's Studies, Asian Studies, Anthropology, Native American Studies, History, the Arts, Literature, Science, Journalism, etc. - are pure propaganda!  Why, most people studying all that crap, sure aren’t gonna elect Republicans.  What Floridians need is a “well-rounded education.”  You know, the kind you get from places like Liberty University.


Now, as Gov. DeSantis explains it, “contrary to what’s currently being taught in colleges and universities, plenty of people here in Florida believe the Earth is 6000 years old, that COVID-19 is nothing but a liberal hoax, and that professional wrestling is real.  Why aren’t these folks beliefs being respected and taught in our schools, right along with all that sciencey mumble-jumble?”  


So you see my friends, that is precisely why Gov. DeSantis needs to register all these suspicious characters.  We’ve got to make sure everyone’s point of view is covered - no matter how insane it may be.  Now, some of you may ask, then why not also require people to register deadly weapons such as their AR-15s, to which Florida Republicans respond “absolutely not - that’s tyranny!”


Johnny Robish Comedy

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