You've Got to Be Kidding?

Florida Man Slams Pizza in Dad’s Face for Delivering Him at Birth:   An angry Florida man has been arrested by police for shoving a freshly delivered pizza into his father’s face after learning it was his father who delivered him at birth. Now wait a minute - this story just doesn’t make any sense!  I mean, we don’t even know what toppings were on the pizza?  And am I to believe this entire situation can simply be summed up by the phrase - “ when your son, hits your eye, with a big pizza pie - that’s the story? ”    To add to the mystery, police say they still have no idea why the son would become so upset to learn his father delivered him.  But let’s keep in mind that this is Florida, so it’s always a pretty safe bet to assume that crystal meth was somewhere in the mix.  All I know is, after reading this story, I'm kind of upset that anybody delivered this kid. Of course, in Florida logic, they’re probably thinking “the father delivere...

Millennials Blamed for Falling Sales of Canned Tuna:   According to recent U.S. Department of Agriculture data, finicky millennial tastes may be one of the primary reasons why canned tuna sales have fallen so dramatically in recent years - with StarKist executive Andy Mecs complaining that “a lot of millennials don’t even own can openers.” And while I can’t speak for the millennial’s distaste for canned tuna, I can report that my cat still seems to enjoy the delicacy.  Now if I were “Big Tuna,” rather than target those canned tuna ads toward millennials, I’d address all future marketing toward their cats.  Hell, when you consider all the money being spent on cat products every year, I think we can safely conclude that cats have more disposable income than millennials do anyway.     Of course, another solution to declining sales might be to start marketing the tuna as “gluten-free.”  Do that and you’d instantly have every hipster from Maine to S...