You've Got to Be Kidding?

Attorney General Barr Likens Mail-In Voting to Playing with Fire:   In a testy interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer,   Attorney General William Barr echoed President Trump’s attacks on widespread use of mail-in ballots during the pandemic, calling them “playing with fire.” Wow, I really appreciate the heads-up Mr. Attorney General.  Luckily for America, President Trump, Attorney General Barr and Postmaster General Louis DeJoy have all put their heads together, and have come up with a solution to this horrifying mail-in threat to our democracy - destroy the Post Office. Of course, the Attorney General really does have a valid point here.  After all, just because widespread voter fraud hasn't happened yet, even though millions of mail-in ballots have been cast since the Civil War, doesn’t mean there’s absolutely no possibly it could ever could.   Now, if I were Attorney General Barr, I would tried to further bolster my argument with that pesky Wolf Blitz...

Trump Promotes Conspiracy About Plane Entirely Filled with Antifa Thugs:   As he continues to slide in the polls, President Trump has been frequently relying on outrageous conspiracy theories, in an effort to define rival Joe Biden as simply a “front” for lawless anarchists, with an agenda controlled “by people in dark shadows.” In fact, during a recent interview with Fox News host Laura Ingraham, President Trump claimed a friend of his was on a plane - entirely filled with thugs in dark uniforms.  It was obvious these folks were looters, anarchists, rioters, and people who were looking for trouble - and all of them were headed to Republican National Convention, with the sole intention to “wreak havoc.” Holy cow!  It sounds like Trump’s poor friend must have accidentally boarded an “Antifa Airlines” flight.  That said, I have heard that travel agents will tell you that Antifa Air does have some of the best connections of anyone - especially, for those looking fo...

DHS Threatens to Send Federal Law Enforcement Into Portland:   After a far right protester, part of a heavily armed 600-vehicle caravan of white nationalist Trump supporters who entered Portland with plans to confront BLM protestors, was fatally shot - acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf has been threatening to send in federal law enforcement to confront the BLM protesters - even though Portland officials warn sending in the Feds will only further inflame tensions. Now, let’s see here.  President Trump makes a series of inflammatory speeches, which dog whistle his cult’s white nationalist storm troopers to head into Portland for the sole purpose of using the threat of violence to try and intimidate BLM protesters - and then he blames all the chaos on city officials?  I mean, gee whiz - who could have ever imagined that a heavily armed contingent of angry white nationalists, coming into town with loaded weapons, intent on confronting Black Lives Matter demons...

Trump’s Vancouver Hotel Files for Bankruptcy:  The parent company which owns one of President Trump’s newest hotels, the Trump International Hotel in Vancouver, a facility run and managed by the Trump Organization - has filed for bankruptcy, just three years after it opened. Well now, that’s completely understandable.  Let’s face it, Vancouver, Canada isn’t exactly what you would call a good fit for the Trump brand.  After all, Canada is still considered a “democracy.”  Let’s not forget that everything Trump touches, soon dies - including America.  Ironically, according to the promotional video, Eric Trump called Vancouver “one of the great cities of the world,” and “a place that’s so fitting for the Trump brand.”  Well - yes it is , and apparently - no, it wasn’t .”  Gee, and to think all this time, I was under the impression that “bankruptcy” was actually the “Trump brand.”  Silly me! Anyway, I think I’ve actually got an idea that just mig...

Republicans Cast Trump as the Best Choice for Women:   Republicans used the GOP convention this week to appeal directly to female voters, with prominent Republican women like White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany - attempting to portray the President as an “advocate for women” as he faces an overwhelming gender gap in his uphill battle for reelection. Well…I’m not so sure about how much the President can be considered an “advocate for women,” but I do know he’s always been a huge supporter of hookers, porn stars and female escorts.  I suppose that oughta count for something.  Of course, the only way we’ll ever really know for sure, is to wait until Sean Hannity finally comments on the issue. Not surprisingly, McEnany, Mike Pence and other Republicans, say this election boils down to nothing less than a choice between the Democrat’s far-left socialist agenda, one hell-bent on destroying America - and Donald Trump, who’s been busy protecting and preserving the “ ...

Trump Demands Biden Be Drug Tested Before Their Presidential Debate:   In a recent Oval Office interview, President Trump indicated he will insist that drug tests be administered before next month’s first presidential debate between he and Joe Biden, claiming (without evidence), that the sudden improvement in Biden’s last primary debate performance - may very well be attributed to drugs administered to him before the debate. Drug tests?  Great idea Mr President!  Hell, the debate’s moderator could start everything off - by directing both candidates to pee into a cup behind their podiums.  Of course, as usual - we’ll insist Mexico pay for all the testing.  And, while we’re at it, Biden should demand they also get STD tested.  That ought to shake things up in the Trump camp a bit.  Of course, an argument could be made that anyone who still supports Donald Trump at this stage of the game, is definitely on something that is affecting their judgem...

Trump Portrayed as Lifesaving Coronavirus Hero at Republican Convention:   At the Republican National Convention, President Trump was hailed as a bold and lifesaving leader, who who stood up to the virus, while Democrats, doctors and pundits got it all wrong from the beginning, downplaying the severity of the virus.   Great point Republicans!  And, let us not forget that Donald Trump was also the courageous hero, who led us to victory in Vietnam.  I mean, if you listen to the Democrats long enough, you’ll walk away thinking that while Americans soldiers were dying on the battlefield, draft dodger Donald Trump - was busy cheating his way through college and getting setup in business by his rich daddy.   Besides, senior Republican officials have already declared the coronavirus loss of life figures as - “acceptable.”  That means it’s time to move on folks!  So, let us all join the Reverend Jerry Falwell Jr., Jim Bakker and other white evangelicals, ...

US Mint Asks Americans to Help Tackle Widespread Coin Shortages:  The director of the U.S. Mint is asking Americans to help fight widespread coin shortages, by using exact change for purchases and exchanging the coins you have stashed away, for cash at banks or kiosks - actions that would help improve the massive breakdown in coin circulation. Well, I never thought I’d live to see the day when it finally would come to this.  I mean, to think that the US Government under Donald Trump is now so broke, they’ve started asking folks if they have “any spare change?” Why, if they try and hit me up for some change, I’ll just tell ‘em “I gave at the office.”   Besides, what the hell do I care?  I almost never use coins for anything anyway.  Hey US Mint - “here’s a quarter , call somebody who gives a crap.”  But in all fairness, I’m also someone who only believes in conducting business transactions through bartering in “ colorful feathers or cowrie snail shells ”...

Asteroid Headed Toward Earth a Day Before the November Elections:   In case you haven’t had enough excitement this year, NASA just announced that an asteroid is headed towards Earth, and is expected to arrive one day before the U.S. elections take place in November, though it’s believed the probability of it actually hitting Earth is relatively small.   In fact, even less than the Post Office delivering your mail-in ballot on time. Really?  Now, just what in the hell are we supposed to do about an asteroid heading our way?  Hey, I got an idea!  Wonder if the President could talk Putin into poisoning it?  Either that, or have Trump break out one of his famous sharpies - and simply change the asteroid’s trajectory.  Anyway, not to be negative about 2020 or anything, but now humanity is gonna be forced to figure out how to rid ourselves of one big asteroid and one big asshole - and all in just 24 hours!  And, while I’m certainly no expert on th...

Trump Says He Appreciates the Support of QAnon Conspiracy Theorists:   When pressed by a reporter about QAnon supporters believing he is secretly saving the world from a cult of pedophiles and cannibals led by Hillary Clinton and several Hollywood celebrates, a baseless theory which the FBI has flagged as a potential domestic terrorist threat, President Trump gave credence to the theory when he shot back - claiming he didn’t know much about them, but “how it can be a bad thing, saving the world from a Satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals?” Wow, I had no idea that "crazy" had now become such an important Republican voter block in America?  No wonder Republicans vehemently oppose any funding designed to address mental health issues in this country.  I mean, if troubled people started regaining their mental health again, Republicans might lose voters.  Now, in his defense, President Trump did deny knowing very much about these QAnon people, but said he appreciates t...

Source:  BBC.com Senate Report Labels Trump 2016 Campaign a Grave Counterintelligence Threat:   A newly released exhaustive investigation, which was run by members of President Trump’s own political party, is portraying the President’s 2016 campaign as a “grave security threat” to the United States of America, because of its myriad connections to Moscow, eagerness to exploit assistance from the Kremlin, and determination to conceal the full extent of its conduct. As soon as the report became public, many Americans soon began to wonder just how any Republicans could still be supportive of this “band of traitors?”  Well, the answer is, the Republican Party is actually a very big tent…for traitors. Meanwhile, some are even suggesting that Trump and his cohorts, ought be tried and then hung on the White House lawn - for treason.  Of course, no one knows if Trump will ever be hung.  But, one thing we do know is - he’ll never be well-hung .  At least, according...

President Brings in New Doctor to Advise Him on COVID-19 Response:   As tensions grow between the President and Doctors Fauci and Birx, President Trump announced that he’s decided to bring in Fox News Channel’s Dr. Scott Atlas to advise him on the Covid-19 pandemic, even though Dr. Atlas has no expertise in either public health or infectious diseases. So, as we all knew it would, our pandemic response has basically come down to a “calling Dr Howard, Dr Fine, Dr Howard” situation.  Of course, and in all fairness, the President really had no choice in selecting Dr. Atlas, given that Dr Mengele has been dead for so long now. Meanwhile, Trump justified his decision to appoint someone with no infectious disease qualifications, by pointing out that Dr. Atlas is "a very famous man” and “he thinks what we’ve done is really good.” Well, that certainly makes good sense, but damn - it also reminds me of what a golden opportunity I missed to get some solid Covid-19 advice from my p...

Trump Declines to Denounce QAnon Conspiracy Theory:  After QAnon proponent Marjorie Taylor Greene won the Republican primary for Georgia’s 14th Congressional District, President Trump tweeted his congratulations and called her “a future Republican star.”   When asked by AP reporter Jill Colvin specifically about QAnon, all the President would say is “well, she’s very popular” and that “she won by a lot.” Actually, the correct answer to Ms, Colvin’s question is quite simple…the folks who believe in QAnon - also see Trump as a kind of "messiah figure."  And, when you couple that with the fact that “ Trump also sees Trump as a messiah figure” - what’s not for him to like? Now, the big conspiracy theory fostered by QAnon, is that Hillary Clinton and certain Hollywood celebrities - are the masterminds behind a extremely secretive, massive, sex-trafficking pedophile ring.   All I can say to that is, the very idea that Donald Trump is somehow a “ hero” in the fight...

Postal Service Warns States Delays May Disenfranchise Millions of Voters:  Anticipating an avalanche of absentee ballots along with Trump’s refusal to send the agency any emergency funding, the U.S. Postal Service is sending out detailed letters to 46 states and Washington D.C., warning it cannot guarantee all ballots cast by mail for the November election will arrive in time to be counted - which would basically leave tens of millions of voters disenfranchised. All politics aside, when Trump warns everyone about how this election promises to be the most rigged and fraudulent ever , he is absolutely correct.  Of course, what he doesn’t mention is - he will be the one orchestrating it. Compounding the problem, Postal Service whistleblowers warn that management has been sabotaging their efforts to keep the mail flowing, by removing tons of mailboxes, as well as shutting down and dismantling numerous mail sorting machines.   For heaven’s sake, how can this be happeni...

Trump Admits Blocking Postal Service Funding to Prevent Mail-In Voting:  President Trump admitted Thursday that he’s been blocking U.S. Postal Service funding because Democrats seek to expand mail-in voting during the coronavirus pandemic, making it crystal clear why he’s declined to approve $25 billion needed in emergency aid for the cash-strapped agency. Good grief, am I hearing things, or did Trump just say what’s supposed to be the “quiet part,” right out loud?”  Why, even Bond villains know not to do that.  Come on, voter suppression is a federal crime.  Of course, I suppose committing a federal crime isn’t really a big deal - when you control the courts, the DOJ, and the US Senate.    But, even if they did decide to bring charges, Trump is so completely insane - I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to become a federal witness and offer to testify against himself - hoping to get into a federal “Witness Protection Program. Ironically, Trump’s been c...

Newsmax is the New Landing Spot for Ultraconservative Cable News Personalities:   Newsmax is quickly becoming the new home base for scores of ultraconservative cable news personalities, who’s extremist views and trash mouths kept them in constant hot water at their previous places of employment. Oh yeah, I remember Newsmax.  That’s the website that once sold T‑shirts, advocating the killing of journalists.  Newsmax is the new home for former Fox News personalities, who felt that “lying to listeners" just isn’t enough - and that you also need to incite violence.  And folks, it appears Newsmax has been busy raiding the Fox News trash dumpster once again - which means get ready for even more wackos to hit the airwaves. And, surprise, surprise!  I mean, who knew that former trolls, have now reached the status of "news personalities.”  Well, they sure have - right here on this “White Trash Network.  And, who can blame them?  After all, not everyone ...

Fox News Host Shocked To Learn Children Can Also Get COVID-19:   Referring to a new report which found that in last two weeks of July, more than 97,000 children tested positive for the coronavirus,” an astonished Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt remarked ”that was such a shock to me, because I had heard kids really don’t get it.” No, Ms. Earhardt - I pretty sure it’s you and not the children who “really don’t get it.”  Now, in all fairness, it’s really not her fault.  After all, being well-informed is not exactly a job requirement for hosting a show over at Fox News.  On the other hand, being blonde is - and, she’s certainly well-qualified on that count. Now, as to what she should do about finding herself to be totally ignorant about coronavirus facts like “children can also get the coronavirus,” about the only thing I can think to suggest to her is…“stop watching FOX News!” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Secret Service Shoots Someone Outside White House:   President Trump was forced to suddenly exit his coronavirus briefing Monday evening, amid reports that the Secret Service had shot an armed gunman outside the White House grounds, who was then transported to the hospital. Gee, a gunman outside the White House?  I don’t get it - Trump is beloved by everyone.  Had to have been either Hunter Biden or Hillary Clinton.  So, I guess that means the President is back "inspecting" his bunker again.  Let’s hope Pence is keeping it well stocked. Of course, these days - if a female reporter asks a tough question or a stray cat runs across the White House lawn, Trump heads directly to his bunker.  Anyway, Trump is fine and returned to the podium in just 10 minutes.  All it took was a quick change of his soiled pants and he was back in action - ready to go. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Intelligence Data Indicates Russia Actively Trying to Interfere in US Election:  New intelligence data show that while China may actually “prefer” Joe Biden over Donald Trump, China’s efforts are more like classic spying, while Russia is “actively working” to meddle in our elections on Trump’s behalf.   When cornered about the issue, White House National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien admitted Russia is trying to interfere, but added that “it’s not just Russia, the Chinese don’t want the President reelected.”    Perhaps, but I got some bad news for O’Brien.  Roughly two thirds of Americans, and probably 90% of the rest of the world - don’t want to see Trump reelected either.  Besides, Trump is doing more then China could ever dream of, to sabotage himself.  Hell, not only does Trump not wanna prevent foreign election tampering, he’s actually counting on it.   The fact is, while Chinese leaders may “prefer" Joe Biden over Donald Trump, their ...

Trump Pledges to Permanently Cut Taxes That Fund Social Security and Medicare:  In one of his most controversial moves yet, President Trump said if he wins reelection in November, he will implement a permanent cut to the payroll taxes which fund Social Security and Medicare - cuts which experts call a very serious threat for the future of two our country’s main safety nets. Gee whiz, cutting off the taxes that fund Social Security and Medicare?  You can bet that likely has poor FDR rolling over in his grave!  Which is kind of a shame, because I suspect at this point, most Americans would much prefer that it was Donald Trump doing the all rolling. Anyway, I guess what his grand scheme boils down to is this - if the virus doesn’t finally kill off all the elderly, the frail, and the infirmed, then massive funding cuts to their healthcare and Social Security - sure ought to finish off the job.   Meanwhile, even conservative economists are cautioning Republican le...