You've Got to Be Kidding?

Plant-based meat substitute producer Beyond Meat’s Chief Operating Officer Doug Ramsey has been arrested in Fayetteville, Arkansas, on charges of terroristic threatening and third-degree battery after getting into a road rage altercation during a parking garage fender-bender, and biting off the tip of another man's nose. Holy cow!  Wait a minute!  So, he gets in a “beef” with another driver, and bites off his nose?  Since when did cannibalism become a vegan choice?  Wonder if the judge will ask if his victim’s nose “tasted like chicken?”  Guess we can only hope Ramsey doesn't have a son named “Stew.”  All I can say is, this kind of behavior could make Beyond Meat’s stock take a huge “nose dive.”  Hell, if this keeps up, Beyond Meat’s gonna have to come out with a new product line called “Beyond Noses.” So, what’s up with this multi-millionaire biting off some guy’s nose over a silly fender bender?  I mean, who the hell does he think he is, Mike...

Faux Meat Makers Plan to Market a New Pork Alternative:   Between trade tariffs and the specter of African Swine Fever, last year was a pretty harrowing year for pork producers, but never fear - faux meat makers like Impossible Foods and Beyond Meat will soon be coming out with new pork alternatives.   Yea, I suppose all that’s nice, but frankly - I’m still waiting for someone like Beyond Meat to come up with some sort of palatable, new Presidential alternative.  I’d suggest calling it “Beyond Trump.” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Scientists Revive the Brain Cells In Dead Pigs:   In a study that raises profound questions about the fine line between life and death, researchers have restored cellular activity to brains removed from slaughtered pigs. So, my question is, if we can revive someone’s brain after they’re dead, will the insurance companies pay for it?  I’m certainly no health insurance authority, but death seems like a pretty obvious “pre-existing condition.”  Not to mention that, in the case of Donald Trump and his supporters - giving them a pig brain would have to be considered one helluva upgrade.  Good luck with that! And how would this work anyway?  Are you telling me that someone could die and then scientists would bring them back to life by replacing their brain with the brain of a dead pig?  I mean, where the hell is Mary Shelley and Mel Brooks when you need them?  On the other hand, all this sounds like simply fantastic news for the Walt Disney Compa...

Meat Industry Trying to Axe the Word Meat From Meat Substitutes:   Meat industry lobbyists across the country are attempting to get politicians to outlaw the use of the word “meat” on the labels of products that are actually “meat substitutes.”  Yea, well my take on this is - if Fox News can still label itself as “news,” then why shouldn’t veggie burgers be able to label themselves as a kind of “meat?” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com  Evidence of First British Beer Brewed Found in Cambridgeshire:   Evidence of the first beer believed to have been brewed in the UK, dating back more than 2,000 years, has been uncovered by road workers.  Archeologists say they were immediately able to determine the beer’s age by the “best if used by 217 BC” stamp on it.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Elon Musk ’s Tesla Roadster Has Now Traveled 226 million Miles:   It’s now been 12 months since Elon Musk shot his personal Tesla Roadster i...