You've Got to Be Kidding?

Many Red States Restoring Gun Rights for the Mentally Ill:  Despite the ever-rising number of gun deaths in the United States, new data indicate that many red states have been increasingly restoring the right to carry firearms to people who’ve previously lost that right, due to serious mental illness.   Meanwhile, the NRA is strongly defending the move as “absolutely necessary,” pointing out that the last thing we need to be doing during these stressful times is leaving our nation’s mentally ill, completely defenseless against a much better-equipped, extremely well-armed - imaginary enemy.   The NRA further argued that providing these vulnerable citizens with needed weaponry is especially critical during a pandemic, when folks such as paranoid schizophrenics may not be receiving their medications as frequently as they normally do, thereby increasing the perceived threat against them - by at least tenfold. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Returns to Do White House Coronavirus Briefings Solo:  Three months after he abandoned the daily virus briefings and attempted to turn the country’s attention to what he described as the “great American comeback,” President Trump took the lectern in the White House briefing room alone on Tuesday, free to say whatever he wanted without any distractions from the usual bunch “sciencey nerds” behind him. And, in a rare moment of candor, Trump reluctantly admitted that the spread of the coronavirus will likely get worse before it gets better, and that people should probably wear masks.  Well said Mr President!  The fact is, most of us are already rather optimistic things will begin to get better - sometime after November 3rd. Ironically, now that Trump is finally admitting the virus is spreading fast and that people should wear masks, you’d think most of those armed militia thugs, whom Trump egged on to to out and “liberate” those Democratic run states from t...

White House Moves Bush and Clinton Portraits to a Back Room:   The White House has reportedly moved the presidential portraits of Bill Clinton and George W Bush, from the building's entrance hall, where President Trump had to frequently pass by them, to a back room - which is primarily used for storing tablecloths and furniture. Hell, if President Trump really wanted to move them to somewhere where he’d never have to encounter them again, why not just hang them in the White House library?  But, in all fairness, I understand exactly where he’s coming from on this.  After all, he needed to make room for Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un’s portraits. Perhaps the next President could in turn reciprocate, by having Trump’s portrait moved into one of the White House’s public bathrooms.  Of course, Trump needn’t worry, for I’m sure his portrait will forever be prominently displayed throughout the Kremlin.  That said, it kind of makes me wonder as to just wh...

Trump Wants to Block New Money for Testing, Tracing and the CDC:   People involved in those talks, report that the Trump Administration is attempting to block billions of dollars for states to conduct testing, contact tracing and funding for the CDC - in the upcoming coronavirus relief bill. Beautiful!  Only Donald Trump could manage to propose a coronavirus “relief bill,” that offers "no relief.”  But, I do see his point.  As any good Republican will tell you, the only way to get rid of this virus, is by passing another “tax cut for the wealthy.   Frankly, at this point, I think we’d all be better off - if they just decided to use an Ouija Board to make federal policy decisions, but I suspect even the spirit world wouldn’t wanna be associated with any of the shenanigans this Administration’s concocting.   Anyway, after they implement all those budget cuts, I guess we can always take Trump’s earlier advice and try drinking bleach.  Now,...

Trump Claims Police Kill More White People than Blacks:  Earlier this week, President Trump shrugged off reporter’s questions about police killing black people, by claiming police kill more white people - and, while that’s technically correct, data indicate black people are actually 2.5 times more likely to die at the hands of police than whites. Gee, is it just me, or did Donald Trump just try and convince folks about how fair and reasonable the police are, by bragging about how they like to murder white folks also?   I mean, with an understanding of math and statistics like that, do we really need to ponder how anyone could possibly manage to even bankrupt a damn gambling casino? Why, this is a guy who, if you asked him about square roots, would ask his gardeners to dig up the White House rose garden - just to try and prove you wrong.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Defends People Who Love the Confederate Flag:   The Associated Press reports that President Trump is defending the people who support the Confederate flag, claiming that he “knows people who love the Confederate flag, and they're not thinking about slavery.” Well, I do have to admit that I fully agree with the President when he says - “people who support the Confederate flag aren't thinking!”  So, they aren’t thinking about slavery?  And, to think all this time, we all assumed there was actually a reason behind why those folks were flying Confederate flags at Klan rallies .   I suppose they just must think that flag’s awfully damn pretty.  Anyway, I assume that also means that all those folks who fancy the Nazi swastika, aren’t really thinking about the Holocaust - they just happen to love geometry.  Now, what I’d like to know is, do you suppose all those Trump supporters, who just love to brag about how their party is the “party of Li...

Trump Retweets Chuck Woolery Covid-19 Hoax Claim:  President Trump appears to be once again be claiming the coronavirus is a hoax, as he retweeted a message from game show host Chuck Woolery which claimed that “Everyone is lying.  The CDC, Media, Democrats, our Doctors, not all but most ,that we are told to trust.  I think it’s all about the election and keeping the economy from coming back, which is about the election.  I’m sick of it.” Laugh if you want, but Mr. Woolery's experience as a game show host on extremely popular programs like Wheel of Fortune and Love Connection, would actually give him a much broader perspective on things than those men and women whose narrowly focused qualifications in areas like science and epidemiology would have. In fact, Fox News is reporting that medical experts around the world are now desperately trying to contact Mr. Woolery, hoping to get his input on handling other difficult medical issues they’re confronting. ...

Trump Sidelines Fauci Over His Blunt Talk About the Pandemic:   As the Trump administration strays more and more from the advice of its scientists and public health experts, the White House has moved to sideline the scientist and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Dr Anthony S. Fauci, who hasn’t briefed Trump in over a month and who is no longer included in any Covid-19 press briefings. Well, no surprise there.  Hell, about the only time any Republicans have ever done anything that even remotely resembles social distancing, was way back when Clint Eastwood was talking to that empty chair during that completely insane 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa . So, here we are, right in the middle of a deadly pandemic - and Trump decides he no longer needs to meet with infectious disease experts?  Now, you can say what you want about Fauci and Trump, but my guess is - at least Anthony Fauci was smart enough to take his own ...

Trump Commutes Old Pal Roger Stone's Sentence:   After declaring Roger Stone a victim of the “Russia hoax” perpetuated by the Left and its allies in the media, President Trump has commuted the three-year prison criminal sentence for the Republican operative and dirty trickster, who was due to report to federal prison on Tuesday after being found guilty of obstruction, witness tampering and lying to Congress. Good grief, is it my imagination, or has Trump actually just pardoned the real-life version of the Monopoly guy?  I mean, Stone is a villain right out of Charles Dickens.  Why, this is an act so corrupt, it’s almost enough to make Kim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin blush. Now, I’m no legal expert, but it appears what the Trump Administration is basically arguing is that - someone shouldn’t be punished for committing a crime which “they really should’ve gotten away with.”  And while that may sound a bit odd to the rest of us, that kind of thinking makes go...

Tucker Carlson Accused of Echoing a White Supremacist Slogan:   Critics are accusing host Tucker Carlson and Fox News of echoing a well-known white supremacist slogan, after displaying side-by-side images of Representative Ilhan Omar and Senator Tammy Duckworth - along with a message below that read: “We have to fight to preserve our nation & heritage,” and then accusing Duckworth of “hating America.”   Now, to be completely fair, I can kind of see Tucker’s point on this.  I mean, all Duckworth did was lose both of her legs while fighting with our armed forces in Iraq, when the Black Hawk helicopter she was co-piloting was shot down during a combat mission.   On the other hand, patriot Tucker once had to endure losing one of his hard to find Ralph Lauren boat shoes during a cocktail party on a sponsor’s yacht several years ago.  Say what you want, but I’ve seen those boat shoes advertised online, and they’re not cheap.  You wanna talk about ...

Trump Withdraws From World Health Organization During a Pandemic:  Amid a resurgent pandemic and rising hospitalizations and deaths, President Trump pitted America against the world on Tuesday, moving to pull the United States out of the World Health Organization. So, I guess it’s Trump against the rest of the world.  Unfortunately, that “rest of the world" also happens to include all of us in the United States.   Meanwhile, Trump Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany justified pulling out of WHO by claiming “I think the world is looking at us as a leader in Covid-19.”  And, she’s right.  We have over twice as many infections and deaths than anyone else.  If that doesn’t make us the leader, I don’t know what does.    I hate to sound pessimistic, but at this point - I’m starting to think we might have been better off, if Kim Kardashian and Kayne West had been running the coronavirus task force, right from the start. Call me crazy, bu...

Armed Militias Flock to Gettysburg to Foil Fake Antifa Flag Burning:   After a mysterious figure on social media repeatedly boasted about plans antifa protesters supposedly had to converge on the Gettysburg battlefield on Independence Day to burn American flags - armed militia members, bikers and white nationalists turned up en masse July 4 to defend against the imaginary flag burning by leftists. Wow, slow down all you macho weekend warriors - looks like the antifa boogeyman gotcha good.  Why, it’s a miracle these pot-bellied, gun-toting, “Early Bird Special Forces" didn't form a circular firing squad - and start shooting each other in the name of “free-dumb.”  The truth be known, it’s a pretty safe bet that the only thing even close to combat most of these tattooed, 101st BarcaLounger Squadron warriors have ever seen - is fighting their way to the front of some buffet line. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s lucky for them that the hoaxer didn’t suggest to the...

Don Jr's Girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle Tests Positive for Coronavirus:   It’s been announced that Kimberly Guilfoyle, the 51-year-old former Fox News television personality and current girlfriend of Donald Trump Jr, who had traveled to South Dakota for the President’s Mount Rushmore Fourth of July speech, has tested positive for coronavirus. Well, I gotta be honest and admit that I just don’t get it.  I mean, you’d think that after having worked at Fox for all those years, she’d already have built-up an immunity to just about every disease known to humanity by now.  Guess she just hasn’t been drinking enough bleach.  Oh well, even though she may be COVID-19 positive, she’s still considered IQ negative. Meanwhile, shortly afterward - Don Jr announced he will also be self-isolating.  On a positive note, at least now we know he won’t be shooting any exotic, endangered animals for the next two weeks.  And, the President is likely safe too, given t...

Trump Criticizes Cancel Culture During Mount Rushmore Campaign Rally:  During an extremely angry and divisive campaign rally held Friday at Mount Rushmore, President Trump immediately launched into an extremely aggressive, verbal attack on opponents, labeling them as “left-wing mobs,” seeking to "tear down" the United States and US history.  The rally was immediately followed by a huge fireworks display. Prior to the event, critics warned that holding a fireworks display in such a remote area would be extremely dangerous, given that Mount Rushmore is surrounded by 1200 acres of Ponderosa Pine, but President Trump dismissed the fire concern as simply fake news, pointing out that he’d looked at a few pictures of Mt. Rushmore before flying in, and the monument appears to be "all stone.”   Meanwhile, a Trump campaign spokesperson went on to add that a fireworks display is vitally important to the evening’s festivities - because the fireworks will be used to illumi...

Sen. Grassley Thinks Fox Isn't Working Hard Enough to Get Trump Re-Elected:  Republican Senator Chuck Grassley expressed frustration with last week's Fox News' town hall between Sean Hannity and President Trump, claiming the network made the President look bad when Trump fumbled Hannity’s question about the President’s plans for a second term - adding that the network “isn't working hard enough to get the President reelected.” Yeah, what the hell’s the matter with that Sean Hannity anyway - asking the President softball questions like that?  Hannity, of all people, should know serial misogynists like Trump don't play “softball?”  Why, it’s a damn girl’s sport! Reminds me of when that slick Katie Couric tried to ask Sarah Palin what magazines she reads.  What a low-blow, asking a question like that!  Why, it’s almost as if some folks still think a news station’s job is to provide the public with information - instead of helping elect Republicans...

NRA to Layoff 200 Staffers as Group Faces Massive Financial Crisis:  After spending over $30 million of a huge cash infusion from the Russians to help get Donald Trump elected in 2016, the National Rifle Association is now facing a deepening financial crisis, resulting in over 200 staff layoffs, 20% staff pay cuts, four-day workweeks, and other belt-tightening measures, according to insider NRA sources, gun analysts and other documents. Oh, the horrors of it all!  Why, if this situation isn’t resolved soon, the NRA may be forced to stop buying politicians altogether and will simply have to “bite the bullet.”  Oh well, if all those Russki rubles seem to have dried up, perhaps they could ask their Chief Executive Wayne La Pierre for a loan?  He seems to have no shortage of cash.  In the meantime, just know we’re all sending out our heartfelt thoughts and prayers, during these most difficult of times. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Study Says Fox News Kept Millions From Taking Coronavirus Seriously:   Three new studies are showing that Americans who relied on Fox News and similar conservative media outlets, were duped into a false sense of security as the coronavirus began its deadly spread - painting a picture of a media ecosystem that amplified misinformation, entertained unsubstantiated conspiracy theories and discouraged audiences from taking concrete steps to protect themselves and others. Wow, sounds like they must have some real “killer programming” over there at Fox!  Now, in all fairness, maybe Fox hasn’t done all that well with the coronavirus - but dagnamit, they’re really doing a helluva job when it comes to defending old statues, which pleases the pigeons - that’s for sure.  As for real people - well, not so much.  Call me old fashioned, but I long for a world, where we have a President who actually cares more about living Americans - and less about dead confederates. ...

Russia Offered Afghans Bounty to Kill U.S. Troops:   American intelligence officials have concluded that a Russian military intelligence unit secretly offered bounties to Taliban-linked militants for killing coalition forces in Afghanistan - including targeting American troops, and indicated that President Trump was briefed in the matter back in March, presented with retaliation options, but did nothing.  Gee, this means Trump knew that Russia was targeting Americans for assassination before he insisted that Russia be reinstated back into the G7 and before he started pulling American troops out of Europe, thereby strengthening Russia’s influence in the region. Of course, we’re all familiar with how Trump and the Republicans are always parading around, boasting about how much they “support the Troops.”  Well, after these revelations, I think it would only be fair to ask “oh really - whose troops?” Meanwhile, angry Republicans claimed it’s just plain “dirt...

White House Intensifies Efforts to Flood Pentagon With Trump Loyalists:   As the election grows nearer, the White House is intensifying its efforts to hire Pentagon personnel with an “undisputed” allegiance to President Trump, a move designed to weed-out all the “non-loyalists,” such as those trying to keep the military out of all the polarizing politics which Trump has been demanding. Now, let’s see, he’s quickly replacing all the top generals and Pentagon staffers with his loyalists, he loaded the courts with his flunkies, he appointed an Attorney General who acts like he’s Trump’s personal lawyer, he’s encouraged the police to manhandle people they’ve arrested, he wants to use our military against protestors, he’s firing those responsible for oversight of his actions, he’s secretly conducting his own private foreign policy through lackeys like Rudy Giuliani and Jared Kushner, and he’s attacking our free press as “enemies of the people.”  What’s to be concerned about?...

Trump Nominates Insane Conspiracy Theorist for No 3 Defense Dept Job:  President Trump has nominated Anthony Tata for the No. 3 post at the Defense Department, but it turns out that the retired Army Brigadier General and Fox News commentator has quite an active Twitter account, where he’s been describing President Barack Obama as a “terrorist leader,” with “Islamic roots” who wanted “to help the Iranians and the Islamic State crush Israel, declared former CIA Director John Brennan a traitor who should be executed and called Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosi “violent extremists.”  And, that’s just the nice things he said. Gee, this Tony Tata’s a real charmer.  Me thinks “Tata is full of caca.”  Either that, or he’s just auditioning for a remake of "Dr. Strangelove.”  One thing’s for sure, General Tata’s obviously been guzzling down more than his share of that cool, refreshing Trump “Cult 45” Malt Liquor. And now, our “Dear Leader” wants to give him one o...