Newsmax Host Says Instead of Gun Laws - Have Kids Wear Armored Vests

While ridiculing actor Matthew McConaughey for his impassioned White House speech about the mass school shooting that occurred in his hometown of Uvalde, Texas, Newsmax host Grant Stinchfield blasted all attempts at gun control measures, and instead urged parents to buy ballistic shields for their kids, which he claims will easily fit inside their children's backpacks.

Oh, I get it, “ballistic shields” are fine, but COVID face masks will psychologically traumatize them for life. Gee, that reminds me, I just saw a pic of a bunch of “open carry” freaks showing off at some Texas beach this week. So, does that mean parents should pick up some “ballistic swim armor” too? Wait, that sounds like it could turn into a “Catch 22.” See, if the kids don’t wear the “swim armor,” they might get shot - but if they do wear it, they’ll probably drown. Decisions, decisions!

Gee, now that makes you wonder just when are we gonna finally "well regulate" that darn militia, anyway? I mean, it’s been 233 years now. Too soon? Of course, as far as Republicans are concerned, the entire constitution could be reduced to just one simple sentence, “Everyone gets a gun!” Then, we just “dress up the kiddies in an armored vest, and let thoughts and prayers - take care of the rest.” See, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Anti-Vax Newsmax Host Says Diseases are Supposed to Kill People

Conservative network Newsmax has been forced to “distance itself” from remarks uttered by host Rob Schmitt this week, who claimed that vaccines go "against nature" because diseases are "supposed to wipe out a certain amount of people,” and that vaccinations “unnaturally interfere with viruses' designs on killing people.” Wow, kinda looks like the “Schmitt” has really hit the fan over at Newsmax. So, they want to “distance” themselves from Schmitt’s remarks, do they? Gee, makes you wonder if the morons who run Newsmax know they actually have the option not hire anti-science nitwits like Schmitt as anchors in the first place? Not to worry though, should Schmitt get fired, I'm sure folks like Kevin McCarthy or Rand Paul would warmly welcome him to become part of their staffs. Of course, the truth is, what Schmitt is really promoting is “Social Darwinism.” Given that, I assume by the same logic he applies to vaccines, one may conclude that by warning people ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

You've Got to Be Kidding?

Search This Blog