Florida Man Claims to Have No Idea How Drugs Got Taped to His Penis

The Associated Press reports that Pinellas County, Florida sheriff's deputies arrested a man during a traffic stop after they found baggies of cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around the suspect's penis during a pat-down. The suspect denied the drugs were his, and claimed he had no idea how they got there.

Well, laugh if you want, but if I just had a dollar for every time someone tried to tape hard drugs to my penis - well, let’s just say I wouldn't need to depend on George Soros for a paycheck any longer. Anyway, during the traffic stop, the cop just flat-out told him “Son, either those are drugs taped to your penis, or that’s one helluva STD you’ve got there!”

I mean, sure - I realize this sounds like some cockamamie story to many folks. After all, he told the cops he’d left his “regular penis” at home that evening, and he has no idea where the hell this penis could have come from. He then added ”Why, that doesn't even look like my penis, officer. This looks more like one of those penises they send out through the “Dick of the Month Club.”

Well, all of that aside, if this man is convicted, he’ll soon be headed into the Florida “penile system.” His lawyer argued that based on his client’s penis size, this entire case should have been tried in “small claims court,” adding that his client is not a hardened criminal. Well, one thing’s for sure, if he is telling the truth - then this poor guy is really getting the “shaft.”

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