Skip to main content

Trump Advises Dr. Oz to Just Declare Victory Before All Votes Counted


In line with the baseless claims of “election fraud” he perpetuated about the 2020 election, former President Donald Trump is now urging his endorsed favorite candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz, who is currently running neck and neck in vote tallies with his primary opponent for the US Senate David McCormick, to just “declare victory” - even before all the votes have been counted in a contest which will have far-reaching implications. 

Well, I guess that’s not especially surprising.  I mean, as we all know, left to his own devices, Donald Trump is the kind of guy who’d have called the Kentucky Derby when the horses are only 3/4 of the way around the track, or complained about “if only the Cincinnati Bengals would’ve listened to me and declared victory before those damn LA Rams scored in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl!”  Why, when this style of logic is employed properly, the possibilities are endless.


Anyway, let’s see here.  So, we now have a professional con artist, advising a quack TV doctor.  Gee, that should prove interesting!  And, to top it all off, Trump is now accusing Republicans of committing “voter fraud” against their fellow Republicans.  Good grief!  Somehow, Mr. Trump has actually managed to convince Republicans to join a “circular firing squad.”  Why, it’s no wonder they call this guy a “stable genius!”  Not even the Democrats could have come up with that one.


Now, the funny thing is that Dr. Oz is running for office in Pennsylvania, yet he still remains on the voter rolls in Bergen County, New Jersey - where he voted as recently as November 2020.  Not to be critical, but me thinks we may finally have ourselves a real, documented case of voter fraud here!  Perhaps it’s time to head back over to the “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” once again, for one of Rudy Giuliani’s delicious “Stop the Steal” rallies. 


Of course, the question is - just how can Pennsylvania settle this close primary election, so everyone will accept the outcome?  Frankly, I think the only way to do it - is to leave the final decision up to Pennsylvania’s most trusted expert advisor - that, of course, is none other than THE “Punxsutawney Phil,” because when in doubt, ask a groundhog!  Now, if Phil sees his shadow, that’ll mean Dr. Oz won.  On the other hand, if he doesn’t see his shadow, well - that means we can expect six more weeks of Trump whining about it.


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

During a segment on Neil Cavuto’s Fox News program, US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was told by the host that Marjorie Taylor Greene is claiming "Mr. Buttigieg is trying to emasculate the way we drive" by supporting electric vehicles.  In response, Buttigieg told Cavuto that “my sense of manhood is not connected to whether my vehicle is fueled by gasoline, or whether it's fueled by electricity.”  When asked by Cavuto if he was offended by what Greene said, Buttigieg remarked "To be honest, there are other members of Congress that I pay more attention to when I'm thinking about opinions that really matter.” Oh, come on now!  Let’s get real.  It would take a helluva lot more than an electric car to “emasculate” Marjorie Taylor Greene.  Besides, I’m pretty sure “real men” actually ride horses, anyway.  Of course, I’m certainly no psychiatrist, but it sounds like Greene’s anger could be a combination of both “road rage” and “roid rage,” leaving her...

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com