Elon Musk and SpaceX Reveal First Private Moon Tourist

Elon Musk and SpaceX Reveal First Private Moon Tourist: SpaceX has just announced that Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa will be the world’s first private passenger to fly around the Moon, paying an estimated $35 million to travel aboard a BFR launch vehicle in 2023 - which SpaceX feels will mark an important step toward enabling access for “everyday people” who dream of traveling into space.

Gee, I don’t wanna sound cynical, but I think the economy may have to pick up quite a bit before very many “everyday people” will be able slam together the $35 million to make that flight. Hell, I’d be happy just to be able to afford gas to drive down to San Diego once in a while.

On a positive note, at least these tourist flights won’t disturb anyone living on the moon, because - as far as I know, there’s only one permanent resident up there - and that’s of course the “Man on the Moon.” No telling how he feels about all this.

And while I’m no rocket scientist, my guess is obtaining water should be no problem, because - as everyone knows, they’ve got the “Moon River” up there, which Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer claim is “wider than a mile.” And while SpaceX will probably never fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars - I did fly into Cleveland a couple of years ago. Hell, the way I see it, that oughta count for something.

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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