Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity

Aliens on Super-Earth Planets May Be Trapped by Gravity: Researchers say that while so-called super-earths may be the most likely class of exoplanets to support life, the gravity on them would be so powerful, it would make it very unlikely any beings on them would even be able to leave their planet.

Either that, or they’re a civilization of Trump supporters - and they believe their super-earth is flat and the sky above then is totally fake. From that point of view, what would be the point of trying to leave? Or perhaps these beings reside on an exoplanet planet made almost entirely of Velveeta cheese - and their alien civilization has become so addicted to grilled cheese sandwiches, they can’t bare to leave. As you can see, there’s so many possible answers here.

That said, one thing most scientists do agree upon is that the gravity on these super exoplanets planets would be so profound, it would be nearly impossible for any aliens living there to unzip their flies just to take a leak - and they most likely would be forced to pee right in their pants. Obviously, life on a massive super-earth isn’t quite as glamorous as some make it out to be. As for me - all I know is that gravity is the force allowing me to remain on my couch for long periods of time watching cable TV - and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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