Mitch McConnell Blocks Attempt to Quickly Approve $2,000 Stimulus Checks

Mitch McConnell Blocks Attempt to Quickly Approve $2,000 Stimulus Checks: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday blocked consideration of a House bill that would deliver $2,000 stimulus payments to desperate, unemployed Americans - extra funds that could help folks as they try to make ends meet during these hard times.

Now, like Mitch McConnell, many Republicans say they oppose the idea of just “handing out free money” to people who really don’t need it - people who’ll probably just spend that extra cash on frivolous things like Nike Air Jordans, Sony Play Stations, colon hydrotherapy or tumescent liposuction.

Now, I have to admit, they do make a good point. Truth be known, why I was actually planning on using that stimulus money to put a down payment on a new Bugatti Veyron. Had the color picked out and everything. I was gonna go with a kind of a “battleship gray” color. You know, to match Mitch McConnell’s face.

But, anyway - what can you say? Moscow Mitch and his Republicans - they’re always the last in line when it comes to helping their fellow Americans. Of course, in all fairness, they’re always first in line - at least when it comes to things like getting COVID vaccinations ahead of everyone else - so I suppose it all evens out.

And, now Republicans say they’re “deeply concerned about depict spending.” Well sure, at least now that a Democrat’s gonna be in the White house. The funny thing is - some of these same Republicans made so damn much money on insider info trading during the pandemic - why, they could almost afford to give Americans the $2000.00 themselves.

Johnny Robish Comedy

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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