DOJ Reportedly Investigating White House Pay for Pardons Scheme

DOJ Reportedly Investigating White House Pay for Pardons Scheme: CNN and the New York Times are reporting that the Dept. of Justice has been investigating a bribery scheme that involves the possible purchase of Presidential pardons, a potential crime related to the funneling of money into the White House or a related political committee, in exchange for presidential pardons.

Oh, for crying out loud! What’s the big deal anyway? Why, the Catholic Church used to sell indulgences back in the Middle Ages all the time, and Donald Trump, being the extremely religious and pious man that he is - is simply trying to bring back the practice. Why, I’m pretty sure you can even find a Biblical reference to it in “Two Corinthians.”

Meanwhile, some are complaining that the Trump Administration is basically letting Rome burn while the economy is tanking and the deadly coronavirus blazes on. All of which may be true, but this investigation shows that even so, the White House is still “wide open for business.” Why, they’ve even installed a cash register in the Oval Office.

Of course, others may conclude this whole thing smacks of bribery. Perhaps, but let’s remember that under Republican leadership, bribery isn’t really a crime - it’s called "free enterprise.” Well, not to worry, I’m sure Rudy’ll explain everything at his next news conference - over there in front of the Four Seasons Total Bail Bonds storefront office.

In the meantime, for all you loyal Donald Trump fans, it looks like we may have just found ourselves a little preview of Donald Trump’s next post-Presidential reality TV show. It’ll be called - “Dollars for Pardons” and the theme song will be “I Begged Your Pardon, Now Can We Sign It in the Rose Garden?”

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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