DOJ Reportedly Investigating White House Pay for Pardons Scheme

DOJ Reportedly Investigating White House Pay for Pardons Scheme: CNN and the New York Times are reporting that the Dept. of Justice has been investigating a bribery scheme that involves the possible purchase of Presidential pardons, a potential crime related to the funneling of money into the White House or a related political committee, in exchange for presidential pardons.

Oh, for crying out loud! What’s the big deal anyway? Why, the Catholic Church used to sell indulgences back in the Middle Ages all the time, and Donald Trump, being the extremely religious and pious man that he is - is simply trying to bring back the practice. Why, I’m pretty sure you can even find a Biblical reference to it in “Two Corinthians.”

Meanwhile, some are complaining that the Trump Administration is basically letting Rome burn while the economy is tanking and the deadly coronavirus blazes on. All of which may be true, but this investigation shows that even so, the White House is still “wide open for business.” Why, they’ve even installed a cash register in the Oval Office.

Of course, others may conclude this whole thing smacks of bribery. Perhaps, but let’s remember that under Republican leadership, bribery isn’t really a crime - it’s called "free enterprise.” Well, not to worry, I’m sure Rudy’ll explain everything at his next news conference - over there in front of the Four Seasons Total Bail Bonds storefront office.

In the meantime, for all you loyal Donald Trump fans, it looks like we may have just found ourselves a little preview of Donald Trump’s next post-Presidential reality TV show. It’ll be called - “Dollars for Pardons” and the theme song will be “I Begged Your Pardon, Now Can We Sign It in the Rose Garden?”

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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