Larry Gene Gay, 70, of Springfield, Missouri, is being held at the Greene County Jail on a $50,000 bond after he held a gun to a Price Cutter employee's throat after being told the meat department was closed. The said employee said he received a call from the meat department about a man behind the counter packing his own meat. The employee then approached the man and told him that he could not be back behind the counter, at which time the man became upset and said he was going to keep doing what he was doing. When the employee said he was not going to help him with the meat, Mr. Gay stuck his gun to the employee’s throat. After police were called and he was confronted outside in his truck, Mr. Gay then claimed he had only showed the employee his gun “Just to say I’m not stealing. I need you here to help me to get a couple of these steaks. I’m not going to hurt you.”
You bet! Because nothing says, “I’m not going to hurt you,” like ramming a loaded gun into someone’s throat. At that point, the employee finally did comply with the man’s wishes - after realizing just how much was at steak here. Say, now that I think about it, Mr. Gay’s approach might also work when you're trying to merge onto a busy highway. Simply wave your gun out the window and “watch traffic part like the friggin’ Red Sea.”
Now, in his defense, I’m sure being a MAGA Ammosexual, Mr. Gay felt God had told him that its his right to buy these steaks, even if the meat department was closed. You know, kind of like, “Give Me Sirloin, or Give Me Death!” Like the Constitution says, “The Right of the People to Buy Steak Shall Not Be Infringed!” I mean, is it so wrong to ask, “Who the hell do I have to threaten to get a steak around here?” Incidentally, when he said, “I’m not going to hurt you,” he was telling the truth because technically - its the gun that’ll take care of all of that.
So, ask yourself, do you really wanna live in a world where folks aren’t even allowed to threaten supermarket employees with lethal weapons anymore? Is it too much to ask that the store have a “Well Regulated Meat Department?” Why any card-carrying MAGA can tell ya that the “Grill of Liberty” must occasionally be watered with the blood of butchers and vegetarians. Remember, this is Missouri, where they have strict “Stand Your Ground Chuck” laws.
The thing is, MAGA folks like Larry Gene Gay really do need easy access to guns. You know, folks who really don’t have the vocabulary to verbally express what they really want. The problem for MAGA Ammosexuals like Mr. Gay, who believes God says its OK for him to pull a gun on a meat department employee, is that in this country, we have a “Separation of Church and Steak.” That means if you really wanna go around and threaten store employees while shopping, you’d better do your shopping at a place like “Bloodbath and Beyond,” not your local supermarket!
If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:
Comments
Post a Comment