You've Got to Be Kidding?

Thoughts on My Day Trip to Tijuana:   Well, just drove back from Mexico and funny thing - all those disease-ridden, angry, rock-throwing, evil people Trump and Fox News warn us about every hour on the hour - were completely non-existent. Gee, is it possible that Trump and Fox News could have been lying through their teeth? The answer, of course, is no - but that's only because most Trump supporters don’t even have enough teeth to lie through. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Crying Nazi Threatens About Army of Fanatics Willing to Die:   After white supremacist James Fields was convicted of the first-degree murder of counter-protestor Heather Heyer during the Charlottesville alt-right rally, “Crying Nazi” Christopher Cantwell claimed Fields is innocent and warned that there is an “army of fanatics willing to die” over this matter.  Which may be so, but one thing’s for sure - from the looks of this guy, it doesn’t look like it’s gonna be starvation that kills him.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com  CDC Issues Warning Against Eating Raw Cookie Dough:   Ahead of the holiday season, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is urging consumers not to eat raw cookie dough, cake mix or bread.  The agency added that if you simply must consume raw dough, try and limit it to just one lick per bowl.  In related news, the CDC also issued yet another warning to ardent Trump supporters - about the dangers of ea...

The Way Christmas Once Was - A True Holiday Story:   I don't often post personal items, but here's a photograph of me and my first wife Gethelda Jane from a Christmas way back when. As you may have guessed from the picture - Gethelda Jane was in a marching band. It didn't bring us in a lot of money, but it was enough to keep me in cough syrup - and that's all I ever asked of the woman. As for the kids, well that's a rather sad story. They were happily playing outside in the yard, early one Sunday morning - when the hogs broke loose from their pen and ate 'em all up - both of 'em. Needless to say, our relationship with them hogs was never quite the same after that. Gethelda Jane became a vegetarian and me - well, I eventually became a window-tapper at a drive-in movie. But then again, that's quite another story. Anyway, under the circumstances, Gethelda Jane and I decided not to butcher them hogs, but instead sold them to a neighbor, just down...

PETA Launches Campaign to End Anti-Animal Language:   The animal's rights group is being heavily criticized for comparing "anti-animal" idioms to racism, homophobia, and other discriminatory language.  And don’t I know it!  I mean, my cat’s reported me to PETA numerous times for using anti-animal language around the house with such cruel, hateful phrases like “it’s time for your bath,” or “now get down off the kitchen drainboard,” and of course, perhaps the most heinous phrase of them all - “now get in your carrier, we’re going to see the vet.”  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Finnish Scientists Develop First-Ever Vaccine for Dying Bees:   Scientists in Finland say they may have a way to save the dying bee population, as they have just developed an edible vaccine for the prominent and deadly bacterial disease “ American Foulbrood ," which spreads very rapidly and destroys entire honeybee populations.  Researchers say that now they’ve finishe...

Trump Makes No Effort To Greet Jimmy Carter at Bush Service:   At the funeral service for President George H.W. Bush, current President Donald Trump stirred controversy once again by making absolutely no effort to greet President Jimmy Carter - the oldest living American President. Yea, but in all fairness, Donald Trump probably hasn’t a clue as to who Jimmy Carter is.  He probably just assumed Carter was Bill Clinton’s father or - maybe he thought Carter was born in Kenya.  Who knows?  But come on, do we really expect Trump to show some class and dignity at this point?   Besides, Trump’s ever fidgeting body language says he was rather distracted anyway - probably thinking “geez, I could be on the golf course right now!  After all, I’m President of the United States - the most powerful man in the world - not some damn Walmart greeter.”   Then, shortly after the funeral came to a close - President Carter was seen outside, graciously pas...

Kid Rock Booted As Grand Marshall Of Nashville’s Christmas Parade:   Super Trump supporter Kid Rock has been booted as grand marshal of the Nashville Christmas Parade after referring to Joy Behar of ABC’s “The View” with an expletive - live on Fox News.  Well, I think the polite thing for President Trump to do would be to offer Kid Rock a job as grand marshal of that military parade he’s been hoping for.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com  Physicists Still Struggling to Fully Explain Black Holes:   Physics cannot describe what happens inside a black hole where current theories break down, and general relativity collides with quantum mechanics, creating what's called a “singularity” - or a point at which the equations spit out infinities.  When asked while leaving a popular nightspot if she’d care to comment on those singularities, Kim Kardashian said “sorry fellas, but I make it a point never to address theoretical physics equations when ...

Millennials Blamed for Falling Sales of Canned Tuna:   According to recent U.S. Department of Agriculture data, finicky millennial tastes may be one of the primary reasons why canned tuna sales have fallen so dramatically in recent years - with StarKist executive Andy Mecs complaining that “a lot of millennials don’t even own can openers.” And while I can’t speak for the millennial’s distaste for canned tuna, I can report that my cat still seems to enjoy the delicacy.  Now if I were “Big Tuna,” rather than target those canned tuna ads toward millennials, I’d address all future marketing toward their cats.  Hell, when you consider all the money being spent on cat products every year, I think we can safely conclude that cats have more disposable income than millennials do anyway.     Of course, another solution to declining sales might be to start marketing the tuna as “gluten-free.”  Do that and you’d instantly have every hipster from Maine to S...