You've Got to Be Kidding?

Western Texas Shooting Leaves 5 Dead and 21 Injured:   Police say they’ve shot and killed a white male shooter in his mid-30s in Odessa, Texas - after the man killed 5 and injured at least 21 in yet another Texas mass shooting spree.  Now call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer those good old days when Labor Day weekends meant going to the lake or having a back yard barbecue - rather than trying to escape the carnage of a mass shooting.  But that’s just me. Yet, here we have another angry, trigger-happy Texan, riding around in his car, probably singing his rendition of that old Sam Cooke number “it’s another Saturday night, and I ain't shot nobody.”   Or, maybe he was just pissed because the local Popeyes was all out of chicken sandwiches by the time he got there?  Who knows?  Either way, it’s about time for Republicans to cue up their old “mental illness explanations” again.   Anyway, it sounds like what these poor folks really ne...

Ohio Man Accused of Planning Attack on Jewish Center:   A self-described white nationalist who owned assault-style weapons and lots of Nazi World War II memorabilia, has been charged in federal court with making threats to attack an Ohio Jewish community center. Why, what a surprise!  Another heavily-armed white nationalist planning a massacre?  Let’s see, that makes six foiled mass shootings in the past 3 weeks, and guess what - they’re all white and they’re all Trump supporters.  Who could’ve imagined?   So, it seems Trump’s Master Race strikes again!  And doesn’t this guy look like one “glorious" human specimen?  No wonder he feels superior to all the rest of us.  Why he looks so “happy” in that mugshot - maybe he should have just stuck to playing video games in his mom's basement?   Anyway, isn’t it odd we don’t see all those right-wing, Fox News media figures like Hannity or Tucker Carlson looking earnestly into the camer...

Trump Surgeon General Warns of Health Risks of Marijuana:  Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar and Surgeon General Jerome Adams have issued a warning, calling marijuana "a dangerous drug,” adding that President Trump will donate one-quarter of his annual government salary toward a digital campaign to raise awareness of marijuana risks. Now isn’t that interesting?  We have a guy who lives off of fast food and diet Cokes, concerned about people's health?  All I can say is, that so-called "digital awareness campaign” Trump is supposedly donating to had better hope he’s not writing them a check. Of course, I know some of you skeptics are gonna say that if banning drugs was really about a concern for public safety, wouldn’t alcohol, tobacco and opioids be illegal?  Well, I think it’s safe to assume Surgeon General Adams would respond to that by saying “it’s none of your business.” That said, the Trump people do have a point when they talk about t...

Trump Still Claiming Russia Booted From G8 for Outsmarting Obama:   President Donald Trump tweeted that he’d “most certainly” invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the group’s next summit, after doubling down on his claim that Russia got booted from the G8 simply because Russia “outsmarted” former President Barack Obama - when it illegally invaded and annexed Crimea in 2014. Hell, I’ll take what President Trump said one step further.  I blame Barack Obama for the Ottoman Empire losing the Russo-Turkish War back in 1774.  Of course, Obama being at fault for something is quite obvious to any Trump supporter.  On the other hand, having even the slightest clue what the hell the Ottoman Empire was - not so much!   That said, the odd thing about President Trump’s Crimean hypothesis is, I could have almost sworn it was Vladimir Putin who invaded and annexed Crimea, not Barack Obama.  But hell, I get why Trump had to blame Obama.  I ...

Study Finds Most Teens Text While Driving:   An anonymous survey of American high school teens showed that nearly 60 percent admit to texting or e-mailing while driving.  Sadly, the other 40% were too busy texting to take the survey. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Investors Want to Bring Running of the Bulls to US:  Investors are trying to bring the Great Bull Run, an event inspired by the “Running of the Bulls” in Pamplona, Spain to the U.S. next summer, which will feature bulls rushing through a fenced course while human participants run to stay out of their way.  Yea, well all I can say is, good luck trying to get Americans to participate in anything that involves running.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com International Outrage Expressed Over Inaction on Amazon’s Fires:  The record number of fires ravaging in the Amazon are drawing international outrage because of  its importance to the global environment.  You ...

Trump Suggested Using Nuclear Weapons on Hurricanes:   Its being reported that President Trump has been repeatedly suggesting to Homeland Security and other National Security officials about the idea of firing nuclear weapons into hurricanes to prevent them hitting the United States. Wow, sounds like yet another terrific idea from the Commander-in-Chief of our “US Space Force!”  So, if I’m understanding all this correctly - instead of having to deal with just a typical hurricane, people in the hurricane’s path will now be dealing with a radioactive one?  Why, that’s pure genius!   One thing’s for sure, unlike when he visited Puerto Rico - if a community gets clobbered by a hurricane full of toxic radiation, I don’t think any amount of cheap paper towels Trump tosses at local residents will do very much to clean up that mess. But hell, why stop there?  I mean, how about sending up some of those fancy new B-21 Stealth Bombers to carpet bomb Oklahom...

Candidate Vows to Keep Marysville, Mich a White Community:  During a council forum in Marysville, Mich, Republican candidate Jean Cramer shocked attendees by vowing that Marysville needs to remain “white community as much as possible,” adding that the Bible says a “husband and wife and their kids need to be of the same race.” Gee, since it’s pretty well established historically that Jesus Christ couldn’t have been white, I assume that means Jesus himself wouldn’t have been all that welcome if he tried to settle in beautiful, downtown Marysville. You know, I always find it rather interesting how people having the right to be who they are - and to marry whomever they wish, is somehow looked upon as an attack on Christianity by these half-wits. Of course, I’m sure folks like Jean Cramer will be quick to inform you that there’s no question in her mind Jesus Christ was white.  And she may just have a point.  I mean, doesn’t her Bible have lots and lots of pictu...