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Scientists Say Alien Star Sideswiped Our Solar System

Scientists Say Alien Star Sideswiped Our Solar System:  Astronomers say that some 70,000 years ago, when humans and Neanderthals shared the planet, an alien star streaked through the outer edges of our solar system and jostled its contents.  We need to erect a wall around our solar system and we need to get the Andromeda galaxy to pay for it.



Bored 6-Year-Old Discovered a 65-Million-Year-Old Fossil:  A 6-year-old girl got bored while watching her sister’s JV soccer game in Bend, Oregon - wandered away from the field and started digging in a nearby bush and uncovered a 65-million-year-old fossil.  After hearing about the little girl’s find, President Trump immediately recommended she be appointed Chairman of Paleontology for the National Museum of Natural History.




Trump Names War Hawk John Bolton as National Security Adviser:  President Trump announced he will be naming Fox News commentator and conservative firebrand John Bolton, who recently advocated the US pull a preemptive nuclear strike on North Korea and Iran.  Between starting a trade war with China and the EU, along with Bolton’s appointment - Wall Street cautions they may be forced to downgrade the President’s status from "Moron" to “Imbecile.”  On the plus side, if Trump continues his efforts to send the economy down the tubes, I suppose we wouldn’t be a very attractive target to North Korea and Iran anyway.

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