Thousands of Poisonous Baby Toads Plague Florida Neighborhood: Tens of thousands of poisonous baby cane toads have completely overrun a Florida suburb and residents are reportedly just overwhelmed and fed up. Not to worry, Governor Ron DeSantis (R) just announced he plans to saturate the area with hundreds of venomous snakes, which he’s hopeful will wanna eat all the frogs.
Key Medical Groups Push for Tax on Sugary Drinks: For the first time, two major health organizations have issued a statement calling for the implementation of a tax on sugary drinks as a means to curb consumption among children and young adults. Yes - and I would further insist, that any tax money collected - may only used to pay for liposuction on those kids who drank the sodas.
Dr Mudd’s Decedents Visit Prison Where He Was Held: Wearing "Free Dr. Mudd" T-shirts, about 80 descendants of the doctor who was imprisoned after splinting the broken leg of President Abraham Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth, marked the anniversary of his arrival at the prison by visiting the isolated Gulf of Mexico fort where he was held. Gee, I don’t wanna sound critical, but isn’t their protest about 160 years too late? Besides, what does it really matter if he is innocent or guilty? His name is still gonna be “Mudd.”
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