Prolonged Phone Use Causing Horns to Grow Out of Young People’s Skulls

Prolonged Phone Use Causing Horns to Grow Out of Young People’s Skulls: New research out of Australia in biomechanics suggests that young people are starting to develop bone spurs similar to “horns” in the back of their skulls - believed to be caused by looking down at their mobile phones for a prolonged period of time.

OK, we get it - young people get horny from looking at their smartphones. On the other hand, I’m sure most musicians would argue that something can’t seriously be considered a “horn," unless you can blow it.

The fact is, anthropologists suggest we may now be entering the next stage of human evolution - “Homo Erectus iPhoneus,” while New Age devotees believe this represents a new, human incarnation of the beloved Unicorn.

Meanwhile, Pentagon officials expressed concern that young people may follow our President’s lead and use these “bone spurs” as a way to get out of doing military service - pointing out that if all of our young people have bone spurs, who the hell is gonna fight Trump’s war with Iran?

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Marjorie Taylor Greene Claims Pete Buttigieg Emasculating Driving With Electric Cars

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Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

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Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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