White House Downplays Football Field-Sized Asteroid Threat

White House Downplays Football Field-Sized Asteroid Threat: Astronomers at the European Space Agency (ESA), say there is a small chance that an asteroid, roughly the width of a football field, will strike the Earth in early September.

Now, what I wanna know is, since when did scientists start measuring a celestial objects in terms of football fields? So, given that there’s just a small chance of this asteroid hitting Earth, I guess you could say the asteroid is facing a “4th down and 200,000 miles to go” situation. Good luck with finding a punter willing to kick that puppy.

President Trump immediately took to twitter, urging everyone to lock their doors, just as a precaution. Meanwhile, a White House spokesperson tried to downplay the threat by pointing out that even if the asteroid did strike Earth, you still wouldn’t be able to play football on it - because the surface of asteroids are way too rocky and uneven for football. Adding that this would be especially true for any team dependent on their passing game.

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

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Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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