Gaetz Sought Blanket Pardon From Trump White House

Gaetz Sought Blanket Pardon From Trump White House: The New York Times reports that Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) sought a blanket pre-emptive pardon from the White House during the final weeks of President Trump’s administration, a revelation that comes as the lawmaker finds himself the subject of a federal sex-trafficking investigation.

Oh, now I see how it all came down - “Mr. President, I did absolutely nothing wrong, and I’m gonna need a complete, blanket pardon to confirm that!” Gee, sounds like Mr, Gaetz didn’t come up with all that cash Trump demands for his pardons. Now, I don’t like to spread rumors, but it sounds like Republicans may very well be running a child prostitution ring - out of a pizza parlor. Word has it that the operation is being called “PizzaGaetz.”

Fact is, when a guy who pays a porn star $130,000 in hush money thinks you’re too much of a dirtbag to deal with - you’re really a dirtbag! I mean, Matt met his last girlfriend while she was selling Girl Scout cookies out in front of Trader Joe’s. Frankly, about the only nice thing I can think to say about a guy like Matt Gaetz, is that he always slows way down when he’s driving through a school zone.

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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