Florida Again Crushes Single Day Record for New Virus Cases with 22,783

The Miami Herald reported that Florida reported a record 22,783 new COVID-19 cases on Friday, its highest single-day case count since the pandemic began last year, as the state continues its record-breaking hospitalizations for the fifth straight day in a row. Meanwhile, the San Antonio Express-News torched the GOP governors of both Texas and Florida, for using their states' citizens as COVID guinea pigs in a political stunt, as the two Republican governors continue trying to outdo one another in prohibiting commonsense policies to contain the crisis.

That said, considering the insane number of unnecessary deaths as a direct result of their policies, some legal analysts are insisting these governors should be impeached, charged with negligent homicide, and arrested. Of course, given that it’s Florida and Texas, they’ll instead be overwhelmingly reelected. That’s because apparently, the majority of Texans and Floridians will vote Republican, simply to “own the Libs,” even if it kills them. And guess what? It turns out - it will!

I mean, if you’re a Texas or Florida real estate investor, now’s the time to buy up those vacant lots and convert them into cemeteries. That’s gonna be the next real estate boom. The Red States are quickly becoming the “Dead States.” Hell, Governors DeSantis and Abbott apparently feel the best strategy to win the White House in 2024, is to compete as to who can oversee killing the most people in their state.

Why, it’s actually getting to the point where the federal government may soon have to issue a travel advisory - “Vacation in Florida or Texas at your own risk.” Now, the only thing the Feds need to work out is which message is more urgent, warning travelers about the COVID risks - or the stupidity?

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GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold

GOP Lawmaker Says Trump’s Conduct Crosses Impeachment Threshold: Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.), has become the first Republican congressman to publicly state that, based on the Mueller Report - the President “engaged in impeachable conduct.” Rep. Amash further added that Attorney General Barr “deliberately misrepresented” the Mueller Report’s findings to congress and to the American public. Oh boy! One can only imagine the 3 AM tweet storm that’s gonna emanate from Trump’s porcelain throne over this level of betrayal. I’ll tell you another thing, disloyalty of this magnitude to the Cult of Trump isn’t likely to set well in America’s trailer parks either. But then again, what else is new? After all, Republicans have never viewed reality as being in their best interests. Now, I have no idea how all this is gonna finally go down, but I do know one thing - Justin Amash is definitely not gonna get an invite to Donald Trump's next wedding....

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy

Self-Described Prophet and Pastor Warns Critics They Risk Leprosy: After numerous prophecies of his failed to materialize, resulting in various accusations of lies and fraud, self-described “prophet” and right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman of “One Voice Ministries” warned fellow Christians that they "better be very careful" about criticizing "prophets" like him, because "It's a dangerous place, and some of you might get leprosy.” Wow, leprosy? That’s one helluva threat! Now, while I wasn’t there, my guess is that it all came down something like this - some critic calls out God’s “prophet” Kunneman for his bogus claims, then further challenges him by declaring “You want a piece of me, then come and get it!” Then God gave that critic leprosy - and that “piece of him” just fell right off. Now, on a personal note, I’ve also been a vocal critic of Kunneman’s ministry for a long time now, and I can happily report that I haven’t come down with “leprosy.” Alth...

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone

Nigerian President Denies Dying and Being Replaced by a Clone: Speaking at a recent conference, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari denied claims that he had died and been replaced by a Sudanese impostor or a clone, breaking his silence on a rumor that has been circulating on social media for months. Wait a minute, I think I saw that movie - “ Weekend at Muhammadu’s. ” And, if I remember correctly - wasn’t it was a Sudanese actor who played the lead? Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? After all, I wasn’t born yesterday! Now, of course, I’m sitting out here in California - so I have no sure-fire way to confirm or deny all these rumors, but I do know one thing - if you can’t believe Nigerian e-mails and social media posts, what the hell can you believe? https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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