Trump Ordered Intel Director to Investigate if Chinese Thermostats Hacked Voting Machines

A new book by Jonathan Karl of ABC News reports that Donald Trump instructed Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe to investigate a bizarre conspiracy theory concocted by Trump Justice Department official Jeffrey Clark, who claimed Chinese wireless thermostats were used to manipulate voting machines in the 2020 US presidential election.

Wow, talk about a “smart thermostat.” These suckers not only set your room to a comfortable temperature, but they can also switch Aunt Gertrude’s vote for Donald Trump - right over to Joe Biden. Why, I bet these thermostats were made by the very same people that produced those secret microwaves Obama used to spy on everyone over at Trump Tower.

But, come on! Chinese thermostats? That’s a bit out there. Wonder what’s next, blaming COVID-19 on Chinese checkers? Have these folks all lost all their “marbles?” Hey, wait a minute! Come to think of it, I do remember back in November 2020, thinking “it’s freezing cold in this voting booth,” and asking “can someone please turn up the thermostat?” Gee, could I have thrown the whole election?

Of course, we all know this Chinese thermostat conspiracy theory is completely bonkers. I mean, anyone who knows anything about technology, will tell you that you don’t need some wireless Chinese thermostat to change votes in an election. Why, all you really need to do, is simply say “Alexa, switch all Trump’s votes over to Joe Biden.” Mission accomplished!

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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