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Former Trump Secretary of State Pompeo Claims 90 LB Weight Loss in 6 Months


In a recent interview with the New York Post, former Trump Secretary of State, evangelical Christian, and possible 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pompeo - evoked the old “I pulled myself up by the bootstraps” line, by claiming he lost 90 pounds in just six months, by simply making minor changes to his diet and working out only 30 minutes a day.  This has fitness professionals, as well as the editorial board of the Kansas City Star - expressing serious skepticism about his claim.

Gee, you mean to tell me that good old Trump-loving Mike Pompeo has lost 90 pounds?  Why, I didn’t even realize a spine could weigh 90 pounds.  Now, we knew he really had himself a pretty good set of kahunas, so as a precaution, maybe Trump decided he’d better get him castrated - and each testicle weighed 45 pounds.  Not to mention, no longer hosting all those lavish, 500 person State Department dinners he threw during the COVID pandemic, probably helped with the weight loss also. 

Meanwhile, fitness professionals say they believe the likely way Pompeo really lost all that weight so quickly, was by having his stomach stapled.  Well, if that’s the case, then it’s a damn shame they didn’t follow through and staple his big mouth shut too.  I mean, Pompeo might be 90 pounds lighter, but he's still as full of shit as he ever was.  Hey, wonder if he’s on that same diet Kim Jong-un is on?  Anyway, good job Mike!  Now, time to get busy losing all the rest of that weight.  Please let us know when you getting down close to zero.


So, why would a guy like Pompeo lie about getting weight loss surgery?  Well, it seems like Republicans are scared to death they might burst right into flames should they ever dare tell the truth.  Of course, the truth is, Pompeo has always been an arrogant prick and a liar, and no amount of weight loss will ever change that.  In fact, all that’s really changed is - he’s simply a much thinner criminal now.  I mean, we all knew Pompeo was a loser, we just didn’t realize that designation would eventually include his body weight too.


Now, rather than “Lap-Band Surgery,” some folks are wondering if Mike Pompeo might have Bulimia?  Well, all I can say is, if he does - not too many people are gonna be all that surprised.  I mean, every time Mike Pompeo opens his mouth, I know I definitely feel like throwing up.  That said, what I don’t understand is, how could a guy like Mike Pompeo have possibly missed this wonderful opportunity, to blame all his weight loss - on food shortages caused by Joe Biden?


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