Skip to main content

Former Trump Secretary of State Pompeo Claims 90 LB Weight Loss in 6 Months


In a recent interview with the New York Post, former Trump Secretary of State, evangelical Christian, and possible 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pompeo - evoked the old “I pulled myself up by the bootstraps” line, by claiming he lost 90 pounds in just six months, by simply making minor changes to his diet and working out only 30 minutes a day.  This has fitness professionals, as well as the editorial board of the Kansas City Star - expressing serious skepticism about his claim.

Gee, you mean to tell me that good old Trump-loving Mike Pompeo has lost 90 pounds?  Why, I didn’t even realize a spine could weigh 90 pounds.  Now, we knew he really had himself a pretty good set of kahunas, so as a precaution, maybe Trump decided he’d better get him castrated - and each testicle weighed 45 pounds.  Not to mention, no longer hosting all those lavish, 500 person State Department dinners he threw during the COVID pandemic, probably helped with the weight loss also. 

Meanwhile, fitness professionals say they believe the likely way Pompeo really lost all that weight so quickly, was by having his stomach stapled.  Well, if that’s the case, then it’s a damn shame they didn’t follow through and staple his big mouth shut too.  I mean, Pompeo might be 90 pounds lighter, but he's still as full of shit as he ever was.  Hey, wonder if he’s on that same diet Kim Jong-un is on?  Anyway, good job Mike!  Now, time to get busy losing all the rest of that weight.  Please let us know when you getting down close to zero.


So, why would a guy like Pompeo lie about getting weight loss surgery?  Well, it seems like Republicans are scared to death they might burst right into flames should they ever dare tell the truth.  Of course, the truth is, Pompeo has always been an arrogant prick and a liar, and no amount of weight loss will ever change that.  In fact, all that’s really changed is - he’s simply a much thinner criminal now.  I mean, we all knew Pompeo was a loser, we just didn’t realize that designation would eventually include his body weight too.


Now, rather than “Lap-Band Surgery,” some folks are wondering if Mike Pompeo might have Bulimia?  Well, all I can say is, if he does - not too many people are gonna be all that surprised.  I mean, every time Mike Pompeo opens his mouth, I know I definitely feel like throwing up.  That said, what I don’t understand is, how could a guy like Mike Pompeo have possibly missed this wonderful opportunity, to blame all his weight loss - on food shortages caused by Joe Biden?


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform.   Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate.   Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?”  Say it ain’t so!   Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum.   Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically.   Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.”   Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal:   Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike?  Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death.  Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this.   On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995. Gee whiz, $83 million?  Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.”  Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment.  Now, that really takes some skill!  Talk about “The Art of the Deal!”  I’m totally impressed.  Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.”   I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court abo...
Post a Comment
Read more