Skip to main content

Former Trump Secretary of State Pompeo Claims 90 LB Weight Loss in 6 Months


In a recent interview with the New York Post, former Trump Secretary of State, evangelical Christian, and possible 2024 presidential candidate Mike Pompeo - evoked the old “I pulled myself up by the bootstraps” line, by claiming he lost 90 pounds in just six months, by simply making minor changes to his diet and working out only 30 minutes a day.  This has fitness professionals, as well as the editorial board of the Kansas City Star - expressing serious skepticism about his claim.

Gee, you mean to tell me that good old Trump-loving Mike Pompeo has lost 90 pounds?  Why, I didn’t even realize a spine could weigh 90 pounds.  Now, we knew he really had himself a pretty good set of kahunas, so as a precaution, maybe Trump decided he’d better get him castrated - and each testicle weighed 45 pounds.  Not to mention, no longer hosting all those lavish, 500 person State Department dinners he threw during the COVID pandemic, probably helped with the weight loss also. 

Meanwhile, fitness professionals say they believe the likely way Pompeo really lost all that weight so quickly, was by having his stomach stapled.  Well, if that’s the case, then it’s a damn shame they didn’t follow through and staple his big mouth shut too.  I mean, Pompeo might be 90 pounds lighter, but he's still as full of shit as he ever was.  Hey, wonder if he’s on that same diet Kim Jong-un is on?  Anyway, good job Mike!  Now, time to get busy losing all the rest of that weight.  Please let us know when you getting down close to zero.


So, why would a guy like Pompeo lie about getting weight loss surgery?  Well, it seems like Republicans are scared to death they might burst right into flames should they ever dare tell the truth.  Of course, the truth is, Pompeo has always been an arrogant prick and a liar, and no amount of weight loss will ever change that.  In fact, all that’s really changed is - he’s simply a much thinner criminal now.  I mean, we all knew Pompeo was a loser, we just didn’t realize that designation would eventually include his body weight too.


Now, rather than “Lap-Band Surgery,” some folks are wondering if Mike Pompeo might have Bulimia?  Well, all I can say is, if he does - not too many people are gonna be all that surprised.  I mean, every time Mike Pompeo opens his mouth, I know I definitely feel like throwing up.  That said, what I don’t understand is, how could a guy like Mike Pompeo have possibly missed this wonderful opportunity, to blame all his weight loss - on food shortages caused by Joe Biden?


If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Using Divisive Topics Like Plastic Straws to Energize Base

Trump Using Divisive Topics Like Plastic Straws to Energize Base:  Using tactics such as plastic straws, wind turbines, bogus conspiracy theories and race-baiting, White House aides freely admit that Donald Trump has been deliberately attempting to amplify public tensions in America by seizing on divisive issues as a means to energize his explosively angry base. Now, I know what some of you are thinking - you’re thinking “now this, is the last straw!”  Well, before you attack the “straw man,” remember that Donald Trump was that kid in school who thought it was simply hilarious to jam two straws up his nostrils.  Straws were an important part of Donald’s childhood, so it shouldn’t be a big surprise they remain so today.     What all you “elites" don’t understand is that Trump folks are all about fighting for “freedom.”  You know, the freedom to be morbidly obese, the freedom to destroy the environment, the freedom to live without affordable healt...
Post a Comment
Read more

Trump Commutes Old Pal Roger Stone's Sentence

Trump Commutes Old Pal Roger Stone's Sentence:   After declaring Roger Stone a victim of the “Russia hoax” perpetuated by the Left and its allies in the media, President Trump has commuted the three-year prison criminal sentence for the Republican operative and dirty trickster, who was due to report to federal prison on Tuesday after being found guilty of obstruction, witness tampering and lying to Congress. Good grief, is it my imagination, or has Trump actually just pardoned the real-life version of the Monopoly guy?  I mean, Stone is a villain right out of Charles Dickens.  Why, this is an act so corrupt, it’s almost enough to make Kim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin blush. Now, I’m no legal expert, but it appears what the Trump Administration is basically arguing is that - someone shouldn’t be punished for committing a crime which “they really should’ve gotten away with.”  And while that may sound a bit odd to the rest of us, that kind of thinking makes go...
Post a Comment
Read more