Last month, when Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) went fishing for a “gotcha” question to ask Ketanji Brown Jackson at her Supreme Court confirmation hearings, she really thought she’d found one when Jackson declined her request to define “what is a woman,” by replying she was “not a biologist.” This set the stage for tons of mockery from Republicans. Marjorie Taylor Greene offered a Biblical explanation with “This is an easy answer. We’re a creation of God. We came from Adam’s rib. God created us with his hands. We may be the weaker sex — we are the weaker sex, but we are our partner - we are our husband’s wife.” Then, Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.) proclaimed “Science isn’t Burger King; you can’t just ‘have it your way.’ Take notes, Madame Speaker. I’m about to define what a woman is for you. X chromosomes, no tallywhacker. It’s so simple.” Finally, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) chimed in that a woman was “Someone who can give birth to a child, a mother, is a woman. Someone who has a uterus is a woman. It doesn’t seem that complicated to me.” When asked if a woman whose uterus was removed via hysterectomy was still a woman, he appeared uncertain, by saying “Yeah. Well, I don’t know, would they?”
Now, I’m the first to admit I can’t really define “what a woman is" either, but I can define an “idiot. And, from what I can tell, the word appears to be synonymous with the term “Republican.” Adding to the confusion, Republicans are always claiming “corporations are people too.” OK, then - perhaps we should demand the GOP tell us exactly what gender these corporations are supposed to be?
Of course, Congressman Matt Gaetz has a somewhat unique definition of a woman. He defines a “woman” as “someone way too old for him to date.” On the other hand, I suppose a woman could also be defined as someone who's at risk of being “grabbed by the pussy” by Donald Trump. Or, put another way, a “woman” is someone Donald Trump has to pay to have sex with.
Frankly, the question I’d like to ask is “Why are Republicans so obsessed with other people’s genitals and sexual orientation?” Focus on your own “junk” you pervs! The truth is, I'm not completely convinced most Republicans are even “human,” let alone men or women. Funny how politicians like Marsha Blackburn have quick definitions for “what is a woman,” but still can’t seem to find an answer for “what is sedition?"
Anyway, I just got a great idea I think may help settle this dilemma. Let’s take Madison Cawthorn’s lead, and instead of labeling public restrooms as a "Men's Room" or a "Women's Room,” how about we simply go with a "Tallywhacker Room" and a "No Tallywhacker Room?” Why, that ought to simplify things a bit, except for those guys who’ve had vasectomies, that now must be labeled as “altered tallywhackers.”
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