Skip to main content

Newly Reelected Gov. Kevin Stitt Prays ‘God Will Have His Way With Oklahoma’


After winning reelection, Gov. Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma stepped out of the statehouse to say a rather bizarre prayer, which went “Father, we just claim Oklahoma for you.  Every square inch, we claim it for you, in the name of Jesus.  Father, we can do nothing apart from you.  We don’t battle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and darkness.  And father, we just come against that, we just loose your will over our state right now - in the name of Jesus.  We just thank you and we claim Oklahoma for you with the authority that I have as governor and the spiritual authority and the physical authority that you give me.  I claim Oklahoma for you, that we will be a light to our country and to the world.  We thank you that your will was done on Tuesday and father, that you will have your way with our state, with our education system, with everything within the walls behind me.”

Hey, he sounds like a really fun guy.  So, if I’m correct, Gov. Stitt is not only gonna govern in the name of Jesus, but he’s also dedicated “every square inch” of the state to Jesus.  Oh, my, that could have a big impact on real estate markets.  Of course, it’s also another way of telling every Native American, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist, and agnostic who lives in Oklahoma “to go fuck yourself,” but he’s doing it in the name of Jesus, so it should be fine.

Now, what I’d like to know is, what’s with all this business about telling God “we want you to have your way with our state” kind of talk?  Now, I realize Gov. Stitt’s a hard-core protestant evangelical, but “having your way with our state” sounds like a slogan even Catholic priests might be interested in pursuing.  “Have your way with me, Lord” does have a certain ring to it, after all.

Anyway, it sounds like, under the leadership of Gov. Stitt, the state government of Oklahoma is now basically an “evangelical protestant church.”  I assume this means gatherings of the state legislature will no longer be in English, and all state assembly business will be conducted through “speaking in tongues” from this point on.  Can snake handling be far behind?  I mean, move over David Koresh.

That said, I still don’t get all this talk about “battling against principalities and darkness.”  After all, it was God who put you guys right smack dab in the middle of “Tornado Alley.”  Why pick on everyone else?  I mean, I thought the whole idea of the USA, was we don’t do “Lords and Kings” anymore.  Of course, I realize it’s not really Stitt’s fault.  After all, it’s pretty obvious the poor guy has “Stitt-for-brains.”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

Johnny Robish Comedy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War

Trump Lawyer Schoen Threatens America With Civil War:  In a fiery speech, arguing that impeachment would disenfranchise Donald Trump’s supporters, defense lawyer David Schoen is being harshly criticized for his thinly veiled threat - warning that impeaching the former president could very well result in even more violence from Donald Trump’s easily enraged base. So, if I understand Schoen’s argument correctly, it sounds as if he’s implying that “if you bring Trump to trial, then that angry, violent mob who attacked the Capitol, wanting to hang Vice President Pence and kill various members of Congress, might get really, really mad again - and there will be reprisals.”   You know, we’re talking stuff like ”Nice country you have here - be a damn shame if something were to happen to it!”  In other words, Schoen’s trying to incite violence, in defense of a man who’s facing trial - over inciting violence.  They don’t teach you that in law school.   Now, is it jus...
Post a Comment
Read more

Former Trump National Security Advisor Warns ‘Deep State’ Putting COVID Vaccine in Salad Dressing

Former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, who was fired and then prosecuted for lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russia before being ultimately pardoned by Trump, is now sliding further into the QAnon conspiracy world, telling the hosts of an online show dedicated to COVID and election fraud conspiracies - that he has heard the “Deep State” is attempting to “sneak coronavirus vaccine into salad dressing.” Now, I have no idea where Gen. Flynn got this information, but my guess is it was probably a text from Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani, alerting him to the “hidden dangers of salad dressing.”  Or, it could have been Nicki Minaj for all I know.  After all, she does have another cousin who has a friend in Timbuktu.  Word on the street has it the “Deep State” will initially start with “Ranch Dressing” to vaccinate the cowboys, then move on to “Russian Dressing,” to get the rest of Trump’s supporters. Anyway, I hate to rain on Gen. Flynn’s conspiracy the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Elon Musk Calls for the Prosecution of Anthony Fauci

Over the weekend, Elon Musk took to his Twitter account to call for the prosecution of infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, endorsing a convoluted, right-wing conspiracy theory that claims Dr. Fauci financed the COVID-19 pandemic.   Musk then proceeded to mock transgender people by adding “My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci.” Gee, the “world’s richest right-wing troll” said what?  Now, I realize it's a really low bar, but I think we’ve finally found someone who actually knows less about pronouns - than Herschel Walker.   Not to be critical, but a good sign you may have a wee bit too much money on your hands, is when you blow 44 billion dollars, just to call people names. Oh sure, I’m positive Elon Musk, like any right-wing crusader, gets a real kick out of using his Twitter to “Own the Libs.”  OK, I get that, but just who does he suppose is actually buying his friggin' cars, anyway?   I’m pretty sure it isn’t Trump’s toothless, MAGA half-wits who are fillin...
Post a Comment
Read more