After winning back the House of Representatives in the past election while losing the White House to Joe Biden, Republicans vowed retribution over the impeachment and investigations of their cult leader Donald Trump. One of the primary ways they’ve chosen to do this is through House Oversight Chairman James Comer’s (R-KY) hearings into claims that then-Vice President Joe Biden and son Hunter Biden were involved in a bribery and Ukrainian money laundering scheme. These allegations are solely based upon an FBI Document that both Comer and Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) claim to have seen, a document that is widely believed to have been written by former Trump personal attorney Rudy Giuliani and based upon information provided by a “whistleblower.” The problem is, the so-called “whistleblower” was supposedly the wife of Burisma co-founder Mykola Lisin, a woman who actually died way back in 2011, long before Joe Biden ever went to Ukraine and before Hunter Biden was named to the Burisma board. So, as Republicans are being pressed by media to produce “actual evidence” of a crime, former Trump attorney Giuliani is now claiming that the woman (whistleblower) who had the evidence on the Biden family’s bribery plot - has "passed away inexplicably.” However, the truth is she simply died in a car accident back in 2011.
Gee, now, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think Rudy and the Republicans (which sounds like a great name for a 50s doo-wop band) are trying to use that old "The dog ate my homework" excuse. Or, more accurately, “The dog ate my whistleblower.” Hell, is it just me, or does this convoluted tale sound a lot like how a five-year-old child might try and explain to their mother how the table lamp got broken? How long before we hear, "The whistleblower is dead! Please send us money to investigate!”
Of course, Republicans know what really happened. George Soros, Drag Queens, Antifa, BLM, trans people, and illegal immigrants all conspired together to murder the whistleblower. How, you may ask? Well, that’s easy enough to answer; they simply persuaded Dr. Anthony Fauci to give the “whistleblower” a dose of the COVID vaccine - that’s how! Why those vaccines are deadly as hell. Just listen to Fox News if you don’t believe me.
And if you don’t buy into any of that, how about alien abduction or spontaneous combustion? Of course, I’m sure many of you cynics are asking, how can a dead woman possibly become a “whistleblower?” Well, there is actually a perfectly simple explanation for all of this - its called “time travel.” Now, not to sound conspiratorial, but me thinks this may also explain why Amelia Earhart disappeared. That’s right, she had dirt on Joe Biden! Don’t believe me? Well, let's put it this way - Joe Biden has never denied it. What else do you need to know?
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