Rudy Giuliani Now Claiming Key Biden ‘Whistleblower’ is Dead

After winning back the House of Representatives in the past election while losing the White House to Joe Biden, Republicans vowed retribution over the impeachment and investigations of their cult leader Donald Trump. One of the primary ways they’ve chosen to do this is through House Oversight Chairman James Comer’s (R-KY) hearings into claims that then-Vice President Joe Biden and son Hunter Biden were involved in a bribery and Ukrainian money laundering scheme. These allegations are solely based upon an FBI Document that both Comer and Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) claim to have seen, a document that is widely believed to have been written by former Trump personal attorney Rudy Giuliani and based upon information provided by a “whistleblower.” The problem is, the so-called “whistleblower” was supposedly the wife of Burisma co-founder Mykola Lisin, a woman who actually died way back in 2011, long before Joe Biden ever went to Ukraine and before Hunter Biden was named to the Burisma board. So, as Republicans are being pressed by media to produce “actual evidence” of a crime, former Trump attorney Giuliani is now claiming that the woman (whistleblower) who had the evidence on the Biden family’s bribery plot - has "passed away inexplicably.” However, the truth is she simply died in a car accident back in 2011.

Gee, now, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think Rudy and the Republicans (which sounds like a great name for a 50s doo-wop band) are trying to use that old "The dog ate my homework" excuse. Or, more accurately, “The dog ate my whistleblower.” Hell, is it just me, or does this convoluted tale sound a lot like how a five-year-old child might try and explain to their mother how the table lamp got broken? How long before we hear, "The whistleblower is dead! Please send us money to investigate!”

Of course, Republicans know what really happened. George Soros, Drag Queens, Antifa, BLM, trans people, and illegal immigrants all conspired together to murder the whistleblower. How, you may ask? Well, that’s easy enough to answer; they simply persuaded Dr. Anthony Fauci to give the “whistleblower” a dose of the COVID vaccine - that’s how! Why those vaccines are deadly as hell. Just listen to Fox News if you don’t believe me.

And if you don’t buy into any of that, how about alien abduction or spontaneous combustion? Of course, I’m sure many of you cynics are asking, how can a dead woman possibly become a “whistleblower?” Well, there is actually a perfectly simple explanation for all of this - its called “time travel.” Now, not to sound conspiratorial, but me thinks this may also explain why Amelia Earhart disappeared. That’s right, she had dirt on Joe Biden! Don’t believe me? Well, let's put it this way - Joe Biden has never denied it. What else do you need to know?

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Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995. Gee whiz, $83 million? Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.” Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment. Now, that really takes some skill! Talk about “The Art of the Deal!” I’m totally impressed. Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.” I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court abo...

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