You've Got to Be Kidding?

Motherhood Increases Gray Matter in Women’s Brains:  New research shows that the female brain changes after motherhood, with women’s brains showing a significant increase in gray matter after giving birth and raising a child.  I don’t know about more gray matter, but my mom said it sure meant a helluva lot more gray hair. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Schwarzenegger is Returning to the World of Bodybuilding:  Arnold Schwarzenegger is returning to the world of bodybuilding as an executive editor for both  Muscle Fitness and Flex magazines, to which he will contribute monthly columns and dish out all the personal and professional insight.  Observers say about the only thing missing in Arnold’s return to bodybuilding is his body. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Sommelier Cheating Scandal Rocks Wine World:  A cheating scandal at last month’s master sommelier examination is sending shock waves through some communities, as the C...

Kentucky Claims Gay Marriage Threatens State’s Birth Rates:  Republican legislators in Kentucky claim their ban on gay marriage should be retained because gay marriage threatens the stability of the state's birth rates.  Who they trying to kid?  Hell, in a state like Kentucky, sheep and horses pose a bigger threat to birth rates than gay marriage ever will.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Sears Reportedly Preparing to File for Bankruptcy Protection:  It’s being reported that Sears Holdings Corp is preparing to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in the coming days following years of declining sales, casting doubt over the survival of what was once the world’s largest retailer.  I guess with all the online competition from Amazon, its getting harder and harder for Sears to make a decent Roebuck. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Scientists Shocked to Find that Our Sun’s Almost Perfectly Round:  Scientists say t...

Scientists Say Love at First Sight Doesn’t Really Exist:   Scientists in the Netherlands have found that what many believe to be love at first sight - is really nothing more than intense physical attraction.  Researchers say people who believe in “love at first sight” are people who’ve have lost sight of the fact that it doesn’t really exist. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Activist Bill Ackman's Hedge Fund Invests $900 million in Starbucks:   Activist investor Bill Ackman is making a big bet on coffee, announcing that his hedge fund just invested nearly $900 million in Starbucks.  What’s the big deal about that?  Hell, I spent almost that much on coffee there last month. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Catastrophic Mental Health Changes Linked to Climate Change:   A new study is warning of “catastrophic” dips in mental health for some if climate change causes the global temperature to increase by 2 degrees Celsius above pre-...

Neanderthal DNA Deep in Human Genes:   People of Asian and European descent, almost anyone with origins outside of Africa, - have inherited a sliver of DNA from the Neanderthals - some of them may protect modern humans against infections.  Yea, well I just had my DNA tested by 23 and Me and to say my family has Neanderthal genes would apparently be giving us an upgrade.  In fact, they sent me what was basically an apology letter saying “sorry, but we have no idea where the hell any of the crap we found in your lineage comes from.  May you and your family find comfort in the fact that the statutes of limitations don’t go back 10,000 years.” https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Lawsuit Claims LaCroix Beverages Contain Cockroach Poison:  The makers of the wildly popular sparkling water LaCroix, which has become a phenomenon over the past year, were hit with a lawsuit alleging the beverage contains "non-natural flavorings," including an ingredient said t...

New Data Showing Older Folks are the Happiest:  New research shows that the older you get, the more self-assured and content you are, with people in their 60’s more likely to be happier and self-confident than most of those in their younger decades.  In response, psychologists are now recommending younger people who may be feeling somewhat ill at ease - look into getting as old as they possibly can as quickly as possible. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Taylor Swift Breaks Political Silence to Endorse Democrats:   Saying that in the past she has been reluctant to publicly voice her political opinions, she now feels it necessary due to several events in her life and in the world in the past two years.  And while Democrats are jumping for joy, Republicans claim this proves Taylor’s not all that swift. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com White House Gift Shop Selling Brett Kavanaugh Commemorative Coins:   Even before the Senate had voted...

Lack of Sleep May Harm Men's Sperm:  A new study from Denmark determined that not getting enough sleep may harm men’s sperm, with men who slept poorly having lower sperm counts and fewer sperm that had formed correctly.  I get it.  Hell, my sperm always tries to get a solid eight hours of sleep, but sometimes it’s just too damned hard to sleep that long. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com First Gray Wolf Seen in Grand Canyon in Decades:  A rare gray wolf has recently been spotted on the north rim of the Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona in what would be the first gray wolf sighting in the park since 1940.  Sadly, those who actually saw the animal say that "the old gray wolf, she ain't what she used to be." https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Baltimore Most Dangerous City for Drivers:   A new insurance industry survey lists Baltimore as the most dangerous city in the country for drivers.  In related news, Los Angeles was lis...

Eight-Year-Old Girl Pulls Ancient Sword from Lake in Sweden:   An eight-year-old girl is jokingly being hailed as a “future queen,” after she pulled a 1,500-year-old sword from a lake while swimming in central Sweden.   Wow, what a spectacular find!  Sounds like I’m gonna to have to step up my game a bit.  I mean, about the most interesting thing I’ve ever found was a used condom in a Target bathroom.  And for some odd reason, anthropologists don’t seem to have much interest in that type of artifact.   But anyway, nice job kid - a couple of more swords, and Sweden might actually have themselves a viable military.  Of course, had it been Trump who had found the sword, he’d already be hailing himself as the new King Arthur. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com