You've Got to Be Kidding?

Woman Unable to Hear Men's Voices Due to Rare Condition:   Doctors report that a woman in China woke up with a rare  hearing-loss condition that prevents her from hearing men’s voices.  Scientists say there’s a similar condition that can occur in men where they can’t hear women’s voices, but it’s rarely reported because the men almost never seek treatment.  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Flat Earth Society Announces 2020 World Cruise:  A group of folks who believe the Earth is flat, have announced their “biggest, boldest, best adventure yet” - a Flat Earth world cruise scheduled for the year 2020.  Which should prove interesting, given that a ship’s entire navigational equipment is based upon the principle that the Earth is spherical.  I suspect the Flat Earthers on this cruise may be in for a bit of a shock when they discover that it isn’t the earth that’s flat - it’s actually their heads.  https://www.johnnyrobishc...

Cheery Outlook Helps Heart Patients Heal Better:  New research suggests that heart patients with a cheery outlook are more likely to get healthier down the road after having a heart attack.  Sounds pretty simple to follow.  I mean, come on - who wouldn’t have a cheery outlook after they’ve just had a heart attack?    https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Starbucks Announces New Price Hike on Coffee:  Starbucks just announced that it will be raising prices on many of its drinks by 5 cents to 20 cents as well as $1 more for the packaged coffee it sells in supermarkets.  Well, I guess that pretty much explains why Starbucks just adopted a "no guns" policy in all their stores. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Treasury Reimburses Man $500 for Mangled Bills His Dog Swallowed:  A Helena, Montana man followed his family dog around for several days after realizing the animal had swallowed five $100 bills he left out, eventually re...

Jeff Bezos Reportedly Dating Former News Anchor Lauren Sanchez:   Hours after announcing that he and his wife of 25 years MacKenzie planned to divorce, it’s been reported that Amazon billionaire CEO Jeff Bezos has moved on and is seeing former news anchor Lauren Sanchez.  Wow, same-day new girlfriend delivery?  That Amazon Prime is really turning into a helluva service. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Trump Walks Out of Shutdown Meeting After Dems Say No Wall Money:   Talks between President Trump and congressional Democrats aimed at ending the partial government shutdown collapsed in acrimony and disarray, with the president walking out of the White House meeting and calling it “a total waste of time” after Democrats rejected his demand for border-wall funding.  Afterward, the Republicans claimed they’re fully willing to negotiate - they’ve agreed to call the “wall” a “barrier.”  Now that's what I call a willingness to compromise.  On ...

Internet Abuzz After Fans Spot Beyoncé Shopping at Target:   Yahoo reports the internet is abuzz after pictures surfaced of Beyoncé walking down the aisle shopping at an LA Target store wearing an orange jumpsuit and tiny sunglasses.  Gee, she looks like just your average Target shopper, casually walking down the aisle with several bodyguards pushing her cart behind her.  Makes you wonder how anyone could have figured out it was her.  Now I have no idea what she bought, but I do know that orange jumpsuit would look pretty damn good on Donald Trump. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com FIJI Water Woman Steals Show on Golden Globes Red Carpet:  There were, of course, many big stars at the Golden Globes, but everyone is saying the person who really stole the show was the FIJI water woman , who managed to photobomb herself into just about every pic that was taken on the red carpet that evening.  And who can blame her?  After all, she had to fly ...

Trump Considers Using National Emergency Powers to Build Wall:  President Trump announced plans to address the nation, just as his administration officials are making an urgent case that the situation at the U.S.-Mexico border has reached a crisis level, laying the groundwork for President Trump to possibly declare a national emergency that would empower him to construct a border wall without congressional approval. Gee, the only national emergency, at least as far as I can tell is - that this madman is still president.  The irony is that the closest most of his rabid, half-witted supporters screaming “border crisis” have ever been to the actual Mexican border is - when they visited a Taco Bell. But what does it matter, his base would believe him if he claimed extraterrestrials are now sneaking across the border.  The scary thing is that historically, when other tyrants have declared a national crisis - they also used that crisis declaration as justification ...

Florida Man Slams Pizza in Dad’s Face for Delivering Him at Birth:   An angry Florida man has been arrested by police for shoving a freshly delivered pizza into his father’s face after learning it was his father who delivered him at birth. Now wait a minute - this story just doesn’t make any sense!  I mean, we don’t even know what toppings were on the pizza?  And am I to believe this entire situation can simply be summed up by the phrase - “ when your son, hits your eye, with a big pizza pie - that’s the story? ”    To add to the mystery, police say they still have no idea why the son would become so upset to learn his father delivered him.  But let’s keep in mind that this is Florida, so it’s always a pretty safe bet to assume that crystal meth was somewhere in the mix.  All I know is, after reading this story, I'm kind of upset that anybody delivered this kid. Of course, in Florida logic, they’re probably thinking “the father delivere...

Australian Woman Becomes Oldest Skydiver at 102:  Australian Irene O'Shea has become the oldest person ever to skydive at 102 years old and 194 days - after she performed a tandem charity jump with her instructor from 14,000 feet.  When asked why she decided to make the jump, she said “ah, it was just part of her prep training for enlisting in Trump’s Space Force .”  https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com Impala Eludes Hungry Cheetahs By Jumping Into Car:  A frightened impala, separated from its herd and trying desperately to elude two hungry cheetahs, saved itself in South Africa’s Kruger National Park by jumping through a window into a parked Toyota Prado SUV which was full of tourists.  Wow, sounds like that impala took advantage of a “window of opportunity.”  Of course, a smarter move might have been to jump into a “Ford Escape” - but I guess a Toyota Prado works in a pinch.  Park officials say it appeared everyone who witnessed the incide...