Asteroid Passes Close to Earth Just Hours After Being Discovered

Asteroid Passes Close to Earth Just Hours After Being Discovered: An asteroid estimated to be at least 150 feet in diameter made an alarmingly close pass to Earth, just hours after it was first observed by astronomers. After the news broke, people across the globe immediately demanded to know why Morgan Freeman didn’t bother to make some sort of announcement. Meanwhile, Trump advisors say should it come too close, they’ll send up a rocket full of Preparation H and shrink it down to 75 feet.

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Study Shows Poverty Rate in Hawaii is Growing: A new study found that the number of people living in poverty in the state of Hawaii has grown to 12.5%. Researchers say things in the state have gotten so bad, many residents have no idea where their next tan is coming from.

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NY Man Sets Woman On Fire in Elevator: Police say a man has confessed to killing a woman by dowsing her with a flammable liquid and then setting her on fire in a Brooklyn elevator. As his defense, the man claimed that the elevator was extremely cold and she was the only thing around that looked like it would burn.

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Trump Takes to Truth Social to Spread ‘Roomer’ About Ron DeSantis

Former president Donald Trump just shared some juicy gossip about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on his Truth Social platform. Trump posted, “Roomer (sic) are (sic) strong in political circles that Ron DeSanctimonious, whose Presidential run is a shambles, and whose poll numbers have absolutely crashed, putting him 3rd and 4th in some states, will be dropping out of the Presidential race in order to run, in Florida, against Rick Scott for Senate. Now that’s an interesting one, isn’t it?” Gee, Donald Trump spreading “roomers?” Say it ain’t so! Now, me thinks perhaps that prestigious Wharton School of Business Trump attended might want to consider adding some basic 3rd-grade spelling classes to its curriculum. Apparently, Trump is stalled at that level of language development where he is still spelling words phonetically. Why his poor spelling makes him look like a real “looser.” Frankly, I’m not sure its a wise choice for Republicans to choose ...

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal

Mike Huckabee Claims COVID-19 Death Risk Small and Sin Risk Lethal: Former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has stirred some controversy with medical professionals by claiming that the risk of death from coronavirus is very “minimal,” but “sin is 100% lethal. Oh, really Mike? Then how about showing me a death certificate which lists “sin” as the primary cause of death. Of course, the fact is, sin couldn’t be 100% lethal, or a guy like me wouldn’t even be alive to write this. On the other hand, maybe you’re on to something Mike - and sin really is lethal, and I secretly used a “ghostwriter” to write this joke. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Ordered by Jury to Pay E. Jean Carroll $83 Million

In his second trial in less than a year on the matter, a civil jury in Manhattan took only three hours to decide that disgraced former President Trump must pay $83.3 million in punitive and compensatory damages to rape victim and writer E. Jean Carroll in a drama that began in the dressing room of a New York City department store back in 1995. Gee whiz, $83 million? Seems it turns out that even “when you're a star, they don't always let you do it.” Anyway, so the Orange God used his big fat mouth to talk his way out of a $5 million judgment - and right into an $83 million judgment. Now, that really takes some skill! Talk about “The Art of the Deal!” I’m totally impressed. Why, its almost as if Mr. Trump and his militant, useless attorney don’t fully comprehend the basic point of “punitive damages.” I mean, at this point, Trump defames Ms. Carroll so frequently, she’s almost gonna need to put up an electronic signboard to alert the court abo...

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