Trump Announces Plans for the Pentagon to Create a Space Force

Trump Announces Plans for the Pentagon to Create a Space Force: President Donald Trump has ordered the Pentagon to begin the creation of a sixth branch of the American Armed Forces to called the "Space Force,” which he envisions as an independent branch of the military, aimed at ensuring American supremacy in space.

Space Force - seriously? Sounds like somebody’s been binge-watching a few too many Star Wars movies over the weekend. Now in Trump’s defense, Ronald Reagan also had a very similar vision. Of course, it turned out he had Alzheimers, but he did have that vision. But let’s get serious here, is Space Force really gonna to be a new branch of the military, or is it actually the working title of new Mel Brooks movie? And now that I think about it, wasn’t “Space Force” canceled mid-season on Showtime last year?

Anyway, just what are we supposed to think about a military space program that’s being proposed by a science denier? This is a guy who looked directly into the sun during a solar eclipse last year without any eye protection. Oh well, I guess someone has to assume the title "Rocket Man” now that Kim Jong-un seems to have taken himself out of the running. Moon-a-Lago - here we come!

There’s one thing we can all agree on, however - nothing promotes world peace quite like militarizing outer space. That said, the President has already instructed Mark Hamill to begin preparation for a big summit on the planet Nibiru for early next year. Now, only two questions remain unanswered - will this new Space Force will be included in Trump’s upcoming military parade, and will Trump be able to fulfill one of his old campaign promises to miners by powering the entire Space Force organization with coal?

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Sen. Katie Britt Blames Biden for a Rape 20 Years Ago in Mexico

During what many are calling an absolutely insane rebuttal to President Biden’s “State of the Union” address, Sen. Katie Boyd Britt (R-Ala.), walked onto a studio sound stage (set up like an upper-middle-class kitchen) and began to link a harrowing account of a young woman’s sex trafficking and rape by a Mexican drug cartel, to Joe Biden’s immigration policies of the 2020s. She did this even though the abuse happened nearly 20 years ago and in Mexico - and at a time when Republican George W. Bush was president, not Joe Biden. The girl about whom Sen. Britt spoke - was thrown out of her house by her mother at age 12 and eventually “fell prey to a professional pimp.” There is no evidence that she was ever held by a drug cartel, as Katie claimed. In addition, the young victim testified that most of her clients for prostitution were foreigners visiting Mexico to have sex with underage girls. Okay, so now let me get this straight. A young Mexican fema...

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location

White House Calls Trump Property the Perfect G7 Meeting Location: The White House and President Trump are raising eyebrows once again after they selected Donald Trump’s National Doral Resort Hotel as the “perfect location” for the next G7 summit while also suggesting President Trump plans to re-invite Russian President Vladimir Putin to the meeting. Well gee-whiz, what a lucky break for the Trump Resorts. I mean, who knew there was no other place in the entire United States that would be appropriate to hold a G7 summit other than a Trump property? Imagine that! Of course, at the rate Trump has been betraying all our friends and allies, by the time this conference actually rolls around - my guess is it’s likely only gonna be a G2 summit - with just Trump and Putin in attendance! https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members

Trump Claims Bahamas are Full of Bad Gang Members: President Trump shocked reporters by telling them that he is hesitant to allow any Bahamians to enter the US after Hurricane Dorian, because the island is full of "bad gang members.” Right, “bad gang members.” That’s as opposed to all the “good gang members” who follow him. You know, like the KKK, the neo-Nazis and all those white-supremacist militia gangs. But come on, if Trump really thought that there’s all these “bad guys” roaming around in the Bahamas, you’d think he’d have invited them to meet with him at Camp David by now. That said, my guess is that about the only thing Donald Trump actually knows about the Bahamas is that it’s surrounded bigly, by a Yuge bunch of water. https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

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